trains are moving, birds are flying
and everytime she sees him
her soul is dying

my heart skips a beat
whenever you look me into my eyes
whenever you talk to me
or when she was just thinking
about him and his innocent soul

his love for her was brighter than the bluest sky.
the kind of blue that nobody could reject.

this boy had this special thing
he always had this smirk on his face
and a other look on things
his thoughts were deep
but his heart was afraid
he didnt want to lose this battle

their love story wasnt like the ones
in books, it wasnt like a fairytale
it wasnt like a happy story

but she was happy to call him hers

he was her home

At night while you're lying in your bed, angry at the sleep your body is depriving itself of, I hope you think of me and I hope your blood boils.
When your brain is dancing, tangled and knotted with your demons from all realms of your life; past, present, future, and you feel your hands clench into wrecking ball like fists, I hope you feel my phantom hands close lightly around them reminding them the pain isn't worth it. And then I hope you swing anyway.
When you grip a hand full of your hair, I hope you feel my fingers brush the tendrils from your face, and then I hope you pull.
When you lean against the first solid object in your path, on both arms, just looking for something to hold you up, I hope you feel my arms snake around you and my breath on your neck reminding you to breathe, just breathe with me, like this, slow it down, match me. Then I hope you forget how to breathe all together and your legs give out and you fall, weak, to the ground.
While you're down there shaking with anger and sadness and heaving out tears you dare let no one see, I hope you miss my calmness.
And more than anything, I hope as every second plays out you know that all it would take is one call, and I'd be there to ease you out of the nightmare I know you're trapped in.
And then, I hope you choke to death on the thought of letting someone like that go.
And I hope for your sake it was worth it.

Explanations;
In every day that I speak
and every day that I hear myself thinking
I just keep on
finding that words are impossible.
Yet they hold so much possibility inside
and that's something I see now even more.
What I take from this is at least I can try.

So now I'll try,
So if you just could listen,
(Not that it's ever been a task to make you listen to the things I say)
When I tell you this one thing:
Never do I leave it long
because I long to leave.
This is something you really have to know.
(I'm not entirely sure that this makes much sense at all)

But, little stranger, I think you know it now,
In some kind of way,
And mostly I think that because
somehow everything is strange now.
'Little stranger';
Less little than me, but somehow equally as strange.
Everything is strange now
but it all makes more sense that way.

I kissed you
and tasted alcohol
staining your lips

I didn't find this wrong
Or unusual
Or concerning

All I could think about
Was how I wanted to become
Something you were addicted to

I wanted to drip past your tongue
Pour down your throat
Bitter but enjoyed

Turn to me when you need comfort
Let me haze your mind to take away all pain
Blur your vision so you don't see what you don't want to

I can be your new intoxication.

instead of a hearty declaration of love
i simply whispered, ‘oh, ****’

and you realised you’d never be rid of me
and now i sleep with a faint smile on my lips
and love bites tracing my hips

friday night and i'm drowning
sweating and struggling to find the right air for my lungs
you look straight through me

and i feel like calypso
but you pulled at me with blue-veined hands
through white sand and concrete
and this is where i leave you
lips bleeding, your only loyalty to blue velvet sky

we outgrew the fort where we played lovers
still sitting inside, our heads bumping against the ceiling
plates and forks too small
and every time the clock ticks to five i think of you
striding through that door like a giant in a house of fine things

once we thought we wanted to be the greatest
and then we settled for something a few stories down
stopped wishing for skating across wood floors in socks
stopped planting lace for flowers and a sunday preacher
instead we settled for cold dinners and dead peonies in teacups

clutching pillow, laughing
turn the sound off and it looks like i'm screaming
and you're screaming too but for completely different reasons
by lamplight on creaky bed frame with a lone car zooming into the skylight

you were my moon&sun;&stars;
and for you i was the person who knew how to put your stars into constellations
i was a drowning mermaid
something seeming impossible but dangerously real at dawn's light
hands poking through teal-grey surf, clawing clawing

you stepped back and looked down, horrified and delighted
and i stopped being a mermaid and became a gold necklace
a hand adjusting that gold necklace, cool to touch on the nape
with my art school hair and sideways monday never smile

i fought through hell for you
i went through screaming at the top of my lungs
and came out on the other side, trailed by hideous, dark things

i sat on the sand
looking at the gold in my hand and thinking about how it looked bigger the last time i saw it

tonight i died
yesterday is a pebble crushed under my heel
but in time i will rise and fly backwards
swallowing deadly creatures whole, olive eyed and free
drinking rose petals and milk and bursting through brick

ashes become wind and wind blows through hollow tree
i will love again
but this time it will be me