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Mar 2016 · 723
11:23 p.m.
You know,
I could tell

I could tell the moment you stopped trying to win me because you felt confident that you had me

That was the moment I stopped holding on to your sweatshirt like it was my life preserver
Because
I realized

I taught myself how to swim
Mar 2016 · 737
Tonight I'm missing us
Tonight I'm missing us
Or the way we used to be
I miss how much you made me laugh
I miss being...happy

Tonight I'm missing you
And the smile you used to wear
You told me stories in that voice of yours
And these silences were rare

Tonight I'm missing me
Or the piece that you still have
Serves me right for giving you
The part I can't get back

Tonight I'm missing us
Or the way we used to be
Tell me, as you lie awake,
Are you missing me?
Oct 2015 · 390
Did you know?
Did you know
That you can hurt me,
Again and again
You can make me feel like
It's my fault,
You can hit me with those bruising words
That hit too close to home,

And still make me want you?

I can't turn it off
Believe me, I've tried
And as I write this with tear stained cheeks
And shaking fingers,

I realize how easy it is for you

Did you know
That you have the ability to break me
To make me cry
To fill me with a thousand promises
That you can't keep

And still make me look at you like you're the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me?

I'll run back to you each time
I'll apologize and grovel
I'll forgive
But I never forget

Did you know
That loving you hurts?

Did you know?
Oct 2015 · 623
I'm afraid (continued)
I'm afraid of failure
You know the reason why?
It always brings me back to when
I saw suspicion in your eyes
You see, that one look on your face
Really said it all
You didn't trust me, simply put
I'd never felt so small
"You can't live in fear", he said
But he didn't understand
You have the power to hurt me most
Without lifting a hand
I've craved your pride ever since
I was a little thing,
lifting up my arts and crafts
Begging you to see
As I grew, I thought good grades
Would surely make you proud
So I memorized and studied late,
I practiced good and loud
I told my friends "we are so close,
I tell them everything"
I wrote you songs, and did my best
Hoping you'd be pleased
So understand why I'm afraid
Of failure, and myself
I don't want to disappoint
And I don't want to ask for help
I'm afraid of that day when I say,
"I'm sorry" and you ask
"Who told you to say that?"
As if you weren't buying that
I'm afraid of the day when you don't
Say "I love you" when you leave
Or when you walk by so coldly
It's like you can't see me
I'm afraid of the day when my
word won't mean a thing
"Frankly, we don't trust you"
Is what you're saying, don't you see?
I'm afraid of the day I feel
Like giving up
When you look at me like all I've done
Is drained you of your love
If I was honest, I'd tell you why,
Why I am afraid
If I was honest, I'd tell you, mom
The day I feared was today
Aug 2015 · 596
Silence
Want to know
how to shatter me into a million pieces?

Shut me out

My first instinct will be to pound on the door
until my knuckles are bleeding

Then I'll kneel down and plead with you to let me in

Then will come the silence
it always comes

Because I don't want to be where I'm not needed

I will wonder what I did wrong
and hang my head in shame

Then I'll be gone

Because I would rather you wound me with your words
than **** me with your silence
Aug 2015 · 496
Lie to Me
"Lie to me again" she shouted,
betrayed tears in her eyes
"Lie to me again,
then take the knife out of my side"
"Lie to me again" she pleaded,
"now you can sleep at night"
"Lie to me again" she whispered

"I love you" he replied
Aug 2015 · 1.2k
I'm afraid
I'm afraid of failure
It grows as I do
It seems they all expect too much
And the hours are too few
If I didn't care so much
I'd save myself the pain
But then I'd see the disappointment
In their eyes, and on their face

I'm afraid of darkness
Not the moonlit kind
But the sort that rests inside your soul
And pours out from your eyes
Yes, I've been there before
When blood was an escape
When what you loved now hates you
And your smile is just a game

I'm afraid of losing
Their trust, his tender heart
If I broke them, I would break myself
Every shaking part
I'm volatile, don't touch me
I'll never let you leave
I'll hold on so tightly
Till I forget to breathe

I'm afraid of myself
The monsters in my head
They kick me when I'm on the ground
Leaving me for dead
Just when I scream, "enough, enough!
What you're saying is a lie!"
The monsters speak with the voices
Of the friends I've long stood by
So I look up, and see it's true
They point and laugh and scorn
And I ask myself, "when did the monsters
Take this human form?"
You know,
when you want something so much
that when you finally get it
You are terrified you'll lose it?
Well forgive me if
I hold on too tight
I'm afraid that you'll forget I'm yours
and I'll forget you're mine

I look
into your eyes and see the same
doubts in myself
but the same dreams too
Well be patient
when I ask why
You say I'm yours
and you are mine

You are
a beautiful, wild thing
I can't understand
but I want to
I feel at home
when by your side
and you call me yours
and I call you mine

I know
that we have time, but I'm drowning
can you see?
We're battling uphill
But at the end,
I want to find
that I'm still yours
and you're still mine

I see
you standing there, so strong
and I feel weak
because I'm a vile, little thing
I crave you
by my side
saying I am yours
and you are mine

My thoughts
terrify me, so when you ask
"What are you thinking?"
I love and hate it
I'm a cloud
and you're my sky
I darken you,
why would you be mine?
the things you do,
your touch,
your eyes
I'm falling harder
I flew too high
I can't escape
You plague my mind
Will you run from this,
my thunder side?
You have your choice
so why choose me?
I'm not the sun
I'm not a breeze
I'll storm on you
I'll whip and rage
I'm selfish when
I tell you "stay"
I want to know
your deepest fears
I want to catch
your broken tears
I want to hold you
never let go
I want you, dear
so you should know
Forgive me if
I hold on too tight
I'm afraid that you'll forget I'm yours
and I'll forget you're mine
Nov 2014 · 269
Untitled
There's beauty in the ups and downs
the songs in minor key
Let me show you how to dance
when the world is thundering
There are stars in the blackest night
There are stories in the tears
Let me show you how sing
when screams are all you hear
Nov 2014 · 1.3k
If I could lie to you
If I could lie to you I'd say,
I didn't care
I've given up
No harm no foul
this was nothing
And I'd say,
I didn't cry
I slept that night
It was all right
my hands weren't shaking

All these things I'd tell you
if I could lie to you
Nov 2014 · 718
Broken kind of Beautiful
This castle in the mist
we ride on to find in ruins
Shattered pillars, wrapped in ivy
mark the graves of the loved ones

They were brave, they were thoughtless
They blazed on, with their swords drawn

This broken kind
this broken kind
this broken kind of beautiful

They danced on through the night
The attackers lay in wait
Courageous ones showed no sign
of the fear creeping at the gate

They were lost, they were hopeful
Young ones at the ready

This broken kind
this broken kind
this broken kind of beautiful

Battle drums
Beating sun
Red rivers mark the field they once played in
Final stand
Shaking hands
hold each other for the last time

We're a broken kind
a broken kind
a broken kind of beautiful
Nov 2014 · 386
Red
Red
There once was a girl who trusted too much
She wore her scarred heart on her sleeve
She would fall, she would cry, and still she would try
but in the end, they would leave

One day, a young boy offered the world
and the girl, wide-eyed and entranced,
held out her heart to him, fragile and frayed,
and in return, he gave her a dance

They stepped and they spun, not a care to be had
She invited him into her mind
As he toyed with her thoughts, she begged for more words
With each one, she grew more blind

Then, one day, she woke up and saw through the tears
that the boy had left her alone
He had taken her heart, her hope, and her fears
leaving her all skin and bones

As she saw him dance with another, she wept
clutching her empty chest
She scrawled the pain into her skin in the dark
and rocked back and forth without rest

But still a fragment of her remained
She held it gently and said,
"Never again will I give without thought."
As she wrote this story in red.

— The End —