A soaked sunken pillow
A floating empty head
And the usual sleepless night
Another unproductive day behind.
An overreacting heart
An uncontrollable mind
And a pair of guilty eyes.
All i own at this moment.

All those times i didn't raise my hand
And the times the words never came out.
All those times i was tested in life
And how the mind went blank every time.
All the nerves around my eyes
And all the tears it let go.
All parts of me burning
All for that unreachable peace.

A lot of regret filled scenarios
Along with a head full of fictional people
And a whole lot of futile thoughts.
All taking me a step away from
A silent and content mind frame.
Although, in spite of all this
All i yearn for is
A dream i wont regret in the morning.

You should know,
i could see right through your
web of lies.

YOU weaponized my desire for warmth.
Turning me into a slave.
Drowning my will to live.

YOU play puppeteer, while I play a puppet.
Turning my world ashen.
Changing my anger into compassion.

What a menace YOU are
for finding pleasure
in my despair.

No shame for my ardent love. Still,
No second will be spend
to reminisce about YOU.

Waves welcomes the moon.
Hues of the dusk moves down the horizon.
I sat there, feet deep in sand
watching people escape with the tide
only to be pulled back into their prosaic life.

As i feel the sand around my feet
i wish i could embed my roots and
grow here once again as a plant,
leaving everything behind.

As the urge to swim toward
the other side gets stronger
i pull my feet up from the ground
and walk away as the street lights bloom.

A wretched mind frame
lit with sapphire flame.
In it my past ignites,
destined to flee into emptiness.

All my mental souvenirs slowly evanesces,
as if my mind is a quicksand.

What's the point
of making new memories
if i cant even hold on
to the one's that i already have?

The red rose he gave,
still inside my favorite book.
Frozen in time, just like me.
The marathons he runs inside my mind,
leaving me battered and bruised.
Bruises that I'll carry for an eternity, undefined.

i used to wince at the thought of him with another soul
now i convince myself, this is how its suppose to be
so that i don't loose control.

If only the time would do its trick. Like
how it turns tragedies into distant memories,
how it alters warm springs into icy autumns,
and how often it made empires rise and fall.
It can easily make blemishes fade.
Still, my wound remains unhealed.

Can we lay still and idle,
can we lay as close as possible.
Can our hands be intertwined
and our minds synchronized.
Do nothing, say nothing.
I think it just might cure me.
The clock stopped ticking
and the wind stopped blowing.
As you tighten your grip
i let myself slip,
slip into sleep.
Where i dream about
you and me,
taciturn and tranquil.

Regret anchoring
me down from reaching out, to
that what lies ahead.

How many more days to pass?
Days that has been infected
by the guilt ridden
heart of mine.

How many more fortnights to pass?
How many more teardrops to fall
and wrong words to strike
until the day i thrive?

How many more disappointed sighs
and displeased faces
until the blurry future
reveals itself?

How much time did i loose
drooping away,
dreading the consequences
of my failed deeds?

Vague lies that i told myself
to ease my conscience
coming back to me
to torment my dreams.

I pity the girl that ones
avidly awaited
a blissful time ahead
without actually earning it.

Muffled screams of my past
echoing from deep down
yearning to break free
from my rotten core.

A life all to myself
and people that care
still the person i turned out to be
is not the person i wanted to be.

All the aimless days
pushed forward
all for that one moment
that will reveal what i want.

But what if that day never comes?

i wish i saw
what i see in you
in a stranger
i can chase with no regret.