How you are always by my side

Where others fade away, your beauty stays

The more we talked, we got closer

Always finding the right time to hang around

While others left, you stayed

My little friend, ever so special

You may have flaws, but you're flawless to me

Because you never left

And so your beauty never faded

So much is happening
So much in one night
I remember what happened this morning
Oh this, it isn't right.

Why, i stayed up all night
I wish i was helping
My soul wants to sleep
But i kept on forcing awake

Last time i took a breath
Wasn't today at all
I dont know what to feel
They're mixed up in a batter

I dont feel blue, or yellow
Or mellow, my little fellow
I feel purple
Cuz i dont know how to feel

dear feet, I am sorry for dragging you around all this years
I am sorry that you never got the chance to feel the up and down motion known as a happy walk
dear legs, I am sorry for hurting you
I am sorry for leaving scars on your beautiful skin, I am sorry that I look at your marks of growth with disdain
dear hips, I am sorry for always squeezing you
I am sorry that when my pants are too small I still force you in
dear stomach, I am sorry for hating you
I am sorry for pinching and hiding you away
dear lungs, I am sorry for making your job harder
I am sorry to trying to poison you by standing too close to my uncle and his cigarettes
dear fingers, I am sorry for always scrubbing you too hard
I am sorry that I twist you all around when I am scare
dear hands, I am sorry for making you hurt me
I am sorry for making you scar my arms and legs
dear arms, I am sorry for pinching the skin on you
I am sorry for being disappointed in the fact that my bone isn't replacing the skin
dear shoulders, I am sorry for keeping a weight on you
I am sorry that you have never relaxed
dear face, I am sorry for covering you up
I am sorry for not loving the freckles that make me, me
dear lips, I am sorry for making you bleed
I am sorry that I bite you until you bleed
dear hair, I am sorry for chopping you off every time you begin to grow
I am sorry that you can't be long because I am scared of new things
dear body, I am sorry
I am sorry I don't love you but I am trying
I am trying to love you

Slipping away
Losing all the sleepy days
Growing tired everyday
Working endlessly

Eyes about to close
Heartbeat slowing down
You take a deep breath
Everything slowing down

Your eyes widen
You snap awake
Still all the same
All tired, no energy

Breathe in, breathe out
Weird stench fills the air
I took 8 hits on the pipe
Feeling relaxed, feeling lost

My eyes turn red, very red
My mouth is dry; I feel famished
Wasted another day, all alone
All forgetful, all pain-free

Blue Dream, Purple Voodoo, Afghan, Green Crack
I haven't tried it all, only have one type
Feeling so lost, but relaxed
No sorrow I feel, no yelling I hear

Known as "illegal drug", right in my room
I should stop, this isn't good
It ruins my brain, my lungs, my life
Feeling very lost, feeling that anxiety

I get caught smoking outside
My life is done, over for good
They tell me to turn myself in
But guess what I have, guess what I have

Some pistols and a gun
I load 3, just to make sure
I should've stopped smoking earlier; but it's  all done now
I pull the trigger, I pull the trigger

Not missing the head

Oh little leaf, little leaf
How much you like the tree
Hanging on tight as you can be
Breathing happily under the warm sun

Fall is coming, coming, coming
You change green to brown
Oh how you have a big frown
As you twitch and sway, about to fall

Oh little leaf, little leaf, hanging on tight
But you feel your grip weaken
Fall is here, this isn't mistaken
You cry softly, as you feel the cold ground

Suddenly you hear laughing, kids everywhere
You see them getting closer...crunch...crunch
Leaves getting blown...crunch...crunch
And everything blacks out, as you wither into pieces.

Oh little leaf, little leaf, your life was good
But little leaf, what was your name?
It's possible to reach that fame
But you're gone now, withered in pieces

Don't worry, there were leaves before you
Little leaves in the spring grew
They saw you before there a few
But forgetting what it was, living happily as little leaf

Forget about the end, new little leaf, you're happy now
Just live happy, hanging on tight
Spread the joy, don't be in fright
Because you'll be in the light...

...keeping you safe...

How do I manage to lie awake
long after the sun disappears and the moon and stars light up the darkness surrounding me
just like you used to.
I'm not sure how after all this time
you haunt me more than just in my dream of happier times
like going on car rides for hours or walking aimlessly around your neighborhood
just for something to do.
Instead I have endless thoughts of what didn't happen:
the zoo date that never surfaced,
the cute little surprises you always told me not to tempt you with,
the picking me up at my front door before a big night you promised I would never forget.
I guess you were right about that part; I never did

forget. And as I lie here hopelessly in love with the ideas I still have of what we will be, are, or more like used to be,
I'm haunted more by what wasn't said than what was. Secrets don't make friends
which explains why we turned into enemies.
Or more like frenemies;
not friends and not enemies,
just strangers with a lifetime of memories.