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Moni Oct 2018
My demons all fight
Over the music in my soul.
Oh how i hate
This lack of control
Moni Oct 2018
I wish i could feel
Those dearly hated emotions
That kept me up for days.
The ones that broke me down
And put me through the haze
Of emptiness.
I want my life to go crumbling
Down on me like
Raindrops on a sunny day.
I crave destruction,
I crave self-hate,
I crave it as much as an alcoholic
Craves alcohol
Because I don't deserve to be fine.
I don't deserve happiness,
I want it all to go away.
The blade that left
More than figurative scars
Is so tempting,
Yet it doesn't feel the same.
I feel pathetic and no good.
I want that blade to hit my skin
And be self-destructive.
I want to be this way again,
But i don't.
I wish I could be normal
I hated being numb, self-destructive, and sad, yet it's the only thing i know. I feel like no matter what i do, i'll never be happy with myself
Moni Sep 2018
Look into my eyes.
Don't tell me you are fine.
I'd rather watch you break down and
Cry
Listen to you tell these ugly lies.

Let your words
Break into sobs
And let me watch as your once red tears
Turn clear.
Please tell me why you
Still do this to yourself.

Don't tell me what I want to hear.
Tell me why you break down.
Tell me what you feel
And the things you fear

Tell me how you got stuck
In this rut.
Let me listen
And don't think you're the burden
On my shoulder.

You should fear for youself
More than you do me.
You should be free
From these mosnters in your head.
But they keep dragging you down.

You need someone
But you keep running
Until you're all out of breath.
I'll try to help and try to understamd
But you'll just keep runing until your death
To my friend. I wish you could get better.
Moni Aug 2018
I don't know weather
I'm digging my grave
Or my past,
But I hope this feeling
Doesn't last forever
man, life really *****
  Aug 2018 Moni
Erica
smiles at day
tears at night
laughs with friends
cries alone
shaky all the time
'i'm fine'
'i already ate'
'i'm full'
'it's nothing'
'it won't happen again'
'don't worry about me'
L I E S
A L L
L I E S
therefore...
i'm not fine
i'm starving myself
i'm hungry
it's something, help me, please
its most definitely going to happen again
worry about me please i need it
Moni Aug 2018
You live out your life
While I bleed my feelings.
Oh how different we are.
Moni Aug 2018
I feel numb.
My emotions as empty
As my expression.
Thinking that maybe this
Can be this thing people call
Depression.
After weeks of suppressing
All these emotions,
I so badly want to feel them again.
It’s that one missing
Piece to this puzzle
Of what it’s like
To normal and whole.
You’re living and breathing
Like a normal human being,
But you can’t fully function
Like one.
Your drowning in the lack of emotions
That you would even ****
To feel anything.
Even if takes
A silver blade
That tears apart your flesh
And your mind.
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