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Danny Wolf Nov 16
Her
You make me want to lay here forever
ignoring the sun
and all of the pieces of myself scattered across my room
tangled in clothes I wore to the bar
that still hold a hint of your smell
from when you hugged me
laid your hand across my cheek
told me you loved me
and I think of her.
I think of how she would feel.
So I try to feed the good wolf
and bite my tongue when you tell me I look beautiful
that you miss me.
I take it all in
blame it on myself
for showing up to where I know you’ll be
and I think of her
in the dark.
Am I no better?
I don’t know if I am.
Danny Wolf Sep 24
I want to send you an album.
But I can't.
I can't ignore the fact the we kissed
and let more go unspoken.
I hate that if I never said anything,
neither would you.
I have a paralyzing fear of your silence.
I think of that day that I watched your back as you walked down the E hallway
and we didn't speak for months.
I'm still sorry for that.
She sings of the telepathic desert
and I feel that.
My mouth is dry from the silence.
Ten years of words unspoken
(and feelings felt).
I can always feel you,
but will you hear me through the desert?
Part of me wants to be screaming,
feels like I need to.
When I listen to you sing a love song,
I try to decode if it's about me
because I just wanna know how you really feel.
None of them have been about me,
so I have to ask,
how do you really feel?
It's so hard for me to speak
because I'm afraid of you taking it the wrong way.
Have you kept the walls up because you think I'm waiting?
Because you think I'm seeking more?
Sometimes I think I'm crazy for even believing there is one there.
Is there a wall up?
Please, tell me I'm not crazy...
Everywhere else I feel so **** grounded,
but somehow you still shake the Earth inside of me.
Maybe there is a way to understand this cosmically,
the way your stars intertwine with mine.
What time did you take your first breath?
And did I feel it inside of me?
Sometimes I think of how sad I'd be if I ever lost you.
(Sad is a sick understatement).
Sometimes I think of how sad I'd be if I never got to put it all out there.
I don't want to grieve something I never said,
but I've been grieving these words unspoken to you for years.
I always want you to know how much I love you,
and that you are a special to me I can not explain.
I remember the first time I felt you,
sitting in history class sophomore year,
you said something so simple.
It was the first time you shook the Earth inside of me.
I found my sister in the hallway later that day and told her I found my soul mate.
I have learned a new definition of that over the years as I have picked up pieces of myself in the souls of many.
Something of our souls is made of the same dust.
We are like the fireflies,
ruled by super natural forces,
in perpetual cosmic sync.
Our lights will always understand how to shine together,
how to find each other in the dark.
You and I predate this lifetime,
and I guess some stories never finish getting written.
But I long to know your side of it,
the pages you've burned
and the one's you've tucked me away in.
I long to know in hopes that we can find ourselves on the same page.
Danny Wolf Feb 4
You made a comment,
You let your drunken tongue slip,
And out came words
like a drunken man’s fist.
To my gut they went first,
To the place in my body
That holds all the pain.
To a place I conditioned
my “mindless”, “privileged” mind
to hate.
I digest them easily,
Familiar still the taste
of words about excess,
the body and the mind
do not forget.
I’m used to too much.
These words are internalized,
they become a part of my system-
I feel the universe shifting within.
These words are a black hole,
an off switch,
a portal to my darkness-
a place from which I am afraid
to speak,
a place where
my mind is not crystalline,
but jagged and shattered.
I speak with intentions
to cut you open,
forgetting the words
will rip my throat on the way up.
And I can feel tears
down the back of my throat,
Salting the wounds
we’ve just invoked.
I don’t want to taste this,
I promised to myself
Too many times
I wouldn’t swallow anything
that wasn’t intended to help me heal.

written sometime around 11/18/2016
Danny Wolf Nov 2020
...
Sometimes the days are so tender
And you feel so far away from everything you know you are
(Strong, resilient, beautiful)
And you just want to crawl out of your own skin
And return to the Earth and star dust you are made of
There is a vastness you are trying to find
Like the ocean
And the mountains
An ancientness and forever you can taste
But are struggling to be
The crashing waves are just the same as the tears that roll down your cheeks
You’re not sure why or how
But you know that it is just the way it’s always been
I believe pain only come from two places -
Love, and lack of it.
How far have her ashes traveled since the day my father poured them into the ocean?
I watched as the waves crashed over his boots
And he didn’t even think to move
It was the most beautiful and utterly heartbreaking thing I have ever seen
I come here stand face to face with the deepest pain
I have ever known
And to be reminded that angels exist everywhere
In every form
When we let them in
Danny Wolf Nov 2020
To be light
Has always been so foreign to me.
I think I only know depth.
Even when I’m high,
**** is it heavy.
My lines between pleasure and pain are thin.
You know when the love is so **** good it hurts?
Like it’s breaking you open
Shattering you
Into something new.
I am comfortable under the dark moon
And understand the things that are meant to be colored
yet come in black
Like shadows
They are a friend of mine
I like their shape and ambiguity
How they show that light shines darkness, too
Sometimes I stay awake at night
Just to be with it
It’s stillness and silence entice me
I don’t think I came from the sky,
Maybe
I am from deep
within the Earth
Cradled in the warm darkness of her womb & waters
Maybe
I am from the ash of the Fire
in her core.
Danny Wolf Aug 2020
There’s a hunger in my stomach
and it tastes like you.
Like memories,
just can’t satiate the same.
Although it’s never quite filled me
in just the ways I’ve wanted it too.
I want to know you,
again and again and again.
I long to feel closeness,
to fill the gaps between us
and **** up all the air you breath out.
I’ll never let you slip away
through the sieves in my mind.
But, if I know you at all,
you’ll find a way back in.
We’ll walk together in dreams
(and the hunger will follow me).
I want to swallow you whole
so you can feel how you somehow
still shake the Earth inside of me.
You are a home that I am sometimes
speechless inside of,
and almost all the walls are down.
We stand on opposite sides,
almost always.
And I long for one of us to walk around.
Danny Wolf Jul 2020
Like the wind between my fingers
I know so well but can never hold
I can catch in my hair
Or in a memory
Like the days it blew strong on the New Mexico mountains
Rustling through the sweet high desert sage
A feeling familiar
I know you, Wind
Although to you, am I just another of the many faces you have blown upon?
I know you will always carry me
From the banks of the Ganges where I breathed deeper than I ever have before
To the space within my circle of tobacco prayers
I looked at the moon and it danced in the night sky
You blow beyond the realms of Earth
Into the queendom of Spirits and Angels
And she is behind you,
a light beyond the moon
My Grandmother’s Sky
Shines down upon me
I can still hear the voice
So clear.
I entangle myself with it before I sleep
And in the morning I wake still in dreams
Of catching you
In my hand
And it being real
That I can hold you
Feel you as more than just the reprieve of a soft breeze in summers heat
That I can **** you into me
And you will catch onto all of the tiny pieces
Where you exist inside of me
You are the one who has traced yourself along all of the waters
Who fears the edge of no mountain
But rather seeks the journey beyond human’s perception
Maybe you are God
Is there none but you so Ancient?
So incomprehensible
With elegance far unknown to flesh and blood
Or have you carried us with you since the beginning of time?
All there’s ever been is existence.
Death is like you.
Ungraspable and barren.
Omnipresent and miraculous.
I will turn myself into the wind.
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