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Am I meant to do this? Will this
Be my
Career? I've wanted to
Do this my
Entire life. Writing has
Fulfilled me since I
Gave it a try. But it's
Hard,
Isn't it? To
Justify yourself to the world, to
Kick down the doors, to say,
"Listen to
Me!" and to
Not give up
On the way.
Popularity and success won't come as
Quickly as I want it to. It's not a
Right, not
Something to expect because I
Tried my hardest. Though it seems
Unfair, it
Very well may never make its
Way towards me, especially not if I
'Xpect it to. Not
Yet. Maybe not ever. But I hope I will reach the
Zenith someday.
I dunno, I was just feeling it.
Nov 2019 · 211
Things You Remind Me Of
You remind me of a ****** eraser.
I don't mean ******* the outside
and soft on the inside.
No.
I mean frustrating to deal with,
not worth the effort,
and you leave a dark mark
in your wake.

You remind me of a bad cup of coffee.
No, no, not bitter, that's all me.
But you? You're
stale,
like I should have
poured you down the drain
instead of consuming you,
hoping you'll improve my day.

You remind me of a Beach Boys song.
Not because I want to take you
anywhere near the Florida Keys--
ugh--
Because for the love of
******* God,
no matter what I do,
I can't seem to get you out of my head.
Nov 2019 · 398
Unfortunately for Me
We make
so much sense. But not
to you.
Nov 2019 · 304
The Concept of You
Do I want your love
or do I want to be loved
so I can know how

it’s supposed to feel?
Do I want you or is it
the concept of you

loving me, doting
on me the way I’ve dreamed of
for so long? Is that

all you are for me?
A dream? A fantasy that
will never come true?

We could have had it so good,
but life isn’t fair, is it?
My attempt at a haiku sonnet about unrequited love
Nov 2019 · 243
@happiness
Find me when
I'm ready.
Surprise me

by showing
me I am
worthy of

you and all
that comes with
your feeling.
Nov 2019 · 258
Just Existing
Alive.
Breathing.
Can I be
Described as more than just
Existing?
Friends are
Great,
Helping when
I need them most.
Joking.
Kidding.
Laughing
My sorrows away.
No, not away.
Only
Pushing them down.
Questioning their validity.
Revealing them to myself and those closest to me.
Sleeping is hard.
Terrified by my own ineptitude.
Understanding that I
Very
Well may have wasted my youth just
‘Xisting.
Yearning for better things.
Z’s won’t be trailing over my head for some time.
Sep 2019 · 278
Epitaphs for Old Friends
Welcome to the graveyard
for those not forgotten,
and for friends who turned foes
to have some place to rot in.

Her name was Sophia.
She was my friend,
‘til her boyfriend’s douchebaggery
caused our friendship to end.

Here lies Michaela
who couldn’t care less
about facing the problems
we all would address.

Cody was trouble,
no surprise to all.
But he’d make you feel special,
then leave when you fall.

Beloved Jennifer
who moved far away.
“We’ll still keep in touch”—
the last I heard her say.

Kyle was funny
then he turned to a ghost
who now speaks to no one.
I miss him the most.
May 2019 · 172
Meet the Children
Amy asked for
Brian's basket,
Casey almost blew a gasket.
Daniel went to summer school,
Ethan thinks he's super cool.
Fiona fell right on the floor,
Gabby laughed and laughed some more.
Hugo got the heebie-jeebies,
Isaac loves to score some freebies.
Jess is top in all her classes,
Kylie needs her reading glasses.
Lyra loves to sing a song,
Maggie never thinks she's wrong.
Noah broke his little nose,
Oliver drinks right out the hose.
Penny poses for a photo,
Quincy's dragon's a Komodo.
Ryan thinks his dog has rabies,
Stuart's cat just had some babies.
Tommy likes to play baseball,
Ursula likes the season fall.
Violet plays the violin,
Wyatt's strength comes from within.
Xavier needs all
Your attention,
Zane just got his tenth detention.
May 2019 · 227
It's Not a Phase, Mom
There once was a girl from Augusta,
Whose adolescent days will disgust ya.
She claimed she was emo,
But loved Finding Nemo.
Those days were a whole lot of blustah.
Jan 2019 · 263
Tickets
My heart is thumping
like the stomping feet
of elephants.
Can you not
be so cute?
You’re making me act
like a clown.
If I could,
I would do
backflips like an
acrobat.
We all know
I’m no contortionist.
I’d try, though,
if it would impress you,
make you sit back
and eat popcorn.
But I can’t provide
that kind of entertainment
for you.
Not yet, anyway.
Keep buying tickets.
This is the revamped version of a poem I wrote when I was in college. We were assigned to write something with circus imagery and I popped this one out. It was probably the first time I ever took myself a little bit serious while writing poetry.
All I can do and all I can say
is I’m sorry for making you feel this way.
Angry, annoyed, “Will she ever get the hint?
There’s no chance I’ll love her, not even a glint.”

Best I can tell you is I know I’m the beast
who embarrassed herself until she finally ceased.
Battling emotions said there might be a chance,
while the other side knew this was only a trance.

Conversations commenced, started by just one side
and I bet you couldn’t wait until all of them died.
Calling myself out is all I can do
because now I’m too ashamed to apologize to you.

Don’t even worry, I know I did wrong.
Somehow I managed to string myself along.
Denial was in me, thanks to all of your smiles.
Now my dignity’s laying in tatters and piles.

Every time I think about how I once was,
I start to feel an uncomfortable buzz.
Endlessly tormented by my very own actions,
I’ve no one else to blame for my dissatisfactions.

“**** me,” I say. “**** my dumb, stupid brain.”
I am the source of my sorrow and pain.
For all that I’ve said and for all that I’ve done,
I wish there was one time I actually won.

Going, going, gone. I got out of some’s life.
Now I’m not here to cause you more strife.
Grateful, I am, that some still call me friend,
that you still care enough not to let it all end.

Happy, you are, that my flirting disappeared,
thankful this uncomfortable fog has now cleared.
Hoping if you read this you won’t be upset,
but for me it’s so hard to just stop and forget.

I want you to know that I bear no ill will,
for it’s me that I’m angry with. Always. Still.
I look at the night sky and see that it’s starry
and I just want to tell you that I am so sorry.
Because I'm the poster child for unrequited love.
As I was walking alone in the park, a
Body was peering from out of the dark.
Cold chills ran through me, for what? Didn’t know, that
Death was just looming for me in the snow.

Ellen disappeared before anyone knew it. Her
Father was angry the witnesses blew it.
Grace had gone missing just one week ago.
Her bones will be found when the warm winds blow.

I bundled my scarf around my neck to prepare,
Jogging to fight off the cold winter air. The
Killer sped up to keep me in his sight, as he had
Laid in wait, hoping I wouldn’t fight.

Moving as quickly as my legs could stand it,
Not yet dreaming those steps came from worse than a bandit.
Onward I went, the snow crunching behind me. His
Pace almost matched and I feared he’d soon find me.

Quickly I ran, my house not far away.
Realizing that I may not live one more day.
Stopping for nothing, I hurtled through the park,
Telling myself I won’t die in the dark.

Unfortunately this man ran much faster than I. This
Vagrant, he grabbed me, yelling his battle cry.
Wailing and flailing, I fought hard as I could. His
X-rays might show that I hurt his manhood. I
Yielded to nothing, for survival I strived. And I thanked mighty
Zeus that I wound up alive.
Jan 2019 · 433
The Obvious Cure
"Get a good night of sleep," they say as
if it's just that easy. It's like
telling someone depressed they
should just "think happy thoughts."
Ah, yes. Why didn't
I think of that?
Thank you so
very
much.
Jan 2019 · 645
r/2meirl4meirl
The light from my cell phone shines brightly
in my bedroom at night. My eyes
thank the content creators
who format their memes on
Reddit with dark shades
so depression
won't hurt me
outside
too.
This is dedicated to my favorite relatable meme subreddit.
Jan 2019 · 805
Accidentally Nocturnal
Falling asleep has always been hard.
Melatonin wears off before
it can even start working.
Weighted blankets are great,
but twenty extra
pounds on me is
not the cure-
all I
need.
This is the first part of a series of nonets I'm writing about insomnia.
Jan 2019 · 585
Good, How Are You?
Anxiety
Blaring.
Coinciding
Depression.
Endlessly
Feeling
Gross.
How
I’ve
Just
Kept
Living’s a
Mystery.
Not
One
Person
Questioned
Reasons,
Sensed
Trouble,
Understood
Vulnerability and
Worrying,
‘Xtrapolated
Yesterday’s lack of
Zeal.

— The End —