Hands up
Body rigid with anticipation
My gut pulls down
Stronger and stronger as I go up
I can see the top
So close but so far
I decided to take a risk
And try my luck at this ride
I inch over the peak
And then I
Fall

Screaming with adrenaline
Impossible not to smile
This was the thrill I sought
My gamble payed off
But then the tracks flatten out
And overcome with disappointment
I realize
It's all already over

All that can happen
When I spend 3 minutes
Talking to you
"My friends can come too"

Today was a day full of nothing
And what a terrible day
To have nothing to distract me
From the acid injected into my heart
Slowly eroding away the happiness
That made my life so bright
Over the past months

Today I sat in my box
Just sighing as I have finally reached
That point of total despair
That point of realization
When I know something won't go well

Why does this bother me so much
I was perfectly fine without her
But that was before we met
Now I know a life with such joy
An unreal bliss where we could
Talk and smile everyday

She said she didn't leave me
She just wants a healthy balance
I was dominating too much of her life
She has other people to take care of

But how much does sitting by me really matter
If your back is turned the entire time
And when I scream about my loss
You  ignore it and leave me
To sit in my misery

Who can blame her
I'm depressing when I'm like this
And she has no reason to stay
No reason to let me hear her voice everyday
Or at all really
No matter how much it would mean to me
How much it would remedy
She remains blind to it all
Or she sees it and doesn't care
Or wants me to let it all go

Well when my days are so empty
So lacking of distraction
I get to think about things like this
The things that poison my hopes
And make me afraid of my future
But I manage to make realizations
Such as this: It's all over
She's gone and never coming back

The sighs that I can't help but let escape
As they carry the happy memories
Out into thin air, into nothing
Leave me just as empty
As today itself

Blank stares ahead
So unengaged
No thoughts provoked
Make me enraged

Only the vines
They see swinging back
Are traveled and torn
By this cumbersome pack

No one dares question
Is this the best?
Monkey see monkey do
"Well so says the rest"

Can't define their ideals
Politics are chatter
Philosophy's a dead game
Complicated things don't matter

"Nothings black and white"
Yet oblivious to nuance
Forget the golden rule
What matters is my wants

Refusing education
Unsalvageable hypocrisy
These hive minded animals
Undermine our democracy

So extraordinarily capable
So grossly unwilling
These apes don't realize
That it's us that we're killing

But
I guess my heart pounding against its cage, and the cold on my cheeks are good reminders that I'm still not invincible, even if my only one weakness is you.

The happiness is gone
The bliss is nonexistent
And the well of dreams has run dry

What used to make me so happy
Has faded into nothing
As I feel nothing

No pain
No reason to cry
I'm not that hurt

Just a drop of dissapointment
Diluted by the satisfaction of
The "I told you so" directed at myself

My old ups and downs
Have mellowed out into
Complimentary pros and cons

I suppose this was the end
Of something great
But of something awful too

This is what I expected
And shall expect going forward
All my joy gets repaid with pain

The beautiful moon recedes
The tide pacifies
The bipolar night is over

Now I can resume living
Without burdening her scheduale
Not feeding off of her radiating bliss

My night no longer spent
Playing my mental albums of her
No longer filled her lovely smile

My morning's no longer wasted
Wishing the dreams from last night
Could come true

It's funny how love dies
How the process hurts so much
And then your reward is nothingness

There's no way to amend this
Even if one of us wanted to
It's all already over

A new set of lips
That curl into a smile
Every time my eyes fall to them

A new pair of eyes
That meet mine
Every time I decide to glance

A new spark
That gives me hope
That maybe I can love again

Yet she seems too nice
The kindness she radiates
Makes me cower

She's too pretty
Her beauty consumes me
Not with awe but with doubt

Just as I was too sure
That the last one was for me
That she was the one

And if that last one
Could fool me with "I love you"
Why would someone new be different?

Like bricks
Your words hit the floor

And with a bang
Lines crawled across the tiles

Small at first
But more jagged with time

Until they met the walls
And then it all disappeared

I was being ****** into darkness
Wind ripping past my head

My shirt beating against my chest
And all stability gone

I flailed as I fell
For what seemed to be an eternity

My body burning up
The pain unbearable

Now head first
I saw a light below me

It grew closer
As the heat exponentiated

And then
Splash

All too instantly
The inferno stopped

And in it's place
A soul chilling cold

The darkness returned
Now suspended in blue

My body refused to listen
As my heart thumped against its cage

Every beat begged and pleaded
Longing for the company of yours

Overcome with despair and loneliness
This was truly hell

My body is screaming
Like never before
Every part of me longs for her
Her body pressed against mine

She would always be so warm
As our hearts flow into one another
So aware of each other
It's such a perfect scene

My arms around her waist
Hers around my neck
Her hair all I can see
All I care about seeing

Then I pull away for a second
To get a glimps of her beautiful
Eyes
Nose
Mouth
The perfection that is her

And I am overcome with passion
I desire her on a such an
Unwordly level
And the moment we share
Is the best way to capture our
Intertwining souls

I love her so much
And pull her tight again
To bury my head into her shoulder
To burn this moment into my mind

But it's been too long
Two weeks is practically eternity
When you want to live that every second
My body needs to feel her
To fill the empty molds in my arms

I have never loved so much
Felt so comfortable in another's arms
But I've never been so impatient
So lost
Is this what it's like
To miss someone?

The night's silence
Drowned by screaming

Where I should see darkness
I see smiles and tears

I'm so tired
But I'm allowed no rest

Just constant torture
From the ghosts of the past

My body may be still
Yet my mind is running

Days, months, years go by
But my clock ticked only once

My heart knocks on my chest
To make sure I don't go

Consciousness
My prison

I used to think it was an emotion
This feeling you got about someone
Much better than happiness
A perpetual state of bliss

Then my world overturned
There's much more I learned
As my emotions grew complex
And myself more perplexed

When your trust is broken
And the relationship is just a token
With love comes jealousy
And hate and pain not ecstasy

As everything they say
Can twist you the wrong way
Yet through all of every game
You love them all the same

This contradictory insanity
Consumed every inch of me
It shook me like thunder
Every night, I'm forced to wonder

After endless thoughts
And countless ideas fought
I came to a conclusion
Not proven, yet well rooted

That love is not a feeling
But a state of being
Where your heart is completely bare
Vulnerable to every tear

She's free to make it sing
To bring joy to everything
Or provoke the darker notes
And life shall don a bitter coat

Because after everything you did
All the fights
And all the insults
All the broken promises
And all the lies
All the short retorts
And all the K's
I still love you

You are the one who got me to
Open my heart just to make it easier
For you to stab me where it hurts

You are the reason my days are wasted
Spent dreaming about better ones
A time when you still cared

Yet when I want to walk away from it
All the pain, all the emptiness
You blame me for leaving

You comfort my departure
With disgustingly ironic words
"I'll always be here"

Does this mean you'll be waiting
For me to change my mind
Make a mistake and come back

On the surface that sounds nice
It sounds like you don't want me to go
That after everything, you still care

But empty words are easily shattered
Unlike diamond, the surface is easily pierced
And the rotten core is revealed

You'll always be here?
You mean this desolate plain?
This ghost of a paradise you set ablaze?

You're waiting in the same
Dead end alleyway
That I'm trying to escape

The life you're giving me is not enticing
If you want me you'll have to move
Being "here" won't get you far