Melissa: Poems

all your imperfections are perfection to me

Melissa Sep 2015

all your imperfections are perfection to me

that little scar on your lip

the crinkles by your eyes

that tiny dimple on your hip

the curve of your thighs

the stray curls from your hair

your hand that fits in mine

the weary smile that you wear

my dear you are divine

#love

american "dream"

Melissa Sep 2015

american "dream"

t's not the american dream

it's the american nightmare

nine to five, nine to five

every single day and every single night

total numbness

we've lost our will, we've lost our fight

what do we do when we come home?

we sit in front of our televisions

sitting in our beat up lazy-boys

yelling at our beat up wives

sipping on our ice cold beer

ranting about our boring lives

isn't this the american dream?

we hate our jobs, hate our bosses

we're just trying to survive

but all this responsibility is killing us

we're dead inside

and we want out but we're still

living in our double-wides

broke and decrepit on the inside

but ***** it, it's the american dream

let's take what they media says as gospel

because they couldn't ever be wrong

could they?

no, no they wouldn't lie to us

instead of finding our own right and wrong

we follow like pigs to the slaughter

we ignore what's going on in the rest of the world

we ignore what's going on inside everyone else

because they aren't us, we don't know them

they aren't our kids, our mothers, our fathers,

our brothers, our sisters, our cousins,

our friends..

so why should we care?

selfishness infects us like a plague

a hereditary disease

we are all so selfish

apathy is a slow growing tumor

strangling and numbing us from inside

but whatever!

go to your therapist, get some pills

and choke it down, like you choke down you own morality

mortality is a joke

this is america!

freedom never dies, so why should we?

i can go where i want, ***** who i please,

take what i want, ignore the rules set down

because they don't apply to me

so what if i step on some other people?

so what if i build my empire on the sweat of their backs?

it's the american dream!

do things for you, improve yourself

with our "i"Phones and our "self" helps

God bless america and no one else!

there are people who have fought for us

died for us, for our freedom

for the great land of the free

and the home of brave

but hey! let's leave them out on the streets to rot

because to us their ***** and worthless

we don't care.

"decadence can fill your holes

if it's tangible it will save your soul"

right? right? right?

that's what they teach us

we'll keep working nine to five

smoking, drinking, beating, dying

an angry mob of puppets

but who's pulling the strings?

so sit back on your lazy-boys, lazy boy

and pop open a cold beer

turn on the television

and drown for a few hours until you decide

to go ***** your wife

tell your kids to go to college, stay in school, say no to drugs

but you've been schooled because you thought you had it all

your drug is your own pleasure

you have nothing

you are nothing

until you decide to be something

and get out of this nightmare

start living a dream

Ana

Melissa Nov 2015

Ana

I wasn't looking for Ana—I had just seen her around

I didn't try to find her—it was me that was found

I wouldn't have guessed that we'd ever meet

But Ana's so clever—she just can't be beat

She'll crawl through a window when you close all the doors

And Ana, she's looking to settle a score

At first it was hard (controlling the greed)

But I've learned that Ana's the only friend I need

Free as a bird, light as a feather

I'm only happy if we are together

When the 'real' me started to show through my skin

people said, "you look so pretty, you look so thin"

No one realized I wasn't yet done

Cause Ana's work had only just begun

I realized I wasn't quite yet ideal

Life would be better if I skipped a few meals

As the scales dipped lower in my favor

I discovered 'skinny' was the tastiest flavor

Angles are corners, and corners can hide

Everything fat and twisted inside

When people started giving me looks

I smiled and said 'control' is all that it took

They shook heads, mouths curling down

I returned their disgust with a guarded frown

My friends tried to beg me to eat

But Ana just wouldn't let me cheat

Ana said eating was giving into fear

How could we stop when perfection was so near?

My parents told Ana was giving them a scare

But they didn't understand me so I didn't care

They told me Ana wasn't all that she seemed

But Ana had helped me achieve what I dreamed

Ana's the greatest and truest of friends

She promises that I'll be beautiful close to the end

It's Ana who holds my hair and lets me release

Whenever the urge to purge doesn't cease

Ana, oh Ana, so sneaky and wise:

"We're going to be friends until one of us dies"

I have to hide her away, people just don't approve

Ana's in my life and she can't be moved

Even if they tried, they couldn't take her away

Ana's in my heart and she's here to stay

People won't ever find in me what they seek

Because Ana has helped me perfect my technique

Then one day I felt more pain in body than in my heart

And I realized it was too late for me and Ana to be apart

Go ahead and befriend Ana if you dare

But reader, oh reader, please beware

You think that it's Ana who truly cares

But it's Ana who will haunt you everywhere

Once Ana gets a grip on you, she won't give you up

She'll just throw out your plate and empty your cup

"When people try to help, don't let them in"

See? With Ana, you can never win

After a while, she's gained all your trust

"lose more" she whispers, and you know that you must

For Ana's the master and you are the slave

She'll punish you sorely if you misbehave

It's too late by the time you realize the monster she's made

That's when you've already begun to fade

Please listen, dear reader—it's not the weight

It's not you—it's Ana that you truly hate

Ana's a wolf disguised as a sheep

But she'll stay by your side when death comes to reap

Ana and Mia are one in the same

Eventually it's your soul that they finally claim

I was fourteen when I paid the ultimate price

From taking dear Ana's 'helpful' advice

For my sister.

#depression #anorexia #bulimia

bullets

Melissa Sep 2015

bullets

dodge the bullets
like one, two, three
I'd take a hit for you
would you take a hit for me?

don't give me a gun
I'll just use my feet
dance out this frustration
because you're bringing the heat
to this crumbling nation
we've long grown cold
but now we're melting
it's easy to say you'd die for someone
but I've got too many holes
for a bullet to go through and miss
heaven's not the place for wicked souls
I can hear the flames crackle and hiss
and I'm sweating bullets

I'm under fire
but I'm all burned out
the smoke rises higher
and I'm covered in soot
don't give me a gun
or I'll just shoot my own foot

the empty shells
(like us) lined up on the floor
your apathy says "oh well"
but your heart wonders what for
why are fighting?
when we can't win this war?
trade our ammunition
for empty promises
now listen,
those shooting stars are just comets
but they won't shoot us
we've got a bullet proof vest
I've given you a gun
I'm willing to test
the strength of my armor

they say faith is dead
but that's lie,
it's just that man's biggest enemy
is his own head
and to the silence the voices
he'll take his fingers
half cocked, safety off
in the shape of a gun
and pull it up to his head, crying "help me"
but the hungry will watch
because violence is fun!

dodging bullets
in quick succession
my feet heavy like lead
I have an confession
that I'm not bulletproof
you just have bad aim
you're out of bullets now
come back when you've figured out
how to play the game

burn for you

Melissa Sep 2015

burn for you

i stroke the coals, the charred remains

i kiss the embers, i fan the flames

the fire rages, the fire cries

it's furious passion will never die

there's still a fire burning

inside my heart, inside my soul

but darling, oh darling

it's not burning for you

anymore

#love #fire #passion #burn #apathy

color

Melissa Sep 2015

color

you were yellow

like the sun

(I hated yellow

but I loved you)

I was blue

like the sky

(you hated me

but loved blue)

and what we had

made others jade

(oh but we were precious emerald

but even emerald is just green)

and slowly out color began to fade

and you were just yellow

and I was just blue

(not meant to mix on the palette

because green just wasn't for you)

I had never been cerulean

or azure, indigo, or turquoise

(sapphire, cyan, aquamarine

those colors just weren't me)

but now I was just washed away

barely even blue

(really more of a grey

but you don't care for colors, do you?)

and then a scarlet flash

of something bright

(a happy shade

a vermilion sight)

a steady flame

a vibrant red

(the smell of strawberries

inside my head)

she didn't mind my

yellow stain

(she had one of her own

but that color has no name)

she was a rose in a field of thorns

you were a dandelion in a field of daises

(I was a forget-me-not

she didn't, but you forgot)

her ruby words

my face flushed crimson

(a color I had

never felt before)

my grey grew vivid

shifting back into blue

(this time I was indigo, cyan, sapphire

azure, cerulean, and turquoise, too)

a happier blue

then I was before

(because I have you

and you are so much more)

you are red

like a sunset

(a brilliant tint

a lovely tone)

I am blue

like the sea

(and the sky

is blue like me)

together we're lilac

a lavender hue

(and you are just red

and I am just blue)

our colors can bleed

our colors can touch

(because we both like

purple very much)

#love #metaphor #romantic #color

conversations

Melissa Sep 2015

conversations

I ask, "How are you?"

You ask, "I thought you knew?"

I grin, "I have a surprise."

You grin, "Is waiting wise?"

I state, "Have patience, my dear."

You state, "No patience, I fear."

I joke, "Let's be together."

You joke, "It'd be my pleasure."

I smirk, "We're different, and you are something."

You smirk, "We're brilliant, and how very touching."

I laugh, "You're distracting me."

You laugh, "Do you want me to leave?"

I reply, "Don't go."

You reply, "I know."

I smile, "I'd do anything for you."

You smile, "I don't think that's entirely true."

I stand, "Let's speak."

You stand, "How bleak."

I swallow, "I have something to say."

You swallow, "Is everything okay?"

I bite, “Lately, I’ve been craving you more.”

You bite, “How come you’ve never told me before?”

I say, "I'm blind to you, you're blind to me."

You say, "Or do we just refuse to see?"

I warn, "My head isn't on straight."

You warn, "That's okay, I can wait."

I scoff, "This might hurt."

You scoff, "You're not that sort."

I sigh, "What's love?"

You sigh, "Us, kind of."

I stare, "I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet."

You stare, "If I opened them, I'd learn, I bet."

I purr, "Be mine."

You purr, "The thought's divine."

I plead, “I want you.”

You plead, “I need you.”

I breathe, “I love you.”

You breathe, “I always knew.”

#love

dear jack

Melissa Sep 2015

dear jack

mr. daniels
please hold me tight
I need a little comfort
on this lonely night

dear mr. daniels
please be my friend
and I'll be yours
until the very end

hey mr daniels
can I call you jack?
take away my memory
I don't want it back

okay jack
treat me well
I hope you know
what I had to sell

come on jack
I need a release
we can go all night
until they call the police

please jack
lets get in a fight
don't you dare go easy
I want to lose tonight

#depression #alcohol #jackdaniels

get out of my head

Melissa Sep 2015

get out of my head

i can't get you out of my head

you're always there...all the time

i know we both have somebody

but i want so badly to call you mine

even if it's just for a little bit

one day—one night

i have to have you (so desperately)

it's just my conscience i fight

we both know it's wrong

to feel this way

to touch each other like this

there'll be hell to pay

but i don't want you to stop

and so it doesn't stop you

are you sure you want to go on?

oh god, i think i love you, too

what would they say if they found out?

because dear, we're their best friends

this'll be our little secret

we'll keep it to the end

why does this have to be so hard?

i can't hurt either of you

can't i just have you both?

i don't know what to do

because i love you as much

as i love her

if not equally

than just a little more

#cheating #affair

icarus

Melissa Sep 2015

icarus

she had her eye on the prize
her heart set on one goal
she was looking for something
to save her own soul
like a flash she was there
then gone with a blink of an eye
and now all they want to know
is whether or not to cry
where did she go?
where did she run?
maybe like Icarus she just flew
a little too close to the sun

#suicide #sad #friendship #runaway

i see poetry

Melissa Sep 2015

i see poetry

I saw her
but she wasn't a human
she wasn't flesh and curves and hard lines
she wasn't tangible and real
she was a poem
made up of woven sentences
synced syllables and flowing verse
she was a ballad, a couplet, a sonet
free verse
beautiful and poignant and touching
heart breaking and encouraging
I could see my favorite line
curving around her jaw
and resting on her nose
it was a haiku
and the meaning was meant
just for me
her hair was like pages
fluttery and fragile
yet strong and pure
I wanted to touch it
to feel the realness of it all
and to smile at the smell
of a good book
instead I sat down with her
consumed the lyrics in her eyes
over a cup of coffee
I read her everyday
a chapter her and a chapter there
and when I finished
I hardly knew
what to do with myself
but read the book
again

#love #poetry #metaphor #freeverse

i think therefore i am

Melissa Sep 2015

i think therefore i am

proverbial madness
no longer a philosophical question
caged by your own infatuation
of an ideal world
the chaos, so ordered
anarchy?
ragerageragerage
nothing breaks the glass
dear Alice, agony is temporary
death is an illusion
permanence is a fallacy
insanity is absolute
yet relative to the situation
I am ever so irrelevant
in the grand scheme of things
I think therefore I am?
is that how you will define
my existence?
because
I can't think
there I suppose
I am
not

#think #existence

just a thought

Melissa Sep 2015

just a thought

Funny how when we think we’re not enough

We begin to wonder if maybe we’re just too much

little lady, little bird

Melissa Sep 2015

little lady, little bird

little lady, little bird

with your broken wings

i don't know what you heard

but i can hear you sing

and if you listen to my words

maybe it won't sting

locked up in a cage

safe from the weather

tiny little rage

with your tiny little feather

the world's your stage

can we perform together?

stop looking around

you won't find the key

the chains are bound

i'm not letting you free

with thorns you're crowned

won't you stay with me?

margo

Melissa Sep 2015

margo

The ocean spray is on her face, the tiny salty droplets like constellations on her skin. I realize that she's beautiful, ethereal.

But the space between us stretches for miles, a platonic bridge that I can't seem to cross.

"Sometimes I think that even the ocean doesn't have enough room for the both of us." She looks at me, her blue eyes defeated and choppy, the same color and temperance as the ocean.

I stare back at her in surprise. Maybe I don't really know Margo at all.

morning

Melissa Sep 2015

morning

sometimes you don't really love someone

until you know what it's like to wake up one day

thinking you'll get to see their smile and hear their voice

and you breathe in. with that sinking feeling in your chest

because you've realized that they won't be beside you

you've realized you're alone and you won't hear their voice

see their smile or touch them again

because they're gone from you

and you run your hand where they used to lie beside you

feeling the sheets (were they always so rough? you thought they were soft.

and maybe once upon a time those sheets were soft when they held a body

but that body is gone gone gone)

and you can sit there in bed with your legs growing numb

knowing that your only one is out there laughing with someone else

kissing, touching, loving someone else

and getting coffee at that cafe they loved so much and maybe reading a book

and it kills you because you don't know where they are

or if they're thinking of you like you think of them at 3 am when you can't sleep

or if they have no trouble sleeping at all, because they're not in the same pain

and you've been struggling to get out of bed these past few days

and today you won't get out of bed. you'll just lie there and think

about how things used to be and how they are now and how it *****

and you'll torture yourself with thoughts like this, but you can't help it

you'll just lie there, immobile. drowning in your own thoughts and emotions

and you'd give anything to not feel anything but you feel everything

except the feel of your lovers skin because you don't have a lover anymore

you're just going day to day, barely making it through

but god help you if one day you decide you can't make it through

and you finally get the courage to cut a little deeper

or finally load the gun and pull the trigger

and you'll go without a note, because they didn't leave a note

but it'd be stupid to go like that, you aren't that bad off

are you? you don't know anymore

that feeling in your chest is your anchor in your sea of troubles

and inside of floating you're sinking, why don't you just swim?

you roll over in your bed, the mattress creaking and you inhale

breathing in the lingering scent on the pillow

how many months has it been since they were there?

how many months since you were able to breathe them in?

and you lie there for a while, pretending you were snuggled close

to the only other person who could understand what you were thinking

and read what your eyes screamed so loudly

all you have is a photograph, the edges crinkled and soft

because you've kept in your pocket so every time your hands

got a little lonely you could reach in and hold them one more time

you hadn't thought they were serious when they said they'd be gone

in the morning, but here you are

alone

in the morning

**breathe out.

#heartbreak #breakup

music

Melissa Sep 2015

music

music inhalation

        pure joy

vibrated into the bones

beating in sync with the heart

        music is. existence

everything else

        sheer noise

#music

poetry is stupid

Melissa Sep 2015

poetry is stupid

it's not that special

what i do

because all i do

is put down

words

that sound cool:

nacreous

adulation

effervescence

narcissistic

imbroglio

divine

haphazard

there's no rhythm

in what i say

all i'm doing

is breaking

lines

and adding

s p a c e s

sometimes

(yes, sometimes)

i put my words

(in these)

in things we call parentheses

and sometimes

(yes, sometimes)

i repeat myself

and call it

emphasis

(emphasis)

on occasion

I might rhyme

but that takes thought

and that takes time

cat, hat, bat

late, hate, date

fat, gnat, mat

mate, fate, eight

sometimes syllables

can help your flow sound better

much like a haiku

if i talk about angst

death, love, and self-hate

(cliche topics)

it's deep

but my favorite

poem i ever

wrote

was about bacon

and god forbid

i capitalize

because that would mean

it didn't look artsy

THIS IS NOT OKAY

Neither is this.

no punctuation

at all

people say my poetry

is beautiful

that I follow all the rules

but I didn't know there

were rules

to follow

really all I do

is put random words

random phrases

in random patterns

and call it art

relax and unwind

Melissa Sep 2015

relax and unwind

recreation's okay

if you don't overuse

it helps on days

full of constant abuse

it's not like I'm crazy

or criminally inclined

i just like to relax

i just like to unwind

too much to forgive

so much pain to forget

the world is in chaos

it helps ease my regret

don't worry about me

i got a lot on my mind

i just love to relax

just love to unwind

it's not going to **** me

there's no need to judge

i'm careful as can be

please don't hold a grudge

you say that's it's hurting you

you say "I'm not blind"

but I need to relax

i just need to unwind

what's the harm in a buzz?

it's better than nothing

"she does what she does"

we all want to feel something

maybe I should stop

they say you only have so much time

but I have to relax

have to unwind

#drugs

society is full of technicalities but the reality's not far from the fantasy

Melissa Sep 2015

society is full of technicalities but the reality's not far from the fantasy

i thought we ironed

out all the creases

but our walls still crumbled

and now we're left with the pieces

i don't want any trouble

i'm fine with the rubble

i don't want any hassle

i'll just build a new castle

and crown myself king

stage

Melissa Sep 2015

stage

People  in painted faces

        living in quiet repression

        sharing a silent depression

unspeakable

        Insufferable.

Chained to their false personas by fear

        playing pretend, always losing the game

Reality intervenes

And just as soon it slips away

    effervescence

        a dark fantasy  in with all the

        characters are frauds.

The world is a stage

        the audience knows all the secrets

        the actors think they hide so well

#stage #facade #actors

stillborn

Melissa Sep 2015

stillborn

I remember when I held you in my hands

I couldn't stop staring at you

promised I'd be gentle as I can

and I think you promised, too

you'd look like you were sleeping

if your skin wasn't so cold

even though your heart's not beating

it's you I wanna hold

can I cradle you for a little while?

if you don't mind and they don't care

i bet you'd have your mother's smile

i see you have my messy hair

i know I'm too young to be a dad

but I'd have tried my best

it wouldn't have been all that bad

i think you'd be impressed

i don't have all the answers,

i can't tell you why

i never got to say "hello"

and you never said "goodbye"

let's just stay here a little longer

i promise that a little later

i'll be a little stronger

#death #child #stillborn

trigger

Melissa Sep 2015

trigger

I put the gun to my head
thinking the world
wants me dead
count the bullets
leave no room for mistakes
"just pull the trigger"
they say that's all it takes
they come bursting through the door
but they don't understand
I don't want to live anymore
I don't see them
they're in the shadow of a demon
in my mind, I just see him
he begs me, "pull the trigger
before they stop you
pull the trigger
so I can rest, too"
I whisper boom
feel the cold metal against my head
but apparently
my brother doesn't want me dead
and it's too late
I've missed my chance
and now there's no trigger to pull
yet

#suicide #depression

who the...is that

Melissa Sep 2015

who the...is that

this isn't really a poem
but who the crap is in my profile picture
i don't know that person
i just logged on
wow

with you it's different

Melissa Sep 2015

with you it's different

staring into the hollow pits

i can't seem to find your soul

your soul that links with mine

you ignore my words.

i plead, and beg,

stop! Stop! Please!

and then it's over

you cry

i cry

and I forgive you

why?

i love you

and I deserved it anyway

your kiss burns against mine.

it cuts through my pain

and I want more

but then again the memory of the kiss

hurts more than your fist

ever could

she notices, though

she sees the bruises

"get help" she says "please tell someone"

to tell someone would hurt you

ruin you

i can't do that

you saved me

I love you

you say you love me too?

you try your hardest to prove it

"you're mine", you say

no one else can have me

your words burn more then the sun on my face

and sting harder than the slap after slap

i know you didn't mean it

deep down, you're okay

just hurting

misunderstood

wronged

i understand

i'm here for you

after all, I'm yours

and you're mine, right?

love lasts longer than anger

the punches hurt

so do the pinches

the twists

the kicks leave me with a sick feeling

i can't help but sob and cry

and you cry too

you hate to hurt me

you just need a release

so you comfort me with kisses

i try to please you

you rock me when I cry

say you're sorry

and I believe you

"you belong to me," you say, "know that and never forget"

"and you're mine" I reply

"life is rough" you whisper, cradling my head

so I cover up

long sleeves even in summer

people look at me funny

but I know they're just jealous of us

i'll be okay

it doesn't hurt that badly

you need it

you understand me

we belong together

i crave your touch

no matter what form

you said you're sorry—it won't happen again.

but your words they cut me

like a knife

the blade fillets my heart

the bruises will heal

the words will be forgiven

scars will fade

but you'll be with be forever

because after all

you love me

right?

If you're in an abusive relationship, please seek help. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

#love #abuse #tragic

— The End —