Thoughts of times past cloud my mind,
Rain drums against a window,
Drumming like a heartbeat,
Thousands of them, crashing,
Pulsing in pain,
Pulsing in bliss,
To each its own story,
Some tales of glory,
Others tales of sorrow,
Left for 'morrow,
Indeed, left to tomorrow.

- Jay M
January 7th, 2019

Darling, how did we go wrong?
Darling, was I too much?
I guess the problem is;
That I'm not her...
I'm not her...

Could she feel the way I feel for you,
Returned?
I guess the problem is;
I'm not her...
She's got pale skin, blonde hair, pretty rosy cheeks,
And I've got fair skin, brown hair,
Not what you wanted anymore...
I guess the problem is;
That I'm not her...
I'm not her...

- Jay M
December 20th, 2018

Through times of sorrow,
Much is discovered,
Heartstrings tighten,
Some snap,
Undone comes the heart,
Then, with it comes the mind,
Lastly, sometimes first off,
Comes the soul.

- Jay M
December 11th, 2018

Through days eternal,
Memories fly past,
Lost among empty thoughts,
Clouding my mind like rain.

Drip, drop, these poisons won't stop,
Forevermore intoxicating my freedom.
Making me weaker until I can move no more,
Even a breath, or simple movement,
All require drawn strengthen,
Reserved deep within.

- Jay M
December 10th, 2018

Some say life is short,
I say life is too long to me.

It goes on for an eternity,
Never leaving me to a moments peace;
Never resting, forever testing,
Arrest of the soul.

Forevermore cast away,
To the depths of despair,
Eternal pain,
Stuck in a downward spiral,
Nevermore to see the light,
Could I ever see the daylight?
No, I was stuck looking at the moon,
Trying to navigate by the stars,
Learn from my scars,
You live a little, you learn a little.

- Jay M
March ??, 2019

Could you hear it?
Could you see it?
Your bright, shining future,
Waiting there for you to grasp it,
Seize it from the almost barren shelf,
It's waiting there for you,
Keep fighting, don't stop now,
Fight for that dream; that peace,
The rainbow after the storm,
Just wait, please wait,
Make that future come true;
Don't stop dreaming.

- Jay M
March ??, 2019

Memories flash before my eyes,
Days of long ago I wish not to remember,
Why do they plague me so?
I know not why,
For I dare not wonder,
It may just take control,
Never letting you go,
Release unseen,
Lost forever in the abyss,
Never to resurface.

- Jay M
March of 2019

When we ran,
I let my curiosity run with me.
Then I grew to wonder,
Why you ran with me,
After that little goal,
Which, in a way, drew you out,
Bringing me to suspect…
Is what they say true?

As I sat there,
Writing in my journal,
I wanted to pour out,
Alas, I did not,
Not yet, in the least.

Why am I feeling this again?
I have only scratched the surface,
Yet it feels like I know it all,
Like I have known you,
And you are just so familiar,
Alas, I cannot place my finger upon it,
So how can this be?

One day, you may see this and wonder,
But wonder no more,
For I will one day tell you,
So that your confusion may be put to rest,
Whist I hope this is all for the best,
Dear friend of mine.

- Jay M
September 6th, 2018

You may break me,
You may lie to my face,
But never, never harm my friends.
Whether it be in the physical,
Or mental form,
None shall come to them,
You shan’t lay a mere finger upon them.

If you dare, consequence shall find you,
Hunt you down as though you were prey,
Maybe you should pray,
If you wish not to perish at my hand.

I’ll always chase you for your lies,
There’s really no escaping until I die,
You must brace for battle in the night,
It’s merely a game of waiting,
The return of the ******,
The torturer shall become the deceased,
Join them now; such is your fate,
If you dare bring harm upon my friends.

- Jay M
December 13th, 2018

The times past won’t come back,
But it doesn’t mean they can’t be replayed,
Redone in the present,
Over and over,
Right before our very eyes,
Terrors arisen once more,
Surfacing long drowned out fears,
Emotions once thought forgotten,
Stronger than ever,
Forevermore lingering in our minds,
For ‘tis far too late,
The damage is done,
Price long overdue,
Now paid in pain.

Inside of our heads,
I’ll take it on,
Face it head on,
Shelter you from your demons,
Tearing me apart,
The way they wished to do you,
Tainting my soul,
Not yours,
Safely tucked away,
Barely tapped by the talons of theirs,
Of your demons,
Battling with not one,
But two warriors.

This pain is right beneath my skin,
Forced down, brought back up in times of shadow,
Fake it, the smiles and happiness,
All for my safety,
Keeping me within the confines of a normal life,
Unforeseen by all but me,
Alas, there are even some sorrows I am blind to.
Bring me to life,
For I am falling inside,
Left without love,
Kept in the dark,
Now to open my eyes to everything,
Living a lie,
Hardly anything left inside,
Driven by false pride,
Fabricated alliances,
Betrayal is in the air,
Only the true remain,
Vision clouded with fear,
Could they ever hear my screams,
Telling of my bewailment,
Residing deep within my soul,
All that is left, for that matter.

- Jay M
October 23rd, 2018

Fluttering wings,
Bubbling within,
Rising rains,
Pattering, drumming,
On the trees above,
On your head,
Feet at a steady pace,
Just at the time of the rain,
Drumming with purpose,
But, oh wanderer,
What purpose does your pace have?

Bubbling, fizzing,
All unseen,
The hunger,
The drive,
To hunt,
But you hold it in,
Tame it,
Bend it to your will,
Heal the damage,
Break the vengeance,
The internal fire.

Fluttering wings,
Flying fast,
Coming at you,
Unseen, unheard,
Unexpected, yet expected,
You can’t help but give in,
To the pain,
To the misery,
The void inside.

Your steps have purpose,
Paces planned,
But motions uncertain,
Destination controlled,
Route un-mapped,
But I am here to guide you;
Help you regain control.
Through all of the days of wonder,
Thoughts asunder, scattered about,
Written, flung, separate from one another,
Senseless, but not meaningless,
Each one burdened with purpose,
Waiting to be decrypted,
Brought into a new light,
Kept away from the consuming flame,
The drive of your feet,
May they ever be well again,
To the place you once knew,
The peace to your war,
The home of the soul,
The lair of the internal fire.

- Jay M
October 9th, 2018

Through all of these days,
Seemingly eternities,
I cannot help but cut the strings,
Binding my voice,
Unseen, yet always there,
Now gone, only for a little while,
Before they come again,
Silencing me once more.

Thoughts tend to cloud my mind,
Making me unable to see clearly,
Driving away all I love so dearly,
Nevermore to see me the same,
I suppose I am to blame,
Then again; wasn’t I always?
Never letting anything go,
Maybe I should let you know,
That maybe one of these days,
I should let go,
Jump from the edge,
Let everything fall away,
As I one day shall.

Shall I dare do such a deed?
I know not now,
Not in this day,
Nor this moment,
Alas, one day I shall choose,
Am I to win,
Or am I to lose it all?

Why, why must I be tormented so?
Cast out to the outside,
Never to be the way I once was,
The person I once was,
Now only an empty shell,
Barely a fragment of a soul left,
Flickering, dimming,
Shall I ever see the dawn again?

What comes next,
We always wonder,
When our lives are torn asunder,
Shattered to pieces,
Just like the glasses we all are,
Simple, yet utterly complex,
None shall understand,
None but those like us,
The ones that no one remembers,
The ones that tried so hard,
But nobody cared,
Or noticed at all.

They only care once it’s too late,
Once the trigger has been pulled,
Once we slipped away into the night,
Once the pain was finally seen,
Blind, but now vision clear,
To the dark reality before them,
The grim scene they helped to created,
All brought out in a flash,
In a crack, or in a trembling motion,
Maybe in the rivers of crimson,
Pooling just under their feet,
Or the corpse dragged out from the bottom of a lake,
Now poison to the mind,
Tainting that ignorant soul,
Displaying true pain,
The unacceptable truth.

- Jay M
October 15th, 2018

The day that they first arrived,
They came alive,
Began to drive,
Took the key out of me,
Put it in a new lock,
A new life,
Half a life,
No one is there from above,
No doves to come save me,
I’ve lost control.

It’s taking over,
I lose control,
Lose my mind,
Will I ever find,
The key again?
Lost forever in their clutches,
Far from my reach,
Come and save me from this nightmare…

This world is far too cold,
I fear it’s seeping into my core,
Turning my heart to stone,
Barely a fragment left untaken,
Tiredness envelopes me like water around the drowning,
Dragging me down to the icy depths,
Nevermore to see the sunlight,
Nevermore to feel the sweet warmth on my skin,
Nor the sweet smell of rain,
Nor the taste of soothing hot cocoa,
Calming my running anxieties,
Alas, all shall be a distant memory,
As I shall one day be.

Whilst I slip away into the dark,
The demons prowl about,
Don’t get to close,
Lest they pull you in,
Drag you down to me,
Where we will fade away.
Within the days to come,
We shall be nothing more than shells,
Ridden with demons whilst our souls fade,
Never to be laid eyes upon again,
Besides the demons as they laugh,
Dancing in their victory,
Whilst we weep in our defeat,
If we have tears enough to shed,
Emotion enough to move at all.

- Jay M
October 11th, 2018

Through all I’ve done,
All I’ve seen,
Will it ever be enough?
No matter how hard I work,
Keeping those whom I love safe,
Sheltered from the darkness,
The darkness from within seeps through,
Reaching for them,
But I cast it back,
Take the key and hide it away,
Though they always seem to find it,
Go through the maze I made for them,
Faster and faster,
Never leaving me to a moment of peace.

No matter what I do,
They always find a way to drag me back down,
No matter how high I try to fly,
They catch me and break my wings,
Every time I claw my way back up,
Wings still broken,
I form new ones,
Fake ones,
So that I may fly again,
Even just for a moment,
All to be good enough,
For them,
Both the demons and the mortals,
And myself.

Alas, no matter how much I scream,
No matter how much I cry,
Crying unseen tears,
None seem to notice,
Nor do they care,
I am a burden,
A mere weight,
Dragging everyone down,
Down with me into the void,
Showing them my broken soul.
Not once did they wonder at the start,
Not once did they question it,
For t’wasn’t a matter of theirs,
I was merely a child,
Am merely a child,
A small, weak creature,
Slowly losing the mental battle,
Alas, it matters not for them,
Only that I smile and look okay,
No matter how much I’m dying on the inside,
So long as I don’t drag them down too.

All I want is to keep them safe,
To shield them from the demons and monsters,
No matter how much I bleed,
I’ll be okay,
So long as they are okay,
If they are happy,
I suppose I can try, too,
For their sake, I’ll battle the darkness,
Alas, for my own sake,
All hope was lost long ago,
So I suppose this is enough,
Living for them,
Hopeless, but not lifeless,
Not yet, for the battle still rages,
Within the confines of my mind.

- Jay M
October 8th, 2018

When we first spoke,
I felt something click,
As though I had known thee in another time,
Alas, I could not recall it,
For my memory is a maze,
Of which I have no map,
And am lost in myself,
There is far more I wish to say,
Alas, my words are still too little.

How I wish I could explain it all to thee,
But it is all built up to a great complexity,
One I may understand, but not for a time,
‘Tis a thing left for ‘morrow,
Indeed, a thing left for tomorrow.

In the days that come,
It is of my highest hopes that we may become friends,
Although that is not up to just me,
But also to thee,
Of which I have only known for a day,
Later there may be things I should keep at bay,
‘Tis a matter for later,
Not in this time,
Of which is so precious.

In time, would I be a valued friend?
No, I dare not think of the future,
For I wish it to be a mystery still,
Not something I can plan at will,
Within the time I may spare,
I will be left in wonder,
Of what to say to thee,
Oh, what ever to say to you?

- Jay M
September 4th, 2018

Running circles around my head,
Remembering books and poems I read,
Why do they appeal to me so?
Why do I understand them,
Just as though they, too, were my own?

Running circles around my head.
Whispering thoughts,
Drip, drop, the poison won't stop,
It's killing me, taking over,
White light fades,
Turn away,
Feathers slowly turn grey, then black,
A cursed child indeed.

Times once peaceful,
Now torn asunder,
Come from the darkness,
They say,
Alas, such is too great a challenge,
Something so vast should not be left all to one such as myself,
One so measly as myself.

Living like a ghost,
I fear that spiders have crawled inside and made themselves a home,
Within this heart where light once roamed,
Now ‘tis where the lonely ones roam,
These wits are no home,
They are but a lonesome graveyard,
Filled with the skeletons of memories,
Old lives, perhaps,
All to be buried in the past,
Nevermore to arise.

If they truly cared,
Then prove it.
Give me a reason,
One good reason I should keep running,
Running this doomed race,
Of which is bound to cut to the end soon enough.

No matter how much I run,
No matter how much I change,
It’s still me underneath,
I still show through,
Never to escape it,
For someday, the day it has waited for for so long,
Shall come to pass,
The fate once foretold long ago,
Finally stops unfolded.

But what shall come after the storm is over?
That is up to the ones left standing,
To those who remember me fondly,
If such is possible,
Dear friends of mine,
Tell me, do you really care?

Through times of sorrow,
I can weep no longer.
Through dense woods,
I can run no longer.
Though my spirit lingers;
Whispering to those who understand,
To those who know what it’s like.


- Jay M
December 19th, 2018

Softly, but surely, comes the soft cry,
Rain begins, birthing rivers,
Trembling, filled with bewailment,
The crow lands quietly,
“Come hither…”
It would whisper,
“Give thy soul to me…”
Alas, in the last moment,
The crow is startled,
Flying far to a distant time,
Awaiting thy fateful day,
When thou approaches the day of thy doom.

What, you wonder,
Could have frightened the creature?
Then, on soft footfalls,
Comes a figure,
Glowing in their mystery,
Casting your demise back,
Again and again,
“Remain”, it whispers,
“In this realm divine.”

“How can this be,”
You plea,
“When ‘tis chamber after chamber of torture?”
The response soothes,
“All shall reveal itself in due time.”

With time,
Comes cheer and sorrow,
All left for ‘morrow,
Lost in the confusion,
This land of confusion.

- Jay M
January 22nd, 2019

Night, oh night,
What a beauty you are,
Bringing slumber to many,
While to others you bring awakening,
Your endless sky stretched out above,
Casting beams of its wondrous light,
Her wondrous light.

When night falls,
I am awake for a time,
Not wanting to give in to rest,
But to prowl about,
Running wildly and freely into the night,
Where no one will pay me any mind,
Nor care what I do or say,
A time all to myself,
Alongside those who I care to share it with,
Though in most,
I am alone.

They slumber around me,
But I cannot,
For I am simply too awake,
Too alive for sleep,
Therefore I cannot give in,
Not until I can no longer,
Having reached my limit.

Grassy fields lay before me,
Their soft grasses swaying gently,
Whilst the night goes on,
The owls hoot overhead,
Smells of grass, earth, and feathers fill the air,
Freedom, indeed it is.

A night to last for all eternity,
Alas, all in a few hours,
Until the next dawn,
All to disappear,
Fading into the day,
That shall bring up new opportunities,
For all to enjoy,
Just as the night.

- Jay M
January 29th, 2019

As the days go by,
Hour by hour,
Dread fills my mind,
Scenes of horrors,
Fear haunts me,
My demons taunt me,
Whispering to me of times that could never happen,
Alas, there is always a chance,
Therefore, I am a ticking time bomb,
Awaiting, if ever, to go off.

If I were alone,
Going off on my own,
Death would come find me,
Lurking just around the corner.

- Jay M
October 26th, 2018

You’ve had enough,
But just don’t give up
You are worth fighting for,
Keep marching on,
Hold your chin up high,
You deserve respect,
For the warrior you have become.

Close your eyes,
Say goodbye,
To the lies you once believed,
To the pain that pinned you down,
You can be free again,
Running out under the stars,
Watch my eyes; they aren’t filled with fear.

Say goodbye,
As we dance to the music,
Night divine,
I’m telling you, I’m doing just fine,
Allow me to heal this damaged heart of thine…

Taken from the shadows,
Under the stars we dance,
Beating hearts; in this night, we beat as one.
Soundless steps, the wind gone to these chambers,
Outside, yet within,
The night sky seen overhead,
Glittering in their seemingly eternal bliss,
A brilliance unable to be grasped, yet somehow received.

Come now, this is the time,
The demons tremble at the knowledge,
The reliability presented to thee,
Nevermore shall they trouble you,
For I will take them on,
Lead them away,
Giving way to your peace.

Pay no mind to me, for this is now for me to handle,
From ashen to content; you can finally breathe.

- Jay M
January 29th & March 13th

Sleeplessness plagues my body,
Whilst emotions run about my head in an endless parade,
Most empty, whilst others weigh me down below,
Run, hide, leave, fly free,
I dare not obey them, for they shall lead me to my demise,
Untimely, yet fate claims otherwise.

They tell me I’m too young to understand.
Are they sure of what they say?
My maturity is beyond my age, or so I’m told,
It may grow with me, or merely just be put in bold,
This is all my mind can hold,
All I can bare.

Love turns to ashes,
With all that I wish I could say,
I dream it were still here,
The ghost by my side,
With all I hold dear,
I dream it’s still here.

Phantom, it stares into my soul,
I dream of escape,
When I was it disappears,
So easily,
I feel it slipping away,
Every night.

See the truth lying in their eyes,
The truth that they buried inside,
The fire, seething within,
Burning your heart,
Your very soul,
If only these scars would heal.

- Jay M
January 31st, 2019