I knew life was more than my love for you.
I just got lost in the idea that I'd suffocate without you by my side.
But I knew that with time and space, the sun would come out
and I’d remember how to breathe again.
But I guess, I never anticipated this bittersweet feeling
that arises when my mind wonders back to you.
You’re getting married this weekend,
which I’ll admit still surprises me after everything.
But I’m not shocked, nor am I angry anymore.
I’m not as broken as I thought I was.
And through this time, I learned that you didn’t break me.
But rather that, I broke myself trying fix you.
This was unfair to me, but it was also unjust to you.
Fragments of my soul were never meant
to substitute your missing pieces.
So, although there are lot of things between us,
that I guess always will be there,
I want you to know that I’m sorry, and that
I truly want you to be happy.
I’m not done growing from this and I won’t be for a long time
But I’m done letting this define me.
Because life is more than my love for you
When you told me you didn’t love me anymore,
I still had your bites of passions on my chest.
The imprints of your fingers grasp were still on my thighs.
And warmth of your soul was still embracing my heart.
It’s funny how with few words,
your marks of lust can turn to bruises of disgust.
The body that once had signs of our connection,
now shows spots of my shame.
How many times can you rip my heart out before I can die?
Why do you insist on finding out?
I hate the way you've made me think about myself.
I'm disgusted with my own dependence on you.
I resent that I feel like I can't breathe without you.
You've destroyed what I believed love is supposed to mean.
You're soiled my dreams of falling for my best friend.
You continuously shred my heart with your whiplash tenderness.
I'm confused by you.
Is your attention lust or infatuation?
You and I can't seem to be apart.
No matter how many times I tell you it hurts to be together.
You've made me ashamed to show my face around.
Your touch has turned my skin *****, it can't be physically cleaned.
When your name appears on my phone, I feel like throwing it and running the other way.
I wish I could take everything back.
Every stolen moment together, every private joke, every discrete dinner.
I want you to know that I want this to be over.
You didn't believe that I could move mountains the way she could.
How could you think that,
when I have already changed my terrain to fit your boarders?
Are my winds not as strong and passionate?
Are my tides not as intense and devoted?
Why is her heat better than mine,
when you tell me we are the same temperature?
Your people can’t be trusted anymore.
They speak lies through split tongues,
Claiming they want what’s best for each of us,
While handing us matches to start the war.
Your people were never really mine,
They never gave me the allegiance they gave you.
But they faked a loyalty that was continuously shattered
until I finally said enough.
These people aren’t my people.
My people will come when the time is right.
When I take the next step and chose to walk away from my sword.
My people will take care of me and I them
My people will help me forget the pain yours have caused.
And, my people will never betray me the way you have
It's taken me 1 year, 10 months, and 20 days
to realize that you will never love me,
the way I have always loved you.