Jay M

Jay M Dec 2019

Prancing about
Heart filled with doubt
Thundering in grandeur
Telling of the past danger
Yet to be unveiled
To the hungry eyes
Of those yet to prevail

Out in bewailment come the cries
Of those pending their demise
Alas, it refuses them
Casting them aside
Going along for the ride
Stride by stride
Paths yet to collide

Tempting death
Being a flirt
In every breath
Begging to be beneath the dirt
Asleep
Not far from those who weep

Laying down
Faces a frown
Wearing a gown
Flesh pierced by busy bees
Heart rate taller than the trees
Rest dear youth
Tell the truth

Tired eyes
Barely open
Many cries
Many reasons
Like seasons

Waiting
Hoping
For a hero to arrive
Arms to embrace
While the heart runs a race
This is so hard to face

Reality stings
Like a knife
But gives wings
For life
A chance
To prance
With purpose
And clarity
Of the possibility
That lies ahead

- Jay M
December 17th, 2019

I have a lot of explaining to do...

Jay M Dec 2019

Identify

How
In this world of trillions
Am I to identify
One such as myself?

Am I an old soul
Or just a tad odd?
Am I as small as I see myself
Or am I stronger,
Stronger than I believe myself to be?

What can I be?
How am I to do such a simple task
As to identify myself
When I see myself as something
So different
Than what others see me as?

Do I simply have no place
To roam this earth
With such a broad title
As “unknown”?

Or am I something
So bizarre and outlandish
With a title
But 'tis so old
'Twas forgotten?

- Jay M
December 9th, 2019

Just thinking..

#identity #identify #unknown

Jay M Dec 2019

Supposed To Be

I was supposed to be
6 months sober
But ***** that
Just another sip
Burn my mouth
Burn my throat
Make me feel okay
Just for a little while

A poison
So bitter
Making me feel
So sweet

Allowing for a temporary escape
From all of my pain
Just for a little while
Letting me smile
Though it wasn't true
It felt true
The poison making me
Believe
I was happy
Just for
A little while

Good emotions
Not a care in the world
Just swaying
Singing a song
Laughing at nothing
Everything funny
For no reason at all

I let go
For a little while
Let myself be tempted
Grab it
Be poisoned
Intoxicated

But
I'm not supposed to be

I'm supposed to be
Okay
Without
The **** poison
But it's hard
So **** hard
To be okay
When hell
Is in your head
Devouring your skull
But the demons never feeling full

I said ***** it
But the ***** is in my head
Giving me a headache
Pulsing
Thinking
Then regretting
Guilt
For what I've done
The promise I broke
Leaving behind what I was supposed to be;
Sober.

- Jay M
December 3rd, 2019

Gotta sober up.

#drinking #broken #promise #sober #help #escape #regret #guilt #sorry

Jay M Nov 2019

Killer Table

Four seated
In a pizza place
Sharing a pizza
Cheesy and delicious
New York style
Talk between bites

Reaching for the Parmesan
The table slides
Hits one of them
Right in the gut

Pizza drops
Back on the paper plate
Grease splattering
Eyes wide
Heads turn
Bodies shift in their seats
To see the sound
Strange noise
From the little table
Table of four

Laughing it off
All things resume
They continue to eat
That greasy, cheesy pizza

Talk of life
Current events
Bites of pizza
Two slices left
Split and taken
Being eaten
When...

Slide
The table
So killer
Slides to one
Hitting their gut
Making them grunt

Pizza drops
Heads turn
Bodies shift
Movement from all about
The pizza place
Eyes fall upon them

Laughter
Then the table is fixed
Repositioned
Then the pizza
Cheesy and greasy
Is devoured
Talk goes on
All resumes

After a time
The four leave
Cleaning up their trash
And leaving behind
That killer table.

- Jay M
November 28th, 2019

My mom, sister, my friend Cadence and I went to Bronx pizza the other night for dinner. The table slid to our guts twice, and we made a joke about "the killer table". So, I said I'd write a poem about it. Here it is. :)

#cadence #friend #killer #table #pizza #bronx

Jay M Nov 2019

Small Things

A wing
Carved of wood
An inch in length
Painted black
With red and blue details
Swirls and dots

Bought at a beach
From a street vendor
Selling hand-carved trinkets
Bought by her parents
When they were together
Before their child knew of their disagreements
Before chaos entered

The last good thing
Embedded in that little trinket
That little wooden Pegasus

The girl decides
Then places it in a box
Upon a soft blue cloth
The box; black with fern patterns

"This,"
Decided the girl,
"Shall go to the best thing in my life."
So
She prepared the gift
For her love

Meeting with him
Talking, spending time,
Then him having to return home
Seeing the girl in a few days
Forgot the gift with the girl
The child promising to bring it with her to him

Leaving it where she would remember
The girl goes to carry out her day
Forgetting it
Until she looked out her window
Seeing the remains of the gift scattered
Shredded outside her window
In pieces in her backyard
Her dog standing over them
Wagging his tail

Shock and disbelieving
The girl runs out to the remains
Trembling as she picked up the pieces
Relieved at finding the gift itself intact
The only thing ruined being the box
Once so beautiful
Now ugly shreds

Returning indoors
The little wooden pegasus wing in hand
She wept, her tears falling to the floor
For the last good from her childhood
Was almost ripped away from her

This last good
She wished to give to her love
As a symbol of trust and unity
To show her affection
Yet
It was so close
So nearly stripped from her
Almost swallowed by the jaws of a mut

- Jay M
November 23rd, 2019

This is true...I have no more words than those you see above...

#small #resemblance #wing #symbol #love #unity #mut #shock #tears #childhood

Jay M Nov 2019

Stress Test

As I sit in this classroom

Listening to keys clattering

Pencils clicking

Feet tapping

Pages flipping

Shuffling feet

Creaking seat

Faint ac, or is that the heater?

Such is unknown to me

For it is all overwhelming

Things so small

Yet so impacting.

Then, from outside

Chatter of children

Wind whispering my very name

Calling me to the freedom of the outdoors

A plane overhead

Announcing its presence

Clicking of a mouse

A pencil dropping

People adjusting in their seats

Drinking water

Back to work

The tap of a foot

The shuffle of paper

Pages turning

Legs shifting positions

Another plane overhead

And all the while,

Here I wonder,

While pages are turning;

What am I learning?

- Jay M
November 22nd, 2019

Never can I focus during a test - unless 'tis on the surrounding sounds.

#test #stress #learning #pages #shuffle #wondering #anxiety #sound #observation

Jay M Nov 2019

Perspective of Ghosts

My Perspective

Ghosts;
There are many kinds
Those that appear in images and audio
And those that appear in our minds
That haunt us to our cores
Plaguing us
With flashbacks, fears, insecurities
Issues with trust, issues with companionship;
Whatever it may be
These ghosts never leave us be
Not a moment to rest
And when they give us that moment
It disappears in an instant
Vanishing as soon as it had come
Not to be seen for a time yet.

~

My Mother's Perspective

An entity that may or may not exist
A shadow, or a lingering spirit
Such has been debated for ages
Yet, the question is; what do I believe?
There could be such
The soul of a person lingering in a place of importance
Trapped in a memory they had
Possibly keeping people away
Possibly inviting them to stay
Such is unclarified
Unverified
Left for us to be believers,
Or skeptics.

~

My Sister's Perspective

Yes, they are all around us!
Dreams so wondrous,
Nightmares of the dangerous,
Hidden in photos
Detected in sound
Things move when nobody is around
Keys turning
Spirits yearning
For communication
Destination
Freedom from repetition
Or just a friendly hello
A familiar song on the cello.

- Jay M
November 21st, 2019

I wrote each one in a different perspective of the topic of ghosts. The two that are from my mom and sister's perspective are what I believe their take on the subject is based on what they have told me they believe.

#ghosts #perspective #topic #beliefs #possibility