I'm aware.
Just sitting here.
Aware of the sounds of the sweet music, like a nectar in my ear, awakening every cell in my brain.
I'm aware of the soft blanket touching my bed.

Oh how long have I been asleep for, before awakening into this life.
For I have been lost for so long.
It's been a dream state. I've been a dream state for so long. But I don't want to anymore.

I want to awaken and smell the flowers. To feel the gentle touch of this life. Of the reality that I am born into to understand the depth of the life I have been so gracefully granted. To hear the children laugh and to see the kittens play.

For I have been in such a long slumber,  the time before I did not understand, I did not see, just floating in a dreamworld so preoccupied and unaware.

But now... Now I am aware, Now I am alive more so than I was before. I live and breathe with ever ounce of my being. No more doubt no more resistance or hesitance, no, now I breathe. I breathe the air that I have been given. I breathe.

Nodding off,
Falling to the concrete
Alone in slow motion;
  (My skin pours with the raindrops)
And for a minute we all fall
Together. Light as the cells
That stitch our flesh.

the sunrise wept,
kissing all four corners of her room.
desperately illustrious,
dragging out the emotions we conceal within.
taken aback by the sheer beauty,
the tears began to lull.
a sudden stillness ; peace,
washing away the grief of that night.

she traced my fingertips,
eyes like moon pools of water.
oh how precariously balanced were her tears,
upon her lashes they sat,
comfortably uncomfortable.

her warmth, her gaze, her breath.
the addictive enticement,
enhancing the tense seconds
ticking by on that old grandfather clock.
as we both sat,
reminiscently replaying.

you turned me
into dust,
so i turned you
into w
     o
          r
      d
             s.

Healing leaves are now disrobed branches
on the edge of this wilderness.
Many tall Douglas Fir stand sentinel
over 100 foot tall amazing grace — the fleeting leaves
expose the beauty of the moss clad scaffolds
adorned with a lime-grey lichen lace
Nature is my refuge — solid ground to stand
in this harmony and peacefulness.


Jesse Stillwater — December 2018

~ Ode to Joy ~

White gold ambassador
canine past eight
soul seekers ascend
(from cirque to seven)
to peak
to peak
to peak

Saddlerock spearhead
ptarmigan
and flute
Christmas trees
in winter glades
over dusted crystal scape

Fissile (eiger) sanction
open shale and tusk
indiscriminate members
roll the bluffs
and ice falls
above the
north face steep

Dead silent dawn
breathless, bitter cold
the beating hearts
and brahmas
warm the spirit
of pakalolo