The sorrow is eating me up
Choking me
'I need you...'
I whisper
To the emptiness
Of the place I've reserved
In my heart,
Eating at the warmth reserved
For the people that I even remotely value...

I'm beginning to see swirling clouds
Form in my mind
All the thoughts held back
Away from the glares of their eyes
Cocooning myself
Away from their words filled with lies

I cannot bring myself to stand up...
And I don't know why?
Is it the innocent hurt?
Or the lack of strength left in me to vie
For a warmth that is left unfound
As I shroud myself away from their deceitful reprise
And as the shroud I've covered myself with
Becomes colder, to my demise
I've lost my voice
Between all the screams and cries
That are left unheard
Unhelped
Undermined.

Like the sugar I lick off the tips of my fingers
Like the moment before falling asleep
Like the loss of thirst after drinking water
Like the instant of realisation when I comprehend the truth...

All momentary
All relieving
Like an extended release of rhythmic legato notes...

An overwhelming feeling
under-
whelming
Seeping into my veins
slowly
bleeding
Corrupting my brain
ringing
whispers
Muddling my sight
dim
lights
Corroding my soul
draining
time
Until I am overtaken
Glazed
eyes
By my loss of will
Where
Loss of might
Am I?
Sans all

I'm losing touch...
'Why?' and 'Why not?'
Slowly loses it's importance.
As I slide back
Into a position of static fluctus,
My fingers lace
The frozen collar on my neck
And I step out to the world once more.

Sans flux,
Sans motion,
Sans life.

The only barriers surrounding me are mine
And mine alone.

I feel the icy walls
Rising up around me
In my reach
And under my touch
I don't look up
I don't look out
I don't try to reach
Past the walls about.

And if I see
A sliver of the light
Tears blur my sight
And I collapse
As the walls come crashing down...

And if you catch
My soul by chance
I would crack
Into a million shards of ice;
My final barrier
And the end all...

I see a new key close by
Not shiny
Or fancy
Not even sleek
But sturdy-looking
Substantial
And rigid inside.

Knowing myself and,
That every key leads to
New doors
I begin to reach out to it.

But I know that
A murky barrier surrounds it,
Just like the barrier around my heart.
And knowing myself best,
The high ice palace that
I reside upon,
The expansive, endless
Landscape of frozen tidal waves,
And the amount of times it has
Crumpled down
Because of illusions and
Darkness...
I understand
That reaching out quickly will
Break me down.
And it'll probably affect the key too.
However, I can only feel
The ice tower and landscape
That surrounds me
So how can I handle taking care
Of a key all rusted inside,
If I'm just as unstable?

I don't trust myself.
And I don't want to destroy
The key in front of me
Or the barrier that surrounds it
Irresponsibly.

So I will be wary
While reaching towards
This key
Ready to say
Goodbye.