I still read your work
in secret..
watching your life through a screen
where beautiful words dance
from the fangs of rambling monster
So much gray matter
in between neurons
where potential lives
and I understand the pain
that comes with distance
and disease
but, I have my own work to attend to
and I can't afford distractions..
you'd place heavy creatures on my back
in the hope that they would eat every good thing that came into my light
and yes, they are ravenous and powerful
but I've got a hunger in me
that surpasses all
and it isn't for you anymore.

It's like coming up for air,
The first time in a decade
And I've felt heartbreak
When he said to not go down
That it was a black hole
And can you feel it?
Can you feel the way it comes together?

Maybe I need to learn the tricks of putting a toothbrush down my throat
Maybe I have a war in my mind and I'm crazy
Maybe I think I'm not enough sometimes
Maybe I ruin everything with the things I have said

But if this is it,
If there is nothing left,
If you didn't tell every person you met that obviously liked you that you were already getting married,
It will be greater than thousands of black holes
Rushing through my body

As the familiar feeling
i've been having for too long
keeps me again company
my chest hurts
my stomach aches
and burns
and crumbles down.
And tears fall down my face
and i don't know why
i don't know why and i can't stop
And my vision's as blurry as my mind.
And i am scared it'll never stop
and i can't talk
and my words slowly die
burying themselves
in the back of my aching throat
And i just want to throw up but issues
stop me from doing so.
Once again
my breaths get lost in my lungs
as my fingers keep moving
to try and stop this pain
that will never go down.

It is hard to watch her touch you,
The way you used to touch me,
Her fingertips graze your thigh,
and you smile quietly.

I try to shift my eyes away,
I search the floor for reasons,
If only I could shake the ghost,
Thats been haunting me for seasons.

But you're everywhere i go,
When will this loneliness end?
I hope that you're happy now,
Not having me as your girlfriend.

It's difficult to look at you,
Knowing you'll never look at me,
But this happened for a reason,
We were never meant to be.

You will remain a sunrise
that wakes me up in the morning,
a morning
that fills my day with light.
You will stay with me every day
so we can fall asleep together every night
and every night I will dream of you
waiting for the dawn
so I can wake up next to you again.

I learned to stop dancing with the memory of you
to stop hoping someone else might fit in the depression your body left on my mattress
you were not my saving grace
I wake up in the morning and my sheets kiss my bare skin
the sun running across my shoulders, warmer than your hands ever felt
I am whole without you, I am whole by myself