i still talk about you like im coming home to you
i still act like ill see you later
i still mention your name in all my conversations
i still think about you in everything i do

i still wish you were my boyfriend

what if we tried again?
what if we started over?
what if we got coffee and introduced ourselves all over again?
would you find me attractive? would you think i was beautiful? would you feel your heart skip beats like you said you did before?
would i be funny? would you laugh at my stories?
would you be nervous? would you shift in your seat and pick at your nails, squirming when we made eye contact?
would i be enough? would you leave thinking you'd want to see me again? or would you say that was nice, and move on?
what if we stayed friends? what if we hung out a lot, studied together, did stupid **** together?
what if it was like it was before without any titles?
would you fall back in love with me?
would you watch me when I laughed, turn back to look at me when I left?
what if while we're friends you find someone new?
what if she hates me?
what if she wants me out of your life?
would you leave?
would i be alone?
what if you fall in love with me and I've moved on? what if we're in a cycle of missed opportunities all because I ****** it up the first time?
these what ifs are killing me and i know maybe they might be killing you too.
I can't tell if you're thinking about me,
you've always remained a bit of a mystery to me.
I'm going to **** my brain thinking about the what if's that I can't control.
what if
what if
what if



what if i still love you and I'm never going to get to hold you again?

You were hungry for me,
The sweet taste of skin and love.
You were searching for me,
Grasping me tight when you found me.
You were begging for me,
Don’t go, you pleaded, my heart is yours.

So what happened?

For now, my skin is dry without your love to cleanse it,
My body is crumpled on the floor,
Used and now forgotten.
And now you say,
Don’t go... but I won’t beg for you to stay.

like he's an angel,
a majestic being who's flown down from the sky
to bring promises and good news.

She looks at him
with love in her eyes,
she can't take them off of him
because she's so in love with him.

She looks at him
begging to be noticed, to be loved, to be seen.
She looks at him,
but his eyes are on something else.

The tingles his fingers send when they cross along my skin,
the feeling of relaxation when his fingers are in my hair,
the feeling of my stomach in my throat when he just looks at me
with those "I think I love you" eyes.

He makes me feel everything wonderful in just the second where he winks at me.
He makes me wonder if all the heartbreak, all the tears in my pillows, all the loneliness, the hurt...
maybe it was all worth it.