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 Apr 2015 Grizzo
Poetic T
"Where do I begin"
It was mostly normal, then it wasn't.
I'd say it was *quick
but it wasn't,
**** the pain, never felt anything
like this, my flesh as if it was pealing
One layer at a time.

"I felt clammy"
"I felt bleak numbness"
"Then I felt nothing"


DAY ONE (Death)

I was eyed open, I had pasted in
Fear, vision bleached as if
No one was longer here, but
I saw all the tears, hands upon
My cold ridged chest. I could
Make out voices as if spoken
Far, but all was unclear.


DAY TWO (morgue)

I felt each blade cut upon me,
Violating my flesh, had  I not
Suffered in life, pain, anguish.
Now they handle me as if I
Were nothing, but parts to be
Throw on scales, is life weighed
Out, no dignity even in death.
I hear the voices, footsteps pass
My eyes are still open, my vision
Of aluminium surrounds. They
Stitched me, but I am neither
Whole or one. They took from
Me, I have no heart it is gone,
They itch its maddening I need
To touch but they rub on cold
Flesh touching dead bone.


WEEK  ONE (Coffin)

I hear tears as my gaze is forward
Never closed, no coins for the
Man of the river to find peace,
I'm now travelling all alone.
My eyes wide open, they touch
Upon my artificially kept skin,
Make up to hide those spots
Where death has prematurely
Set in. They cry their tears on
Wood they fall, some are
Meaningful, sorrow sensed
In there voice. Others are just
Show boating their grief, only
To see if there was anything in
The cookie jar now I'm gone.  


MONTH ONE (Enclosed Isolation)

The darkness is never changing,
Time has no meaning underground.
I scream in silence, my lips, vocals
Do not move but inside it reverberates
Around. Nice interior, soft on dead
Flesh. I saw it land on me, that blue bottle
Buzzing around, It sat upon me, did
What it wanted, now I feel them within.
If I were alive would this be a sensation
Of being ticked or horror as they eat
What is now decaying within.

MONTH SIX (Alone)

"I miss them"
But time moved on they feasted
For what was an eternity, consuming
Me, then upon themselves. Till all
Was still, and only death was
Welcomed once again in this
Lonely place of wood and bone.  
I am pure of the mortal world,
No flesh, sight unseen that went
Long ago. I am so isolated down
Here, no longer do I sense footsteps
Above, the mumbling of voices
Silenced never returning to this
Casket of torment in the darkness
I am trapped within alone.


YEAR??

I can see why the dead hate you all,
Leaving us in these dark prisons,
Why leave us like this, why not
Cremation let us in the essence
Of ash be free. I am trapped in this
White cage of bone, waiting  for that
Time when to dust it falls. I am a
Dead man hear me moan, You hear
Those noises in the graveyards, when
All is still. it is the dead in there prisons
Never free, till bone is to dust. I give
One warning to those above, burn
Your dead lest yourself you find
Trapped within a prison forsaken in this *shell.
 Apr 2015 Grizzo
Pax
sea of thoughts
 Apr 2015 Grizzo
Pax
I’m tired of carrying you at my back.
Keeping you well fed
to the point I starved myself.

Did you often wonder what I feel?  
Have you ever thought of what I really want?
Have you ever seen me without my deep façade?

The difficulty I'm facing is well kept.
Time after time it wears me down.
To the point of exhaustion.
When can I stop and have a little break?
My mind is full and my heart is heavy.

These questions will remain lost in the sea of my thoughts.




© 2013 Pax

a very heavy old fragment, still hung around, carrying, starving, well someday in someway I'll be able to let you go....
 Apr 2015 Grizzo
Pax
Afraid to drown
 Apr 2015 Grizzo
Pax

I bathe in milk
The Ripples along the water are as fine as silk
NO! This is not something I fancy
In life, sometimes you just want to try
In the end we just have to stop the stupid lie.
To live or die
To breathe or just drown
Seems everybody wears a crown
NO! I lost mine a long time ago.
Perhaps temporary is all I could have, so I dare go…
Grab what’s on hand
Never expecting high demand
Then I get lost, soaked
And a little broke
To start a new beginning
Is still out of reach, I’m screeching…
Not in pain but in the cloud that blocks the way
Wishing the fear will stay at bay
Never reaching my awful screeching
Oh CHOICES! I wish I ACTED ON YOU differently
NOT fearing disappointing those who support me.
But hey! What is done cannot be undone
I stand in what I’ve chosen, I never run…
I tried my best to stop my mouth
From reasoning-in or reasoning-out
For your choice is your own responsibility
So I stop blaming others for my problematic probability
I bathe again, in warm water this time
Hoping to wash away the disease that struck me
Faults of my own neglect
Laziness and Tiresome – and its ripple effects
Now I fear I’ll drown…

........... a type of monologues i guess....
partly inspired by this photo:
http://manuelestheim.deviantart.com/art/On-drowning-393658861

a friend of mine hit something when she said:

Sometimes we are all afraid of drowning in the choices we have made. But there's nothing to do but go on. The water of time washes many things away.
 Apr 2015 Grizzo
Pax
Unlucky
 Apr 2015 Grizzo
Pax
Lucky are those who have found love
and been loved.

Lucky are those who bear the gift of face.
   Easy is for them to find an easy case
            for their own taste
     - a goal for their own base.

Lucky are those who has an outstanding confidence.
For by it, they don’t live with a doubtful fence.
Freely as they get any wants in their existence.

I give away smiles, pieces of my lies,
        pretending not having rainy skies.
Hiding my Breathless sighs.

Sometimes I am like a rock
   too dull to feel, a surface too rough.
A sense I lost, an unreachable core,
I don’t know how to love anymore.



*© 2014 Pax
to simply say: "I am just unlucky in terms of love"


First of all I want to give my special thanks to all my friends who supports me not in my writing but the me who is inside in every piece I penned. To all of you, it let me believed that I should not give up on love, with that it is enough for me to stay positive… hopeful for someday someone will come and bring spring to my 'cold landscape', bring light to my 'unglowing star' and a home that I could finally call my own to stop being the 'passerby'...

....
 Apr 2015 Grizzo
Mike Essig
This is just to say
you have restored my voice
after three years
of oppressive silence.

Your words have opened
my soul and set me
once again in search
of that lost chord.

Such an unexpected gift!

I was so sure
that I would end
as a tortured mute
that I had given up
that holy quest.

Now, after a few words
and pictures,
I can sing again.

Thank you gentle Lady.

An old man now wakes
to possibilities
abandoned and forgotten.
An old man now wakes
to the warmth of a Muse.
An old man now wakes up alive.

I had forgotten how
to practice resurrection.

In your distant presence
I remember what I am,
a free-lance bhikkhu
stalking the dragon
of truth.
A man in whom
a fierce heart still beats.
  ~mce
A simple, but heart-felt thank you.
I'm not addicted,
liquor's just the fittest liquid
to sift through the litany
of **** my mind whips
into existence.
Aids in grippin
the intricate specifics
among twisted images
that slip from
simply cryptic to mystic.
It's not *******,
just simple statistics,
the rhyming gets better
when drinkings prolific.
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