I'm in dark sunglasses
outside of Dunkin Donuts again
taking more wifi by the throat
and tearing it into this machine.
No money,
probably $50 in debt by now.
I'm tired of today already.
Trying to hide my face,
or something about me.
I don't ******* know,
I don't particularly care either.
Let's talk about something else;
My generation.
How long are we going to cough blood
until we get our **** together?
Are we slowly losing rights
or slowly gaining consciousness?
How many days are we going to to hide
our red stains away from strangers?
Is it a push towards more
"politically conscious" neo-liberals
or
pants-shittingly insane radical conservatives?
How many more mornings will we spit blood
into our bathroom sinks?
Is it nationalism, mutually assured destruction of the self,
or culture, identity, the return of humanity?
Humanity, you know, does exist.
There's just a marginally greater infliction of dehumanization
stemming from the systems we've built.
They're grinding us down.
From flesh to meat.
How much longer till we're closer
to being dinner than eating it?

Your shirts fits me
your pants short for me
yet never could fill for thee
thy shoes you left to me

"There is no poetic beauty in pain."
I am learning this slowly.
My hands still shake when it's past 2 in the morning
and breathing isn't easy most nights.
I am not poignant with my words
and some days it's hard to get out of bed.

This is my adolescence:
A tangled mess of dismantled almosts
and empty promises scribbled messily on the back of restaurant napkins.
It's stolen kisses in sleepy coffee shops,
failing chemistry,
driving recklessly,
and staying up late on lonely nights to watch the sunrise.

There are days where I'm convinced life shines
with a brilliance unknown to me,
so I continue on and live for those days.
Those days where breathing comes a little easier and I remind myself
that everything happens for a reason.
I hope you find these days where all you know is basked in a vibrance you've only read about.

Live for those days.
Live for me.

Change me, tame me,
make me who I'm not.

Stretch me, shrink me,
this is what we're taught.

Paint me, hide me,
until there's nothing left.

Maim me, shame me,
there you have it-
the world's easiest identity theft.

Sharp are your thorns,
Delightful are my moans,
In savoring your groans,
I close my eyes in contentment,
Feeling the ecstasy, the joy, I have been sent.

Even as you cause me pain,
I feel myself slowly drain,
yet, I do not feel my heart slain.
Rather, you are rightfully my existence's bane...

Just watching you, being with you, tasting you...all of these and more make me feel alive.