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Typewriter1 Nov 2018
This past year has taught me a lot, I’m not going to lie it’s been a hard year , been though really hard times losing some amazing people , lost family that meant the world to me, had to learn how to pick myself up after people were done with me , had to fine myself for myself learning I can’t let anyone do that for me except myself , I let a lot of people go from my life they taught me I didn’t need negativity in my life , and with that brought me some of the most amazing people I have in life Rn which are basically like family,this year is no different to last year it’s the same just times are getting harder things are changing, I’m greatfull for all the people that did stick around with me has had been there with me at my lowest point in life till my happiest , ever since I lost you I haven’t been the same person I’m not as happy as I use to be but days like this remind me why I shouldn’t take anything for granted. Finding myself in open spaces what I need and what I don’t need in life is so important, I honestly wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have the most amazing support from friends and family especially.
Typewriter1 Feb 2019
2019 mmm should be a good year i hope...
last month was good nothing to worry about , but this month i don't know what will happen.
my ex texted me last night telling me he wants me back
i'm confused i don't know what to do
i am mentally ready to get hurt
2019 please make this one hell of a year for me
Typewriter1 Apr 14
2020 is officially cancelled.
Typewriter1 Aug 2019
are you angry or upset, what are you feeling inside.
do you feel like you weren't wanted, or do you think that you did something wrong.
do you think you were a mistake or just not loved.
these words roll around in my mind day and night wondering if what they did was a good or bad thing,
you tell me they loved me but not enough to keep me
you tell me they wanted to to give me a better life but didn't realize how depressed id be growing up.
i don't think id ever understand all this
my whole life was a lie the parents i called mom and dad....
but this whole time i had other parents how do you explain that to a child.
i'm depressed, mad, upset, confused, lost, my whole world came crashing down.
my heart broke a little i felt like a was standing still but i wasn't alive.
when i think of the word adoption i stop and stare into mid space thinking why have kids if you KNOW you cant look after them.
but you weren't thinking of the consequences.
no words or the amount of thinking would ever make me understand what you did and why you did it.
i'm now 19 and i'm still cry every night thinking why .what if ,maybe i did something wrong
you didn't realize but i'm hurting way more than you would think
but i will say this i'm in a better home environment,
so for that thank you, adoption is a whole lot of crazy world
Typewriter1 Mar 9
This feels so weird not having to call or message you every day waking up knowing we’re no longer together it ***** not having someone by my side 🥺 I feel so empty and lost the amount of times I’ve cried just wanting you back my heart breaks more you were the love of my life and my best friend 💔
Typewriter1 Nov 2017
Change is a funny thing,
We use to stay up at 4am on the phone talking non stop,
We'd tell eachother everything
We even loved the same songs
We use to be unstoppable
You were my other half, my sister my world
When I was down you were always there for me in the good and bad, but something in you changed you acted differently,
Never replied to my messages or my calls,
Then one day you called me saying your sorry we talked for hours and hours we shared laughs and tears, then we ended that one call,
You were all over the place we both said things we didn't mean but you took it too far, one month a few months turned into a year we use to stay up and chat, we use to talk everyday and night we would talk about everything now, change did us both good we went our separate ways
Typewriter1 Apr 13
its hard to believe something like this has happened, its hard to take it in and not to blame anyone.
these past few weeks have been a roller coaster its been up but mostly down. most days I've been crying its hard going though all this pain and not knowing what to say or how to feel so you stay quite even tho you know that's the worst thing you could do because it doesn't sit well ,
when i lost my granddad i partly blamed myself for not telling him loved him more or having more conversations but the one person  i really blame is the doctors i thought the doctors are suppose to help you not send you home and tell you your fine when you know its not and losing him was hard it was extremely hard,
the next year in June 2019 i woke up to the news that i now have lost my  grandma and that broke me i never told her i loved her more than i should of i should of have more conversations with her i loved her more than life its self i blame myself.
i feel like i'm losing everyone i love.
from all this its taken me down and i feel like i'm never going to be okay because i go on about my day and i'm fine but deep down i'm broken and i'm lost and i miss them.
Typewriter1 Apr 14
Some memories can lead you down an emotional roller coaster childhood memories of the good or bad of the fair and some get you thinking.
Sometimes it's really easy to think life is perfect but in reality it's hard and at points in your life you feel like you want to give up.
when i was growing up i thought yes i have the hang of this thing called life, but then it all hits me i'm nowhere near being able to handle life.
Typewriter1 Apr 14
Forgive forget regret

Somethings are just too hard to forgive
Some people are just too much to forget

I'm ruining my life and no one understands why.
But i do i just can't seem to tell you why

But tell me am i the problem to why this **** happens
I mean you seem to make it out as it is my fault

The **** that happens you don't know the half of it yet you don't bother to ask
Not that i would waste my breath in telling you what i need you to hear

No no you only want to hear what makes you happy, so have you thought that maybe just maybe this is why i don't want to hear from you?

Come on you have to question it.
Yes i listen to what u want me i agree so you don't get mad at me not because i agree to what you say.

Okay so we have talked about the first one forgive
Well that was leading up to that
Forgive ( definition to the word forgive, verb stop feeling angry or resentful towards someone)
But what if you just can't simply forgive.


forgive part 1
3 parts to this
Typewriter1 Aug 2019
I never did let my guard down I just trusted you enough to let u in
You gave me a reason to trust ,
But here we are again
Repeat after repeat.
Typewriter1 Apr 13
girls!!!!!!
never cry over a guy that doesn't see your worth
your more than just a pretty face
you are worth so much mire
Typewriter1 Aug 2019
my life is good for i do not cry
but i know somethings missing inside
thus i leave with a tear in my eye
but for thus does not exist inside
my mind is blank
for the words i speak
as this doesn't make sense
but neither do i
happiness and hope surrounds near by
may my face smile with the hope inside
as i leave you with these words i cry
save me from myself as i do no want to die.
Typewriter1 Jan 2018
No money could buy the happiness, she feels when she looks into his eyes... she Is home
All credits go to my sister
her
Typewriter1 Apr 14
her
though her smile is gone forever and her hand i cannot touch,
i still have so many memories
of the one i loved so much.
her memory is my keepsake with which ill never part...
your keeping her safe as shes looking up from above,
i have her in my heart you are sadly missed but never forgotten i love you so much.

granny i miss you
Typewriter1 Mar 2019
sometimes its really easy to think life is perfect but in reality its hard and at points in your life you feel like you want to give up.
when i was growing up i thought yes i have the hang of this thing called life, but then it all hits me i'm no where near being able to handle life
Typewriter1 Dec 2019
3/12/19
inside my head

I'm not crazy, i'm just confused.
I don't know who I am anymore i thought i know what life was about, i thought i had things figured out... but instead my world came crashing down. I lost myself.
I didn't care what was going to happen. I don't regret the things I did in the past.
it has taken so many years for me to love who I was I used to hate who I was I wasn't the person i wanted to.
happy ? I wanted to be happy but my version of being happy is different maybe my version is slightly wrong... let me explain mines more like your sad yes i know but oh wait there are people better smile or in other words smile for the camera its showtime. just like in the movies your acting for a role but in life your acting a role your playing forever. see life is like a movie its keeps going on going some parts will be boring and other parts will be good , so grab your popcorn and get comfy this movie called life is about to start...
you don't know it but you've been playing it since you were born you have a part in life that your stuck with. a day in the life starring...
inside my head is a million words spaces thoughts , what's inside my mind controls my everyday life.
yet it doesn't seem that way and i wonder why, like questions why is it that some days you wake up happy and other you just want to cry for days.
like your mind tells you okay when you wake up your gonna be happy as a sunflower okay ready 1... 2... 3... wake up " GOOD MORNING WORLD  IT'S A GREAT DAY''
and other days your mind tells you okay when you wake up your gonna be sad as a dead rose okay ready 1... 2... 3... wake up " ugh I don't want to get up let me sleep "
but most of the time its im okay i got this i can do this im just... one moment let me grab my bag... okay im ready... wait i. I just can't life is too hard to live maybe i'll try again tomorrow.
sometimes its really easy to think life is perfect but in reality its hard and at points in your life you feel like you want to give up.
the motivation depends on what your mind wants you to do. you have to control your life don't let your mind do it for you you go this yes this thing called life so so challenging yet so beautiful at the same time but you have the skills to do what you want in life don't let people ruin that joy you have inside you and yes we all are happy on the inside that's why we hide it we know that if you let them see that your really happy you know that it would eventually come crashing down. that's why our actions speak louder than words.
Typewriter1 Oct 2018
trying to escape the shadows that lay beneath me,
for this i can not escape
this road called life
Typewriter1 Apr 2018
Live each day as it comes,
You never know what tomorrow going to bring,
Live life to the fullest with no regrets.
Typewriter1 Feb 2018
Life is special,
Don't take it for granted,
You don't know what you've lost till you lose it...
when you do you will appreciate how much life means to you
Typewriter1 May 2018
la vida es muy complicada no intentes encontrar respuestas porque cuando encuentras respuestas la vida cambia las preguntas ~

life is very complicated don't try to find answers because when you find answers life changes the questions ~
Typewriter1 May 2017
love is strong
love is hard
love makes us crazy
love makes us strong
you made me laugh
and you made me cry
but your love kept me going
your love is everything i want
everything i need
i thank you
Typewriter1 Jan 2018
Love I love the way you make me feel,
You make me feel a way no one can,
I love you I love you not?
You make me question what love is
My *** my love my best friend
I love you to the moon and back,
I love you
I cried when I had to leave, I smiled when I saw you
You make my darkest days bright
We're far in distance but never in heart.
I loved you so much I had to let you go, a part of me reminds with you forever
Love is you you made me see what love is I love you  your amazing
Words can't explain what u mean to me love is you love is this
Typewriter1 Nov 2017
As we look into the sky we see stars I wish upon a star to keep you safe tonight I wish that you may receive all the happiness life gives you,
May you always have a smiling face and a loving heart
Love blinds us
I've fallen for you a day goes past you make my heart tingle a month goes by my hearts beating fast because I just love to see you a year goes past my heart feels like it's breaking it seems all down hill from here one conversation turns into an argument and after that you leave...
my heart is shattered into a million pieces but my mind still loves you
I'll pick up each piece of my heart each day I'll make sure you know how much u mean to me love is stupid but your always going to be the one person that will light up my world when everything goes dark
Typewriter1 Apr 14
The memories you share with people last a lifetime but the memories you share with yourself last forever till you die. You die with those memories whether you choose to share them and make other people laugh or you keep to yourself for good reasons or so you think.
We collect and make them whether they are good or not. You hold them tight, some will make you cry and others will make you smile.
Memories can be anything from sharing secrets with that special someone to holding hands with someone you love.
Typewriter1 Apr 2018
mommy why did you leave, you left me when I was small, did I do something.... mommy where's daddy I can't find him momma I love you, mommy I don't blame you for leaving me handing me off to my dad like a leaf been swept away, daddy I miss mommy where is she but sadly it was the same with u .... once again I was swept away from you you hanged me to someone, mumma I love you. Please come back
Typewriter1 Feb 25
The day you came into my life was the day I knew you were someone I would never want to lose... I write what I fee but never say them to you, I’m Afraid and I’m scared of getting hurt or feeling like I don’t deserve you, someone asked me what I would do if you told me to let go and move on.
I replied with ; I’d tell you all the times that made me love you I’d explain my love for the one I have giving my trust and respect for the one I can call my best friend, the things that made me fall for u in person than I said I really love him but he wants me to let go I would respect his wishes and leave but I’d cry everyday knowing I won’t have you in my life that means I would lose my best friend my soul mate my boyfriend my world my other half, I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you wanted but I hope you find someone that can love you the same I did. I would of hoped that one day we would get married have kids live life grow old, but for u you broke my heart and left me but I want you to know that you are and will always be my best friend I love you.
Typewriter1 Jun 2019
thoughts and hopes
shatter inside...
take a deep breath
let it die

hope for the best
may be a lie
focus on the things, that travel inside.

darkness is the way to the lights
force yourself to listen inside
sounds and voices whisper inside like the thoughts of my mind slowly die

my life is good for i do not cry
but i know i'm missing something inside...
part one
Typewriter1 Feb 2019
through my eyes is a girl in pain, a girl lost in her own thoughts trying to escape, through her eyes are screams and cry ,
lost in a world horrible.... but
she hopes her time will come soon to end her pain.
she knows that some day someone will save her
Typewriter1 Jan 2018
This morning I woke up,
I looked in the mirror all I wanted to do was cry
The way I look, the way I feel is ugly,
No one hears the pain or the cries,
Everyone tells you stay strong your going to get through it or your doing this to get attention,
The truth is I'm hurting in in pain,
You say I should ask you for help,
But really I'm crying out for help it's a silent cry, I'm crying out please help, I'm in pain,
You say I'm doing it for attention, attention is that what I have to do to get your help,
Pain I feel emotionally and physically,
Pain runs through me like water dripping down my skin, it runs and runs never stops it drips and drips ,
I guess all is done you've let me down,
Typewriter1 Aug 2018
my scars are a constant reminder of how strong i am,
How i can get through anything,
my scars does not define me as a person,
my scars doesn't define me for being weak, it shows the paqin and suffering ive been though to get to this point in my life,
well my scars got me here today.
Typewriter1 Apr 13
you see my smile not my story.
you see my pictures not my thoughts
you hear my voice not the words i speak
Typewriter1 Aug 2018
' you're going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times.
but in the end, it's always their actions you should judge them by.
its actions, not words, that matter <3
lets all be honest this is extremely true and right
Typewriter1 Mar 2019
sometimes its really hard to think about living a life without any regrets, especially when life is mainly filled with dark emotions
Typewriter1 Nov 2017
My time has come,
For things to move on,
Darkness awaits,
For my love ones to come,
Happiness is just a saying,
But deep down we know-
The day has come to an end,
My sadness is growing stronger,
Help me to stay strong for my time as come.
Typewriter1 Feb 2018
They say time heals everything
But the pain never really goes away does it?
Typewriter1 Nov 2017
Life is like puzzle, one pice fits and one pice doesn't, life is full of ups and downs, we can't change anything because that's not how it works.


All your thoughts bottle up inside you and you just can't find a way out it's like digging a tunnel you dig and dig but the more you dig the more you just want to give up because there's not way out. All you have to do is look at a mirror see your reflection and all those thoughts in your head start to come back you start to believe them because all you had to do was look at yourself and see it and now all you do is hate yourself and you can't find a way out
you
Typewriter1 Apr 14
you
you have taught me the true value of life, life isn't as easy as people make it out to be,
life isn't perfect i wish it was
Typewriter1 Oct 2018
Never fear a judgment if you already know who you are.

— The End —