I find it funny
how so many people
who sing about peace and understanding
are terrible people, full of hate,
while so many people
who sing about the nature of hate, itself,
are so peaceful and understanding.

Keeping up
is far easier than
catching up.

I need to stop apologizing
For things that you did

12-
I'm not really sure if I even want you around anymore

11-
Our first year anniversary is next month and I'm really excited. Are you okay, though? You're scaring me lately

10-
I don't want to say it but I can't trust you that much anymore. It's like you've turned into someone else. I feel a little emotionally abused..

9-
I'm sorry I didn't want anything for valentines day, and I didn't mean for us to get into a fight. I just wanted you to know that your love was better than any material object

8-
Hey, we've been fighting a lot more than usual, but I know we can tough this out, we always do

7-
I hope you like your christmas present, it was all I could afford. I love you

6-
We're half way there
6-
why are you so angry
6-
i'm sorry I'm so depressed
6-
please don't go

5-
Happy birthday to both of us, I framed the letter you wrote me

4-
I think I'm in love with you...

3-
Our first fight happened today. I cried a bit, but this stuff happens, and I know you have my back .

2-
I showed you what I looked like naked..I've never been able to do that before with anyone. I was scared you'd be repulsed, but then you called me beautiful.

1-
I'm so happy you asked me out. It's all I've been wanting for the past 6 months since I've met you.

0-
You're one of the best friends I've had. There's something about you that makes me smile all the time and I'm really hoping I have the same effect on you.

Doors slamming
And people yelling
Are two sounds that I
Prefer not to hear
Dark water
And boats
Make me feel
Afraid
Fire works
Pop Pop Pop
I ******* hate fireworks
They're stupid
And loud
And bring up bad memories
And on fourth of july
I hear those fire works
Coming from every direction
I sink deeper into myself
But out of my body
Away from everyone and myself
Forget forget forget
Then I feel selfish for wanting to forget
None of my friends understand what these things do to me
I'm sorry for not going to the beach at night
Or wanting to sneak into abandoned buildings
I'm sorry for crying when we went off-roading in your jeep
I'm sorry all I want to do is sit in my bed
And watch movies to distract myself from the
disturbing thoughts in my head

i remember ice that felt like fire.
it was strong, undiluted,
  better than usual.
i stood for about ten seconds
before gravity pulled me to the pavement and tore open my skin.
  
two voices shouted my name
and two hands that were not mine lifted me off the ground
  and carefully sat me back down.
i saw the blood, but i felt nothing
except for the ice running through my veins.

ice isn't supposed to burn though.

i thought about that in between
being force-fed bites of a snickers bar and
  being reminded not to close my eyes
as more hands that were not mine
held damp paper towels against my damaged body.

my eyelids were so heavy and all i wanted to do was sleep,
but your voice urged me to stay awake, to talk to you.
  you laughed when i said i didn't know what to talk about
and i cried when you asked me if i was scared
because oh god i was terrified.

it's been weeks.
a part of me is still terrified,
  but another part of me craves it,
craves it like a person is supposed to crave
the oxygen they breathe.

and that is what terrifies me the most.