There’s stormy seas ahead they say
The clouds grow like mould in the sky
Batten down the hatches, mayday!
The curtains start to fly

Close the windows against the applauding rains
Lock the door, get buckets ready
But the dread won’t reach my veins
I am strong, I am steady

I have a life raft, small and warm
One bed, one bath, one key
It keeps me safe from any storm
And even the entire sea

The rain tickles the roof
Trickles in spittle down the gutter
Uneven beats on a hollow drum
The soundtrack to my slumber

I can’t think of anything beautiful,
That I haven’t already seen before.

Remembering feels like a finger dipping
Into a puddle at the back of my head

Our memories are still water
Cold, muddied, stepped in

They fill the dimples in the asphalt
Of my mind

If remembering is a water sport
Then I am an old fisherman

Trudging my boots from bay to bay
Fishing line gripped in pruned hand

Looking through the small pools
Finding goldfish in a city of pavement

There are cats in all my dreams,
And I don't know why

Cause I don’t dream of tuna
Or mice or flies

They sit on windows,
Waltz through halls

Stare from the ground when I fly
Nudge my knees when I’m naked at the ball

Watch as I drown in honey
Paw at the bugs crawling up my arms

Sit on my lap as the plane goes down
Chirp along to the fire alarms

Do cats run out of dreams when they sleep?
And so wander into other people’s?

Is that why, when I wake up,
My cat always kisses my temples

it’s 2pm PST
my PTSD is eating me
ring finger on control key
my poor and lonely body

I wish my sad was cool
I wish my sad was a day drinker
Glitter covered
Beautiful, dried tears crumbling off her cheek
Misty skinned at some glorious dark hour of the morning.

I wish my sad was heartbreaking
Others staring into a globe of poorly hidden injuries
Looking over my bare shoulders to see the balding on my nape.

Instead my sad is a creaking house at night
An unseen **** growing under the boardwalk

I turn my sadness over in my mind
Like I fold my clean washing

I hope one day my sad means more to me.