My eyes see pain in hers.
She's sad and I can't stand to see her this way.
Her hearts in pieces shattered day by day.
I'm sorry sweet girl.
Stay strong love.
I hope you know this is for you.
You will eventually find the one for you.
She or he will be loving and strong.
Making you happy when things go wrong.
They will hug you and everything will be okay.
The only person you want to stay. Sweet Emily,
I've been reading your poetry.
I'm sorry if I bother you.
Promise to stay strong for me.
You are absolutely amazing!
Someone will come along.
And then it will be easier for you to be strong.

No one knew what is was like being unloveable.
No one knew what it was like being untouchable.
Not literally untouchable.
Just on the inside so stuck in the past that you can't breath.
Half of my panic attacks excist because of the past.
Past events that are out of my control.
And so worried about the future that I begin to lose hold.
So out of reach an untouchable.
I keep myself away from others so as not to feel the pain I've enflicted upon myself.

My anxiety is terrible.
It controls my every action.
I can't even have fun anymore.
Anxiety has me ******* under water.
Today it kept me away from my family.
It keeps me away from friends.
Away from people who try to love me.
Away from loud noises.
Everything is a trigger.
Everything kills me.
When I'm yelled at I cry.
People raise their voice I cry.
People are unrecognizable I cry.
Gun shot fires in distance I cry.
I have really bad anxiety.
And because of it today I sit alone at home.
By myself.
With no one but a blade.
Guess I'm the end it was my only friend.
Anxiety brought us closer.
So now I sit here considering od.
Considering starving myself.
Being buried a million feet under.
The waves beating me down.
No I don't think I'll cut.
Not Doing it for Emily.
Then again anxiety likes to think different.

The rain came down gently at first. Then the rain began to crash down.
Screaming.
Hiding the tears streaming down my cheeks.
Sure the rain was doing me a favor.
The night was cold.
Cold and windy.
The Stars had vanished with your memory.
You were in my past.
Someone I had to let go of.
I can't think of you anymore.
The rain felt nice on my freshly made cuts.
The clear water turning a red striking down my arm.
Idk why I'm writing this is just came upon me. No I will never lay a blade on my arm again.
Never cry for her again.
Never feel the pain she wants me to.

Just beginning.
Wyd are still young.
Still being educated.
Only 40 years ago homosexuality was still considered a mental disorder.
Now equal rights are still non existent.
Sure since then things have gotten better.
But we still are not equal!
People still laugh when they see two men walking down the street holding hands.
People still thing lesbians are just there for there own nasty pleasure.
Kiss your girlfriend it's hot.
You don't say that to straight couples.
You don't stop and yell out the window when you see them.
You don't tell them to kiss for your own pleasure.
You don't go shoot their clubs.
The world is not equal.
We are no where near equal.
We are still lower than heterosexuals.
We are still thought of as sinners by churches.
We are frowned upon.
Youth are thrown out by there parents.
We still live in fear.
No rights til we are equal
**** right I SUPORT it!

Everything makes sense.
Everything has been leading me to this moment.
Everything has been pushing me towards her.
The ups and downs.
Emotional breakdowns.
The break ups.
The first time I saw her stars lines up.
They pointed me straight to this girl.
I disregarded it.
Now I see.
I see what you were doing.

Once attentive and focused.
Now thoughts scrambled and strewn.
Impossible to figure out.
I am impossible.
Living on the edge.
Yet scared of everything.
Panic attacks flush over me too much.
Emotions take over me.
Only a few people help when the emotions hold tight.
The ones who have talked me out of suicide late at night.
The ones who have tried to sell my sister drugs.
The ones who  help me breath when breath is gone.
The ones who find words when I'm stuck in the wrong.
Floating around here I stay.
Until a stronger day.