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Xyns Jul 2017
How long will this poem be?
That, I cannot tell you
What do you think of me?
I wish I could tell you
I banked on you wanting to be with me,
But that plan abruptly and drastically fell through
I finally give up dreaming that we could be
Then you come and act like you used to
My friends say I should just focus on me
And simply be completely through with you
Truthfully, with that, I do agree;
However, my one weakness is still you

There are many highs that I have come to know
I don't just mean the Mary Jane that we used to blow
Tried amphetamines, buried my nose in snow
None compared to the feeling of being near you, though
That's why you're so hard for me to let go

Your love reminds me of the ocean; it comes in waves
You make me feen; you know I'm an addict
I know that must seem quite generic for me to say
I'm a chill gal but you make my thoughts become erratic
You've proven to be a drug, a craving here to stay
It's a feeling much like being wildly ecstatic
But the lows send my heart into such disarray
I'll nearly hyperventilate as though I'm an asthmatic
It'd be a lie if I denied wanting you today
You can call me a fan because I'm a proven fanatic
You buried my other interests; put them in graves
That touch is electric; my flesh feels like static

Without my fix, I'd say I'm genuinely jaded
When I was beside you, most things were clear
Otherwise, for things to make sense, I had to be faded
Many were concerned; my habits became severe
Frustrated because nothing made me feel nearly as elated

Even now, it seems, your clutches, I can't escape
But that may be due to the fact that I don't want to
You make me confident in my shape
Such confidence I only ever get from you
You blew smoke so thick, though you didn't vape
Even if I knew you lied, I'd accept your words as true
I felt lovely when, around me, your arms you'd drape
When hearing  your voice, there's no way I could be blue
I'd never had a substance with such enchanting traits
Once, you sang to me and away my anxiety flew
If there was no THC or money, we weren't too good to scrape
Yes, I'm hooked on many things but the strongest is certainly you

I'd be dishonest if I said I wasn't afraid
I'm scared you don't think of me and you'll forget
From your memory, I fear I may begin to fade
I have value but what if you don't think I'm an asset?
While, for me, there isn't a memory of you that I'd trade

As we were estranged, I admit I might have felt lost
And I was quite confused as to whether I was to blame
You felt cold, like the legend, the dreaded, Jack Frost
It sat in my mind enough that I doubted I was sane
I think I gave myself to you, but at what cost?
I felt left behind once you tasted minor fame
It seemed ,my emotions, you wanted to purposely exhaust
Yet, I believed days without it would be far too lame
Still, to the side, I felt that I may have been tossed
Meanwhile, to your heart I, solely, wanted to lay claim
Obviously, you see losing me would be a legitimate loss
You came to me feeling that you needed to explain

Back and forth, it seems like circles we run around
Regardless, my addiction to you has yet to expire
You're the loveliest unwritten song, the most beautiful sound
Darling, you burn brighter than flames of Hell's fire
*Unfortunately, I know, in you, love for me may never be found..
I know this one is a bit lengthy but I just kinda felt it...
  Jul 2017 Xyns
Darius
I have this dream
Where it's just you and me
We'd stay in bed all day
Because most nights we barely sleep
No words
No people
Just peace
  Jul 2017 Xyns
Darius
I know you've been hurt in the past
I have been too
You carry your heart like it's made of glass
I don't blame you
I can't make any promises
I can't say there'll be any regrets
But I know I could love you so much if you'd let
Let me love you until you can learn to love again
Let me love you in waves
Waves that calmly wash over the shore you call pain
Let me love you so much you never give love a bad name
Let me love you until you can see what I see in everything you do
Because every time you look at me
I only see stars in you
Xyns Jul 2017
I tried to sit down
And write a poem about me

You know what I've found?
That that's just not me

I don't know myself
My inner thoughts are confused

I don't know myself
My identity got lost in the abuse

Truthfully, you make me jealous
You know yourself and you have talents

You understand how to have purpose
Thus, your days have meaning and balance

But I don't know myself
Though, I'm working toward that clarity

I don't know myself
So, I won't be writing a poem about me
Xyns Jul 2017
I would like to write a love poem
Just for you
I would like to write a love song
To sing to you

But right now I'm longing
For someone to be here
And it's odd because, until now,
It was you I wanted to be near
You didn't feel the same
And, that, you made quite clear
You pushed me away
Now, in me, you evoke fear

But I would like to write a love poem
Just for you
I would like to write a love song
To sing to you

You exposed me to your art
And I'll admit it was handsome
Obviously, you stole my heart
But it felt like you held it for ransom
Admittedly, it was my fault in part
That hook just might be our anthem
I think I let it go too far
Now, I may only be part of your fandom

But I want to write a love poem
Maybe not for you
And I want to write a love song
Though I won't sing to you

You see, I've found somebody new
And they're almost as musical
They don't make me sing the blues
And, yes, I'm almost as comfortable
See, I found somebody new
And they're just as whimsical
But he doesn't remind me of you
And, to me, that's basically magical

So, if I decide to write a love poem
It won't be for you
And if I decide to write a love song
I won't sing to you

But every time I write a love poem
I'll think of you
And if I ever write a love song
*It'll be for you
Xyns Jul 2017
I'm the ***** with the addictive personality
And erratic mentality
Constantly escaping reality
Causing my ****** up morality
I feel like an animal; you've committed *******.
Xyns Jul 2017
I want to explain the ****** up ****
That runs through my mind
No, I need to

Because I feel like I"m trapped in a monotonous circle of
"I need you"
I've got a shitload of scattered thoughts to **** through
My brain is a minefield
And lies are the only things I know to be true
Days get blurred by copious drug abuse
Amphetamines scream "*****, I know you!
And you need me! You know it's true!"

The night seems endless because the days burn cold
I'm digging six feet under to make my home that hole
My body may look young but my spirit has grown old
Hesitating to be bold
This **** has gotten old
My insides are rotten...yes, I'm filled with mold
And I'd give away my soul
But I'd be lying if I said it hasn't already been sold

They can't stop puffing ******
Even though the prices get steeper
I'd leave if he hadn't said that I am a keeper

But, babe, I'm a ******* liar
I wish I could ignore you but you're my heart's sole desire
So, sadly, I'm wired
Sobriety expired
Remember, babe, I'm a ******* liar

So, I'll make false promises like liars do
And please believe me when I say it's true
Because, ****, *I need you to
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