I've spent so much time hating you that I've been blinded by how much you've changed, and how much my hate for you
has changed me too.

This pillow case will never be the same
My heart is low and the tears won't stop
No matter what I'll ever do
I've sealed my fate and I lost you

There is a time
  There is a place
   There is a steady an true pace.
     There is hope for peace of mind
       There is faith within this place
In this morning where the sun may
never raise...
Again we wake on stranger tides
This foreign feeling that grows within (covers all our wicked sin)
No dawn to erase yesteryears mistake.
Now again we part our ways
With broken hearts in our hands
We watch the dawn break again.

If cursing you
or crying rivers
or breaking pens and
pencils
or marring the sculpture
I had so lovingly made
of your face
or taking pills
or cutting skin
or drinking blood
or pinning eyes
or pinching shoulders
or pulling hair
or lashing legs
or inflicting pain
however
could erase the pain,

I would.

"You are my muse," you said to me one sunny morning, holding me tight in your arms,
  Back when we first started off.
We thought we had it all,
  We thought we could brave through all the storms;
But we didn't.
  We couldn't.
We hadn't.
Gone were the days where I was the only one in your eyes,
  Like you were in mine.
A year later,
  I heard from you.
Excited, I gave it a thought.
  The thought that we might reconcile.
Unfortunately, we hadn't.
  We couldn't.

And we never would, ever again.

*"You were once my muse and I don't regret it."

I'm done,
I'm done pretending there's a cure
I'm ******
****** in the head
****** in the heart
You've finished  me
you tore me down
and I concede defeat
I have nothing left to give
no reason left to live
I hate to admit it, but
I'm done

There was a time when words
Inside my head poured for you
They’re creating your form
Like beautiful constellations
But you said that you have dyslexia
And refuse to read them through and through
The next thing I know
I stopped writing for you
Now I am ripping those pages
Just like you tore your promises
I am now writing a new book
With his heart as the cover look

and i try not to let a sound escape through my lips
as my tears stream through my eyes like river

and i try not to feel as weak as i am feeling right now
as i try to convince myself that it's for the better

and i try not to let my hands shake as much
as i type these words to make you understand me

i'm sorry love but i can't bear myself any longer
i'm shattered and my broken fragments are everywhere
i know, you're trying your hardest to mend me with your bare hands
trying to pick up every fragments of me on the concrete
trying to bring me back piece by piece with your ****** hands
but i cant bear it any longer
i cant bear to see you hurt
i cant bear to see your cuts
i dont want to be the reason why you wouldnt be able
to love yourself more than anyone else
i dont want you to be like me
i dont want pain to change how beautiful you are
i dont want pain to consume you just like how it consumed me
i dont want pain to destroy your goodness just like how it destroyed me

i'm sorry love for not being strong enough to hold you as much as i can
i'm sorry love for not being strong enough to keep you with me
i'm sorry love for not being strong enough
i'm sorry love for not being strong
i'm sorry love

i still sleep on the left side of the bed although you're not there anymore

I.. well I hate myself
I hate that I crave you
I hate that I cant move on
I hate that things aren't working
I hate everything
I hate being alone
I hate being

But I also love
I love you
I love the way you look
I love the way you talk
I love the memories we have
I love being near you
I love the way you make me feel