Some moments are not to be captured
not in a photo
not in a story
not anywhere
Some moments should only live in a memory

It comes to you in your darkest days,
disguised in a familiar face,
It whispers words you've waited for,
uttered with eloquence & grace.

It touches your skin, holds your face,
Then consumes your self worth without care.
It hides behind a mask, planning & scheming,
leaving you unaware.

It hugs you as you dry your eyes,
it fills your head & heart with lies.
It utters hollow apologies with no intention of change,
It shouts vulgarities in a crowded coney island,
Filling you with embarrassment & shame.

It fakes compassion as you wait to hear,
whether you may indeed have cancer,
You question why it chose you?
but you never get an answer.

It prays at every meal,
mocking God without fear,
It attacks your reputation, your humanity,
and all that you hold dear.

It hides behinds friends, half truths,
and a sea of endless lies,
It marinates in every excess,
so it never has to open its' eyes.

You cannot give it love, expect empathy, or regret,
It is never satisfied because its true needs are not being met.

I'll never understand the cruelty,
the why or even how,
But some things have no answer,
and it no longer matters now.

Despite what has been DONE TO ME,
This I will always implore,
Evil may destroy this world,
But FAITH, HOPE, & LOVE
WILL win the war.

we try to play numb
to our thoughts and feelings
like there's a chance
they will leave us alone
as if they will disappear
if we try to avoid them
but they never will
they have no days off on their schedule
they make us who we are
they're parts of ourselves no one can see
at night
during the day
every second
every minute
every hour
we can't avoid ourselves, our minds
we can't escape the mirrors, the reflections
we can't be numb, and refuse to ever feel

When the life inside of me begins to wither
like the leaves on winter trees,
And my breath begins to slow,
I'll use the very lasts gasps to say
how I get high to the smell of rain,
And that sunflowers
make me smile so naturally.
I'll say how I like the time spent alone,
And the nights I can't seem to find sleep.
I'll talk of the chills that overcome my body
when crashing waves reach my feet,
And of the beautiful ryhmes
always running through my head.
I'll reveal how I'm secretly drawn to the cold,
And how summer is my favorite season.
I'll tell them how the woods call my name
as I walk by,
I need their mystery.
And with my final bit of life,
I'll say how above all,
I'm happiest when I'm dancing.

I'm scared that no one takes me seriously
That everything I say is labeled "dumb"
That they laugh when my back is turned
That I'm secretly "the joke".

I wonder if the people who get talked about
Know and don't give a sh*t,
Or are completely oblivious to it.

If it were me,
If I were the **** of those jokes,
I would crack
And crumble into shards.
And I surely would not make it out alive.

                            -m.m.

My friends all think I'm crazy because I stand in the middle of the street and talk to a God that doesn't exist while high-fiving the windshields of passing school buses. I stopped taking my medication again because guilt taste a lot better than artificial happiness, and I stopped wearing that cross you bought me for my eight birthday because it contradicted the sense of uselessness I received for my twelfth. Life seems a lot less precious when you're talking to your parents in the TV room of a psychiatric unit and look them in the eyes while they tell me not to cry and say that 'pain is only temporary'. All I do is write letters to a man on the moon about the time I realized how hard and easy it is to die. Send me to therapy and make me take pills. I'll smile, but I'll always remember how to tie a noose