The big, black cat crossed my path again today
As always, slowly walking across the road;
He turned back, around the corner and looked at me
As if to say, I own my path!

The big, black cat crossed my path again today
On this Friday, the Thirteenth
After bumping into the widow housekeeper mopping the floor
And sighting a crow that flew from right to the left;

As the big, black cat crossed my path again today
Shall I ask you; once again,
To wear that artless indifference and the quirky smile
And tell me “What do you ‘get’ from that?”

As earlier when the big, black cat crossed my path
Would you answer, “Come on;
The ******* cat is just going somewhere”
Then, with abandon, say “the journey must continue"

Hell is full,
Heaven won't let me in.
Life won't accept me,
As something gets close by.
While death holds me tight,
As the cold wind blows though the night.

Seeing less living

Not breathing

But feeling

The scorching light

Tearing my skin

Fading away

Away I go

Into the deep abyss...

Going by fast,
Clock broken? Will that stop time?
You take out the batteries,
Sure, you'll feel like time has stopped,
But it's still going.

Slipping by, spilling like pouring water,
Never stopping for you,
Especially when you need it the most.
Time never waits for you,
Just like anyone in this world

Sometimes you want it to go by quickly.
The pain you're going through,
Feeling like time goes by slow then.
Just at the wrong moments it slows down
Either way, it never waits.

Time is a valuable thing,
If you realize it sooner enough.
Some are limited to 3 months,
They have no choice, but to live their life,
Wishing they could live longer.

You forget time is going by,
Not realizing you'll get it back.
And it comes that time,
You are limited with time.
Just 'cause the choices you made, it's over.

You feel that sudden chill
Suddenly you feel cold, though its summer
You have a lot of school work to do
But you go straight to bed
Just trying to sleep

Wake up, hear voices in your head
You take another smoke, in the closet
Better not get caught by your parents
That doesn't fix it
You fall back asleep, skipping school

You get blamed for something you didn't do the next day
Didn't stand up for yourself
You don't care about anything anumore.
You've lost that sense of feeling

Getting yelled at, a bit of abusement
But the only pain you feel is inside your head
Crippling into your thinking
Getting hold of your emotions
Never letting you go

You relapsed several times
You overdose on pills every day
But not enough to pass out
You then promise yourself one day to stop
But relapse again 2 days later

You meet someone people
Become friends; they don't know what you're going through
But the smiles, the talks, that makes you think....
Think about something...

You're not alone anymore
When you think about those suicidal thoughts again....
Think twice: you have friends
And someone who cares about you
That special one you think about everyday

No relapses; you stop on pills and self-harming
You start healing every day
Little by little
Still getting those thoughts
But they disappear quickly

You think about that person
Everyday; looking forward to see him
Your parents don't know about him
They would be mad at you
Telling you to focus in school
But no one can really prevent themselves from falling in love

One day, you relapse again
You think about what you've just done
You tell yourself that this is wrong
You stop, the relapse only lasting one day
You think about him again
You tell yourself you'll never do this again

Looks like you've healed
You're still depressed
Like ***** to you
But you got something to look forward to
Friends
That special one
That's all that matters to you now

You can't say you're alright
But you have hope
This will get better, right?
As you lie awake at night
Things are different now
In a good way

Life isn't easy to live through
Its hard to keep yourself alive
But now, you have people you care about
Something you didn't actually have in the past
"Everything will be alright." You tell yourself
Am I off the list of relapses?
It looks like it

None of the people I care about would like it
If they find out I'm hurting myself
So I'll not do it, for them
For me also
I'm off the list of all of those relapses
Slowling healing everyday
Thank you
You don't know exactly what I'm going through
But just by existing, you're helping a lot
And by all the conversations we have

I make friends with both dark and light,
everyone is different and special.
No one is left to be judged.
You ask who are these people?
"Who is that with no hands?"
Well let me tell you something,

Scissorhands is my friend;
very original, yet mistreated,
why it's like the people around us.
Judging a book by its cover;
sure that sounds old,
but not if you never learn.

"Left with no hands, why with us?"
Oh everyone is special.
I got a friend with no eyes,
cannot see at all.
Does that make her different?
No not at all.

Am I alone?
No I'm not,
people may call my friends monsters,
though they are not what you think.
Everyone is not the same,
but we shall treat others the same way.
Different is unique,
very creative in all sorts of ways.

So next time you enter my house,
don't point anyone out.
If you don't enjoy their company,
then you shall not come at all.

I find it hard to keep my head on the level
          Keep thinking,
waiting for the second I lose my mental
     Missing some thoughts about you
Memory got shot, a drive-by from what the last guy put me through
     And some of the blood left a few stains
Bruises and scars but it ain't the same thang
            The marks everyone else can see ain't nothing compared to the rips and tears deep inside of me
       The stains on my soul turning what used to make me whole
          into something ***** and cold
      No amounts of bleach or scrubbing can make me forget
Nothing can help me escape from
             the laundry list of regrets
It beats me up inside,
       causes more, new and fresh bruises
               with every nightmare
And no matter how many dreams I have between,
         I can't seem to get there
To that place of no longer looking back,
            of thinking about the past
Cause some trauma tends to define
      what your **happiness lacks