Regrets are gambles you’ve taken that didn’t pay off.
I’ve gambled a lot in life and lost.
I put my chips on money instead of love. I’ve got the cash and she walked off.
I once took a hand of selfishness over a hand of time with a loving mother.
Now I’ve laid that loving mother to rest.
Regrets are gambles that didn’t pay off but don’t go bust on love

all alone in a crowded room
claustrophobia consumes
as i'm uncomfortably surrounded
by strangers
with friendly faces,
ultimately unfamiliar
yet seemingly displaced
from this blur of insanity
they pass as our reality

          where are we?

i am searching for familiarity

                                                  in an unfamiliar place

trying to find

                              a familiar face

Today was a bit easier
I realized that I didn't cry when I thought about you

Instead I was laughing at something stupid that I did
Remembering that moment I spilt my drink everywhere
and all you said was

Sauds

And even though I rushed to clean it up
you were right there beside me mopping up my mess

Laughing and commenting on my cleaning abilities

I felt bad that I made you wait
but you didn't care
cause that's just the type of guy you were

An easy smile and an open hand
ready at any moment to reach out
and help

I wish we could have helped you
I wish we saw something sooner
I wish I had the power to give you some of my years
cause Lord knows you would have used them wiser

But I know I shouldn't say that
think that
because it wont make the hurt go away

It wont bring you back
but that hope that you'll walk through the door is still there

I don't think it will ever go away

Three years later,
My love for you still inspires every fiber of my body with the same intensity of our first explosive kiss.

Three years later,
Any second of you in mind I feel like my body starts floating high like smoke coasting through the atmosphere.

Three years later,
With patience and understanding still standing by your aside upon command like a silly pup tugging at the bottom of your jeans.

Three years later,
Your absence still suffocates me, squeezing my lungs as I lose my breath and my consciousness...perhaps even sanity.  

Three years later I continue to wait....