Shallow breaths,
tight chest,
blurry vision,
No rest.
*******
by my thoughts:
make it stop...
‘give it all you’ve got.’
Head spinning,
hope dwindling.
Skin burning,
bones chilling.
Drowning in air
a sinking ship;
dying of thirst,
and I don’t get a drip.
Surrounded by an ocean
and I can’t see
anything.
I can’t hear
for the life of me.
This feeling
I swear
is killing 
me.
Whispering:
“give in
don’t get up
stay home
you’re not enough.
Even if there’s nothing wrong:
walk out the door
and harm
will come”
This ubiquitous feeling
draping
over me,
enveloping
everything,
wet,
and weighted...
bet you’ve never hated
someone so much
you’d stab them in the chest
and without a moments rest
grab them at the throat
so tight they can’t whisper a note
and leave them wondering
if they’ve even given their best
after their whole self feels negated.

**This hate,  
this punishment 
or something,
draped
over me
so viciously
is known as:
Anxiety.

For a moment
Climb out of that noose and come with me
Cast the razor blade away
And come
You'll see
That the eyes of youth can only imagine
A future in a week
Or two
But not a millennium
For with the gun in your teeth you cannot believe
That you are meant
For more
Than what you can already breathe
Every thud in your chest
Was made for life
A life
Well lived
Be a husband or a wife
Be an author
An artist
A creature of your own invention
A lover
A fighter
For you are needed for higher intentions
Than the tears you shed
Every night
And song
That reminds you of a time long gone
That will come again
If you just put down those meds
And come with me
Because like I said
The fumes from the car
Which you learnt to drive
For so much more you are meant to be alive

And I miss you so much that I hate myself

❅  ❅
Some days I feel like
happiness is only a myth
❅  ❅

Gentle ballerina dance
dance your way around the world
with bold precision dance
with graceful arms unfurled

Tip toe to the passion of the tune
whirling, leaping maelstrom of romance

existential exercise of poetry unwritten
fluttering, a butterfly of souls unduly smitten
with love of life and dignity stirred all up into one
resounding splash of destiny
the last breath of a swan