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Jan 2022 · 697
Enough
Stephanie Hutson Jan 2022
Enough.
Never,
no always;
enough.
Enough.
I am,
enough.
I will be,
no,
I am,
Enough.
I try,
no, I do;
enough.

What is..?
No,
I know,
enough.
Tired,
No,
i can do
Enough.

Am I…?
No,
I am,
Enough.
I am,
I am,
Am I?
Enough.
Jul 2017 · 621
I lost a friend
Stephanie Hutson Jul 2017
I lost a friend to insecurity
I cared so much
But she didn't believe me
She hurt me because she didn't understand
She is worth loving
But she thought she meant nothing to me
No matter what I said
She thought my new friends turned me
But she'll never get it through her head
She was the one I trusted
The only one who I thought would keep me safe
But she hurt me more than anyone she said didn't deserve my heart ache
Jul 2017 · 248
Almost lost
Stephanie Hutson Jul 2017
I almost lost my best friend
She thought she was alone
She thought there was nothing left
But I was there
I missed her
Before she was gone
Suicide doesn't just end your life
Jul 2017 · 271
Maybe
Stephanie Hutson Jul 2017
If I opened my veins would the sin pour out
If I got to the heart would the guilt flow away
If I had a bullet in my brain would the thoughts quit rushing
If I ripped out my tongue would the words stop
Maybe if I simply locked myself away covered in cloth and withered away I would never betray or hurt anyone ever again
Maybe the music will take away the feelings
Maybe a high would take the pain
Please just give me an escape
****EXTREMELY TRIGGERING******* suicide is NOT the answer
Jul 2017 · 237
Thorns
Stephanie Hutson Jul 2017
You entice the parts of me I don't let people see
You help me explore the worlds of things I hate that I need
My heart hurts at the thought of you
And my mind says no
But I keep hoping
Keep holding on
But it's all wrong
You've twisted romance
and added thorns to roses
Jul 2017 · 200
Right?
Stephanie Hutson Jul 2017
It takes everything not to message you
So much self control
Am I crazy
I mean you can't be thinking the same thing
Right?
Jul 2017 · 188
It's 3 AM
Stephanie Hutson Jul 2017
It's almost 3 am
And for the third night
Im thinking of you

Why do I do this
It's not your fault I trap myself inside

Are you awake?
Are you wondering if I'm thinking about you?

Only a message away
Only a few months apart
Only a few days to begin with
And yet
It's almost 3 am
And for the third night in a row
Im thinking of you

I hate myself for this
I could have a life
But what else would I do
When there's no one else around

Im so codependent
Im so needy
Im so clingy
Im so disgusting
And the worst part is knowing it will never go away because i don't belong here my home is far away
Jul 2017 · 168
Dangerous
Stephanie Hutson Jul 2017
This is dangerous
Im falling to hard
Moving to fast
The smoke fills my head
Fogging my vision
And setting off alarms
But I don't know if you even smell sulfur
Where are you
Are you next to me
Or out at sea
I can't know
Are you convincing yourself to let go
Or falling just as hard for me
Am I on your mind or an afterthought
I can't see
I can't breathe
Will you carry me out of the burning building of my anxious mind
Or will the weight of me and my burdens
Cause you to run away
How do I tell you
That I need you without pushing you away

On second thought none of it matters
But why do you matter to me
Oh why do I always choose to lose
Why does my mind trap me inside
Im thinking too much and breathing too little
I just want to hear you say that at least for now you can stay
Just for tonight show me it's no fault of mine
Jul 2017 · 116
In my dreams
Stephanie Hutson Jul 2017
In my dreams
I sit near you
And we laugh about stupid things

In my dreams
You see me
And I can't breathe

In my dreams
I rest my head on your shoulder
And we watch movies

In my dreams
Im cute
And you tell me

In my dreams
*sigh*
Jul 2017 · 136
Waves
Stephanie Hutson Jul 2017
I want to capture the ocean in a passage
The sweet thunder rolling through
The light of a thousand sunrises
Glinting off the peace of each individual wave
So many have come to see here
So many have lost their way
But I come home to find there
I could never stay away
Jul 2017 · 165
I learned to love myself
Stephanie Hutson Jul 2017
I learned to love myself
When I was told is not to
I learned to hold myself
When there was no one by my side

When the only one who stayed
Was the one who never dies

He told me who I was
And helped me realize
That I am not invaluable
Just because my size

It's not a kind of love
That's impossible to recognize
It's not a kind of love
that tries to criticize

This love Is a new love
A kind love
A love that I can trust
This love was a gift
Only beaten by him above

God
I want to thank you
For holding on to me
For giving me a peace that's deeper than the sea
Thank you for the feeling
Of loving my thighs
Thank for giving me
A love I can't deny
Jun 2017 · 311
Let go
Stephanie Hutson Jun 2017
There's something beautiful in the wisdom of the dead
But people tend to wonder what they could have said
So Here's some wisdom from the wise
Don't obsess over the words of time
When time has passed let it go
don't forget what you already know
Jun 2017 · 206
The very thought of you
Stephanie Hutson Jun 2017
The idea of you
With her...
She was so beautiful
You couldn't resist
Lioness
Jet black dress
It makes me wonder
How was she
What if I won't do what she would do
If in a moment of weakness
She walked by...
Can I be all you need
Would I satisfy
It makes me realize
I could never do that
Because what if one day
The right guy couldn't stay because you were mine
I know it's in the past
But the thought of her
With you
Brings tears to my eyes
I torture myself
With images of her
And I don't even know what she looks like
I want to be your one and only
But I can't because she took you places I could never go to
Jun 2017 · 249
Oh what have I done
Stephanie Hutson Jun 2017
If I could right you a letter
Oh the things I would say
I could spend forever in your arms
What would you say
You're not ready
But I'm in no rush
You've captured my heart
And all I have are words
Look in my eyes
Innocent touch
Falling in love
Oh
what have I done
Jun 2017 · 296
I weep again
Stephanie Hutson Jun 2017
For all the injustice in the world
For all the cruelty surrounding me
For the lights burning out
For the stories untold
For the way my heart longs for a hand to hold
For every trial
For every change
For every empty stage
I weep

My heart is breaking
It had begun to heal
With the admittance of a chance to feel
All swept away
Like the sand in the wind
And My heart is left hollow and broken again
Jun 2017 · 149
Seasons
Stephanie Hutson Jun 2017
My heart aches at the thought of you
The thought of your words in the quiet Autumn air
Like a leaf drifting through me like a sweet symphony
drifting in and out of my memory
The thought of your smile, your laughter filling my heart with joy
Just the thought of your skin
Sends A tingle down my spine
The thought of your hands
Connecting with mine
Like snowflakes silently landing as our lips touch
Just the dream of you
The thought of your kiss
Like a flower
Rising out of a long abandoned garden
Pushing through the warning signs meant to  keep you out
I feel your pull on me like a rushing tide
I need your breath like I need mine
The sunbeams you call compliments
Showing me to love once more
But will it last or be left on these forgotten shores
Jun 2017 · 270
Dried Maple Leaves
Stephanie Hutson Jun 2017
We ended rough
Like the dreams of dried maple leaves
So let me tell you this
Thank you
Thank you for warming my heart on cold nights
Like hot chocolate in the rain
Even though the illusion of you
Took the whole of my brain
Thank you for the long nights
When I couldn't bring myself to stop reading your words
Or going over them again and again in my head
Thank you for letting me hold on
Little do you know the many times you saved me
Even though it killed me
Thank you for showing me that someone could care
Even if not for too long
Thank you for teaching me to see the stars
The moon and every constellation lit my way through the darkest nights
Thank you for the good memories
From frisbees to video games
You made me smile
You made me cry
But most of all
You were there
Now I have people to turn to when times get tough
The more distant moments when I remember you're not here
Jun 2017 · 142
What is it like?
Stephanie Hutson Jun 2017
I'm sick of letting go
So why oh
Why does my heart keep trying to fall
I know what it feels like
The high is like you've never known
But the adrenaline in the fall
Never lasts long at all

So why oh why do we try
My heart keeps trying
And I'm just dying for you too see
That my appearance isn't me
No
My appearance isn't all there is to see
There's more to me
There's more to me

So what does it feel like
To never look at me and never see
My dreams
Sep 2016 · 11.9k
The Sunflowers
Stephanie Hutson Sep 2016
I need positivity like a sunflower needs the sun
So what do I do when I'm given none?
I'm fed poison and breathe out joy
Bringing life through photosynthesis
Using my outward appearance to make people smile
But I'm cut at the stem
To be given to some much more special than I
And slowly start to rot
I'm given as a gift
Once I wither away and my fresh scent is gone
They throw me away and keep moving on
No one thinks about the sunflowers

Until they're gone.
Mar 2016 · 241
Higher
Stephanie Hutson Mar 2016
I'm Higher than a kite,
The lighter brighter than my future,
The night sky is falling,
I'm dreaming of darker times,
But at least for a moment I forget,
I'm dying to feel alive.
(I swear I don't do drugs)
Mar 2016 · 246
Common Individuality
Stephanie Hutson Mar 2016
The only thing you own is the safety of your own soul.
Don't forget the first place you roamed.
A common beginning with a common end.
But what lies between ties of the common man?
Feb 2016 · 457
Heroin
Stephanie Hutson Feb 2016
You're on my brain like ******
I gave you chance didn't expect a thing
You got me higher than a kite
The lighter brighter than my future
I got addicted
I needed more of you
My head was scrambled
My only thoughts were of you
They saw what you did to me
So I went through rehab
But it hurt cause I knew you were the best high I'd had
I got desperate held on to you with everything I had
But I knew I didn't get you high
So I forced my self to stop abusing you to try and get the high I wanted so bad because I knew you weren't flying in the same wonderland
I got myself off of you picked up where I left off
I started doing better
My creativity faltered by my logic took hold
Then came a chance for one last hit
Just a goodbye i said
After all I'm over it
I had told you I was done
Just one last hit can't hurt me
I knew there was a chance I might get hooked
But it was to late I set my own trap
Just that one last hit
Got me hooked again
You seem bright again
Kind to me again
But is it because I've recovered for all you know
Or is it because you gave me back your soul
Do you care
Or do you wish I didn't
If I dare ask you this question
Would you drop it
Or finally listen?
You left me with so many scars
But your as bright and as clean as ever before
But that's how it works isn't it?
The ****** doesn't get high
Only its victim.
Late night thoughts summed up in poetry, I swear I don't do drugs. ❤️
Dec 2015 · 522
Leave me alone
Stephanie Hutson Dec 2015
Leave me alone,
If you love me let me go,
If it's meant to be,
You'll love the real me,
Not my memory,
You wouldn't know it,
But I won't show it,
You led me to the beach,
And left my heart in the sand.
Dec 2015 · 341
I must be joking
Stephanie Hutson Dec 2015
I'm fighting the insanity thats clawing inside of me,
it's true i'm too far gone,
It went from sadness to completely lost,
I screamed fro help and no one saw,
I tell them and they think im joking,
this must be a joke, this must be a lie,
I mean I can't be serious right?
Dec 2015 · 1.2k
To those who cut
Stephanie Hutson Dec 2015
To those who cut:
Take off your bracelets and put away the blade,
You dont need music to flush away the pain,
If you need a friend,
Know one is here,
I dont care about your sin,
I just want you to smile,
Please just let me in,
Even just for a while,
I know that you feel so alone,
Even if youre always on the phone,
I know what they say hurts,
It always sinks in,
But trust me its just them,
Everything they say to you is a chance they lost to be something better,
So im telling you to turn your sadness into another person's gladness,
Show the world the beauty they miss out on,
There is so much to be discovered,
You are not one in a million you're one in trillions,
No one has seen, felt, heard or thought what you have,
So take your perspective and turn it into something new because there is always something that the world needs you to do.
Stephanie Hutson Dec 2015
I stand alone in an empty field,
no one hears my cries,
all I know is who I am,
and that I may deny,
I have chains weighing me down,
glittering like ice,
the person I once was is gone,
and for that I pay a price.
*EDITED*
Dec 2015 · 380
Wanderlust
Stephanie Hutson Dec 2015
Fly me away,
beyond the horizon,
on road trips,
and untraveled shores,

I'm not afraid,
lead me far beyond,
where new birds land,
and oceans roar,

windy sands,
across the lands,
dry desert hot,
and forget me nots,

this love will never cease,
under foreign stars,
through Russia and into Greece,
leaving untold scars,

So many stories,
so little time,
so many lives,
so little lines to describe,
the dreams that emerge in my .
Mar 2015 · 248
This Life.
Stephanie Hutson Mar 2015
Life is strange and so am I,
I live though I will surely die,

Tonight I lay awake and wonder,
Why is it that i shall cry,

When thunder comes,
and lightning flies,

Times runs fast,
but i walk slow,

What is it that we really know?
Feb 2015 · 1.3k
Miss Independent
Stephanie Hutson Feb 2015
Miss Independent,
Why did you love her?
You made her happy,
and then you left her,
Miss Unsinkable,
aka Miss Titanic,
you were the iceberg that made her suffer,
She was beautiful in her eyes,
then you showed her,
she had flaws but you didn't care,
or did you?
because you aren't there,
Miss incredible, independent, unsinkable,
became Mrs.fanatic.
Feb 2015 · 292
Remember?
Stephanie Hutson Feb 2015
Every Valentines day I remember,
The things we did back in december,
You saw me shiver in the cold,
and wished for a lonely hand to hold,
did you really think i would forget,
or did you even remember?
Feb 2015 · 272
dreams not dreamed
Stephanie Hutson Feb 2015
As I lay me down to sleep,
I dream of dreams yet to dream,
And as I dream I weep to think,
Their dreams are stolen,
And stolen dreams are not to be shared,
If they had cared the dreams would have soared,
but the dreams are now unfound.
Jan 2015 · 1.3k
Can you hear me?
Stephanie Hutson Jan 2015
I am here,
I stand alone,
Can you hear me?

In my mind I've told you i love you a million times,
but all you hear is my silence,
Can you hear me?

I've cried for you,
but you don't know,
Can you hear me?

I told you I like you,
but its way more than you know,
Can you hear me?

You told my friend you felt the same,
but I haven't heard anything,
Can you hear me?

I love you,
I'll wait for you,
Can you hear me?
Jan 2015 · 600
I am Alice
Stephanie Hutson Jan 2015
I am Alice,
I live in my own wonderland,
and we're all mad here.
Inspired by Alice the madness returns
Jan 2015 · 200
falling
Stephanie Hutson Jan 2015
I feel myself
                   F
                     A
                        L
                          L
         ­                   I
                              N
            ­                    G
                                    Is this oblivion?
Dec 2014 · 248
Confusion
Stephanie Hutson Dec 2014
All these things you make me feel
I don't know if i'm even real
I told you exactly what you wanted to hear
But all i have is silence
You tell strangers what you should tell me
Maybe then you'd be free
You avoid answers and pick at old bones
When you could just pick up the phone
I asked for such a small thing
Would it really be so difficult to tell me how you feel
You tell me your darkest dreams and come to me for advise
But i don't think i really know you anymore
You've held my heart for so long
But was it really you all along?
Nov 2014 · 368
Love
Stephanie Hutson Nov 2014
Love is war while at peace,
Never won and never beat,
Love is when you feel the heat,
The heat of a quickening heartbeat,

Joy, pain, and sorrow,
You'll barely last 'till tomorrow,
Through the rain you will gain,
A heavy heart filled with pain,

With this pain you must choose,
Open heart,
Or
Frozen stiff,
Trust me this is no myth,

What you choose is what you'll be,
Will you choose ice and snow,
Or
Will you choose to really know,
Acceptence,
Or
Rejectence,
Its up to you.
Now its time for you to choose.
Nov 2014 · 452
I wish you could see
Stephanie Hutson Nov 2014
I wish you could see it too,
The magical world I go to,
You would love it,
As I do,
I'm sure that there's room for two,
Think about it,
Me and you,
Doing what we love to do,
In my world where the sky is always blue,
Where the wind is softly blowing,
With beautiful trees always growing,
Beautiful leaves glowing,
Glowing under the autumn moons,
There is a lake here,
Crystal clear,
This is a place without fear,
A palace made of beauty,
Shining in glorious full bloom,
Won't you please come visit soon?
Nov 2014 · 283
Keep your head in the stars
Stephanie Hutson Nov 2014
I think its stupid to say,
"Think outside the box."
The box may be small but the world's not much bigger.
Keep your head in the stars because its so much greater.
The stars have no end, no beginning,
no limit.
There are so many beautiful things that need to be thought!
Think of amazing things and show the world how much there is still to be discovered.
Do this and you will feel better, be better and live better.
Share a little love, a little joy, and a little laugh so that you and the people around you may happy in sadness and in trouble you will rejoice and grow as one.
Nov 2014 · 774
Friendly Nemesis
Stephanie Hutson Nov 2014
Sometimes our friends are our worst nemesis,
They share our secrets and tell us fabrications,
Oh sweet tragedy that we must forbear our animosity,
As the lone wolf cries to the moon,
There is no reply,
Our lassitude goes on forgotten,
Though their woebegone words are always spoken.
Nov 2014 · 364
Live to Dream
Stephanie Hutson Nov 2014
I am tired,
Tired of everything,
I feel as though I'm being beleaguered,
Every second I feel exhausted,
Yet I am wide awake,
And all this stress is getting to me,
I don't know who I'm supposed to be,
And it's causing me to be of great antiquity,
I no longer will to live,
I only live to dream.
Nov 2014 · 255
Should I?
Stephanie Hutson Nov 2014
Should I leave or should I stay?
Such eloquence in these words,
Of beautiful sorrow,
And utter bliss,
Suddenly I have this epiphany,
*I will never choose to leave.
Nov 2014 · 2.9k
Infinite Skies
Stephanie Hutson Nov 2014
Infinite skies,
Infinite lives,
Infinite lies lied,
Infinite tears cried,

How many times?
How many kinds?
How many different infinite tries?
Nov 2014 · 296
Better Than Me
Stephanie Hutson Nov 2014
There's always be someone better than me,
And I know it's selfish of me,
But I'm going insane,
Because you're in my brain,
All I feel is pain,
Because you are my pill and I'm addicted,
This is something I should have predicted,
But I need you and you need her,
And i'm sorry from keeping you away for so long,
Go and find your beautiful song.
Nov 2014 · 294
Bleeding Hearts
Stephanie Hutson Nov 2014
I am not what you see,
I am not what you think of me,
My thoughts are so demented,
My mind has not relented,
I cannot sleep,
I wake and weep,
I want to be as innocent as you think,
But it's only a dream,
I dream of bleeding hearts,
My thoughts are so demented,
And my mind has not relented.
Nov 2014 · 210
Be Afraid of Me
Stephanie Hutson Nov 2014
Be afraid of me,
I'm the monster you cannot see,
Deep inside is where I hide,
With demons always by my side,
Constantly advancing,
Once you get a taste you will never be free,
Be fearful wandering soul,
For I will continue to pull,
It will never cease.
Nov 2014 · 6.5k
A little Light
Stephanie Hutson Nov 2014
If I shined brighter then all the stars,
I'd stay right here where we are,
And if the sky was blue and bright,
I'd wish to stay with all my might,
I'm not perfect,
Not even close,
But if I were,
I'd stay right here,
For I'm no star,
Shining bright,
Just a girl with a little light.
Nov 2014 · 1.8k
Fly With Me
Stephanie Hutson Nov 2014
Fly with me,
Above the trees,
Like eagles we'll fly,
Over the Mountains,
Through the night,
In our own little world, we'll fly,

Take my hand,
And then you'll see,
Just how fun life can be,
Come lets go,
The sky awaits,
Through the clouds,
We fly,

Picture the sky,
Blue and bright,
And in the night,
Starry skies,
Moon so bright,

Picture the meadow,
Grass green,
Little sparrow,

Over the ocean,
Past the seas,
Through forests,
Tall, tall trees,

Then we're home,
No need to leave,
All warm and cozy,
Just  fly  with  *me.
Nov 2014 · 314
Words that hurt...
Stephanie Hutson Nov 2014
Words can break,
Words can heal,
Words can make you feel,
Words can be a dream,
Words can be a curse,
But as for me,
Your words are my hearse.

Don't they know,
She can hear,
The words whispered,
Ear to ear,
Heart to heart,
They are the words that tear her apart,

They remind her of her imperfections,
Every word they say,
Why do they always treat her this way?

She listens,
She hears,
To the words that break her heart,
They take hold,
And stay firm,
The words that tore her apart,

She listened,
She wept,
Down the hall she crept,
In the middle of the night,
Cuts on the left,
Blade in the right,
It all ended on that fateful night,

Now it's their turn to cry,
They never stopped to say "Why?",
They weep,
They cry,
Because of them she said goodbye,

Words can break,
Words can heal,
Words made her feel,
Words can be a dream,
Words can be a curse,
But your words were her hearse.

— The End —