it hurts the most
knowing he might still care
but not enough
to fight for what's there

s.s

I’m happy
(I’m depressed)

I love myself
(I hate myself)

I can’t wait to live my life
(I can’t wait to die)

I am lucky to have my friends
(why do they even like me?)

I have a family who loves me
(and I continue to disappoint them)

I am an excellent student
(I can’t focus in school)

I want to travel the world
(will I even live to do that?)

I’m fine
(I’m not fine)

I’m perfectly okay
(please help me)

Hands together
Hands not
yours in mine
mine in yours
let go
hold on
tighter
tighter
--Ow you hurt me!
let go
--Just our pinkies then?

and we walked down another aisle
of a not so crowded store
in a not so crowded town  
a promise dangling between us
and forever on my mind

Valentines day.
It's just around the corner.
A day for lovers,
to announce to the world.
While all alone
I sit.
On my bedroom for.
Watching reruns of Supernatural,
Sherlock, and Dr. Who.
But will I be sad that nobody is there for me?
Why would I be?
Will I be upset,
that I don't get chocolate or teddy bears?
Why would I be.
I dont need a guy to give me candy,
or stuffed animals.
Its all fake anyway.
So, no.
I wont be upset,
I'll be as happy as ever, if not happier.
Because I can have guys as friends,
without feeling guily,
I can eat what I want, when I want,
and not feel like I'm disappointing anyone

A good friend
4 years in fact.
She's always been there,
not one fight shes always fair
The other day in a rush,
she slipped and said too much
The pain inside,
she tells me she started to transfer it outside
4 years she did a certain incident,
4 years what a coincidence
I had no clue,
that her skies were anything but blue
Turns out no one knew,
which is nothing new
I cried the entire night,
scared she'd find the light
Trying to find a way,
to take her pain away
So much happen,
I can't even fathom
What she went through,
for a good minute, I didn't even think it was true
But that you can't fake,
my happiness it did take
I should have known,
maybe could have stopped those actions I condone
I thought her smile was real,
turns out she couldn't deal
didn't let anyone in
didn't let it out
kept it in
till it took resident upon her skin
I called her my best friend
but I couldn't see
the sadness swallowing her
guilt is all I feel
I couldn't help her when she needed me the most
what kind of friend
is that?

I'm burdened with stress,
The plans that parents press,
and over grades, they obsess,
all to get to success,
my screams I must suppress,
Have no choice but try to impress,
but I must confess,
all this lead to no progress,
my life is such a mess

We sit together collecting,
Gathering out thoughts into
A permanence that will last
Stroking them as we neaten
Each flat with our kisses
They hold our beginning
And roll up our end
For though we were
And evermore maybe
I must go
And you must stay
To look after the garden
That I made.

Love Mary ***