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Oct 7 · 89
Old batteries
G Vermeulen Oct 7
They always say a relationship isn’t always 50/50
Sometimes it’s 20/80 or 70/30
But together it will always make up for 100%
Does that ring a bell?

I don’t feel like that 100% is there anymore
Don’t even know if it has ever been there
It feels like I’m charging an old phone whose battery isn’t at full capacity any longer
As if it’s 110 vs. -10

And I’m sure you feel the same way
I’m sure you feel like I am not bringing enough to the table either
As if, together-
we are overloading the battery

Each of us thinking we are charging with the right cable
Charging it for the right amount
Or in the assumption of the battery knowing when it is full
But the battery doesn’t know
We both don’t know

It’s a constant guesswork of where we are on that scale of zero to a hundred
The odds are so small of us both picking the right amount.
And yes, it has happened before-
but that only means the odds of it happening again are getting smaller

I am terribly afraid.
I don’t want to switch batteries.
But maybe, for you-
It’d be better.
Oct 6 · 263
You don't even know me
G Vermeulen Oct 6
Years I’ve tried to tell you
Couldn’t help but keep it in
Purely building walls
Just so you couldn’t pierce my heart with a pin

There have always been good days
I love our connection when we drink
But when that is over
All of a sudden you can no longer think
A constant battle of words
Bruise my brain ’til it’s completely pink

When I appear enthusiastically
You shoot it down

When I get something done
You only look at what’s next

Last night I was enlightened
By the one who gives me all
That even though you try
You never let me stand proud and tall

And when we sit down for tea
It just feels like you don’t even know me
Aug 31 · 175
Why don't I stop
G Vermeulen Aug 31
The process of loving
It hurts to my bones
And I try to toughen
Though it all feels like traffic cones

Those cones I place down
Attempt sticking to one path
A road leading to a town
Where love doesn’t have as many rules as math

I don’t need love
Is what I heard from a friend
But it sounded so rough
Since I see love as a godsend

And I know it is a constant pain
Watering a dying crop
With my efforts in vain
So why don’t I stop

Stop nurturing that flame
Banish out that feeling
Switch to a different lane
Maybe start healing

But I cannot heal without love
I’d miss the ecstatics
Life would be so tough
Empty like an essay without its appendix
Aug 30 · 73
Honest work
G Vermeulen Aug 30
I hear you buzzing
Your tiny hairs so loving
You scour
Eyeing the tastiest wildflower

Not good enough
Going to the next
Finding that good stuff
Putting them all to the test

There it is
The brightest colour
And in a ****
You sit on its collar

Nectar drinking
Easy thinking
Doing your task
No need for a mask

Your buzz fades
Flying away
On a crusade
Into the sunrays
a mere attempt at encompassing the beauty of bees
Aug 29 · 209
Life's bookmark
G Vermeulen Aug 29
Here I am
Sitting at a simple desk
With a simple light
And a simple book next to me

The bookmark is sticking out on page 10
And in order to move it further
I will have to read
I will have to work
I will have to put my mind to it

Excuses

But life is the same
I feel like that bookmark
Someone has to move me
But doesn’t put their mind to it

I am next to that person
On their simple desk
Under their simple light
Located in a simple book

Why am I left there
Stranded between words
A complete standstill
Because of someone else’s excuses
Aug 29 · 334
Just a man in the shades
G Vermeulen Aug 29
Pearlescent backdrop
Drapes on top
Silhouette of darkness
Edges showing their sharpness

In the middle of it all
A man’s head not that tall
Seated on a couch
Pretending like a slouch

Constant ponder
Waiting for a wonder
Seeing himself
As a book that’s forever on a shelf

And while he awaits
A change in states
The backdrop fades
Just a man in the shades
Aug 29 · 322
On the line
G Vermeulen Aug 29
Boundaries set
He knows what to expect
So why did I not even try
To keep me for me

Constantly asking questions
Afraid of possible reactions
Feeling so powerful
Yet so wasteful

Promised myself: no tears
Emotions in a casket
Always masking it
Like I could keep that up for years

Realising
Modernising
My train of thought
Throughout the battles I’ve fought

Never been so aware
That one person
Could pave the way
For all things I care
Aug 29 · 660
Social apprehension
G Vermeulen Aug 29
Room full of people;
mind racing
connection chasing
silence embracing

Ton of chatter;
want to be secluded
never included
confrontation eluded

Party is over;
mind at ease
alone with the bees
feels like a disease
Aug 29 · 109
Candy wrapper
G Vermeulen Aug 29
Sometimes I feel like a candy wrapper
Found in a lot of places
Seen but not recognized
Never prioritised

All about the unwrapping
See how far they can get
Without shredding
But it's not about the padding

Then to be used
For their filth
To be added to my insides
And wrap back around all my sides

Once I've been toyed with
It's done for
Time to throw me away
Doesn't matter what I say

Simply, trash

— The End —