Problems are now the part of daily
life
kids, traffic, office, neighbours, and wife

You can't just plant the good
without grieving the bad you've buried.
I've been daydreaming about anomalies
like crooked edges
and predictable ricochets
that stick and go--
like us, like everything.

Tangled thoughts
Flooded eyes and a runny nose
I have so much to say but no words are close ...

Standing on the precipice of what was
And what could be
I am terrified
Tongue tied
Visibly shaken
And somewhat uptight
I am lost in translation
The channel between the stations
All static and no feed
The words between the lines
That no one ever reads
All black and white
Total absence of color
I’ve given up the fight
Remembering my mother
And her always wise words
That I consistently wrote off
And outright called absurd
While in the corner she cried
Over the disaster that was me
While on the road
I was off calling myself free
Trapped in the self imposed cage
The scorching depths that I called my rage
Unexpressed and explosive
Waiting for a steady target
The one that it could get the most of
And you just so happened to be it
Ready aim fire
The missiles of preaching to the choir.

Love isn't blind,
blind are those,
who never loved.

Mom always said
You reap what you sow
Maybe god mixed up my garden

this isn’t going to make sense
cause it’s not supposed to
and if I’m being honest
this isn’t for you
it’s not even for me

I’m stuck
I’m trapped
I’m lost
I’m every other word that describes people who feel at a dead end

I’m typing on a ****** phone
That’s connected to a ****** connection
That could possibly be a metaphor for my life

I’m writing
Because I don’t know what else to do

I’m writing
Cause that’s what they told me to do

But they also told me that what I think isn’t always true
That I’m special and I just don’t see it

But that’s the thing
I don’t see it

And if I don’t see it then why should it matter if anyone else does

And if I’m thinking something why should it matter if it’s true

What matters is that it’s in my head
What matters is that it’s always there

But here I am
Stuck in the same place
Back to square one
No progress made
The same questions, whether true or not

Will I amount to anything?
Do I really help?
Am I really worthwhile?
Do you actually care?

I see these people
When I’m online
They smile and post
They edit and pose

I can’t help but wonder

Do you really smile, or do you just do it to look happy like me?
Do you really feel happy, or are you trying to lie like me?
Do you understand what I feel?

Or is it just me?

I’m not trying to be selfish
I don’t want a lot
I just want to be happy
And I want others to be happy with me
But neither is happening

So instead there’s a poem
That doesn’t even ryhme
That makes no sense
  I’ll try harder