Being an introvert doesn’t mean you don’t like being around people, it gives you the opportunity to listen in silence to what’s going on in the world, you can learn a lot of being in the background and just sitting and watching, people think you don’t have friends but you do you just keep a small amount of people to be beside you. People you can trust that will make your day bright.
The meaning behind introvert is a shy person. But anyone can be shy, you meet someone for the first time they are going to be shy until they feel comfortable enough to open up and let you into their bright world were it’s filled with love, laughter and happiness you get to experience that cherish every moment you have because one’s it’s gone you’ll never be able to get that happy girl back. Don’t do anything to hurt her because even though you made up doesn’t mean she’s open up to you anymore because she’s always going to protect her happiness from others that aren’t invited.
Mmm people say your an introvert you don’t like people your never happy, but the truth is I’m happy in my own way I may not show it but I’ll always show that I want to be around you.
It’s been 3 years since it happened I haven’t thought about at all till last night, when I was asleep I thought it was just a dream and that it didn’t really happen. But it did it did to me and I always blamed myself because I thought I loved him. I got told afterwards that it was my fault that because I was with him it was okay that I wanted it. After saying no a few times and I remember pushing him off me I gave up maybe if I let it happen it would go past fast, this dream has really ****** with my mind it’s all I can think about it and opening up a case just to relive it is something I don’t want to do. But maybe I just need to talk about it idk if it will help I just want my mind to forget about it.
I don’t understand how my mind can block out my abuse but not this.
I’ve been in the mental health service from the age of 12! I taught myself to grow up at the age of 13, from the age of 13 I started sh I was admitted in hospital for the very first time at the age of 13, after been abused verbally and physically and sexually, a few years go by and at the age of 17 I was sexually assaulted that too my innocents, at the age of 18 I was sa again, at the age of 19 I was admitted into hospital like 7 times in a year at the age of 20 I was in hospital for 2 weeks with security and nurses having to stand at the edge of my bed because I attempted to run away, at the age of 21 I was back in hospital for 3 weeks and I was homeless at that time, now thinking back from the age of 13 till the age of 21 I was in and out of hospital therapy all because of one person that one person that stole my childhood and I still managed to go home every time with the doctors knowing that when they see me next week my story didn’t change I just added more stuff on, I was never able to tell anyone about the abuse I was going through because I was trapped so I tired everything I could to try stop thinking about it, this one time when I was in hospital I really didn’t want to live and the nurse left a pen on the table next to me so I took it went to the bathroom and started sh the nurse asked me to open the door and I didn’t do they came in and from then I wasn’t aloud to go anywhere without someone next to me as much as I hated what they were doing and they were trying to keep me alive and all I was thinking was why me why am I worth living when every night I go through so much abuse, but today I’m so glad to stay I’ve left that part of chapter behind me now i see that keep all the hate and anger you built up throughout the years didn’t do you any good, I’m proud to say I’m 3 months completely clean and I haven’t thought about touching anything sharp, I’m so proud of myself and who I have become as a person as a friend I feel new
Do you ever feel like your alone, but you have have friends and a partner but somehow you just feel so alone but like you can’t tell anyone because they just won’t understand no matter how hard you try to tell them you can’t seem to get the words out, your finally in a stable healthy environment but you feel so lost that something is missing in your life you have so many thoughts running through your mind you can’t bearly think , family work social life you just can’t seem to understand anything anymore your out of your dark low stages at one point you were in and now your slowly finding yourself again but what if you can’t find what if you have been searching for that person you use to be before everything bad happened in your life what if you know your never going to get that back but you try so hard because that’s what makes you feel something, or that your so use to how you were when things were toxic and you were very depressed and that’s the only thing you are use to, what happens then, who am I . And what is my new purpose in the better me.
" nothing heals the past like time, they cant steal the love your born to find."
life so challenging even when you think your doing okay but then it hits you, the feeling of being okay suddenly disappears. you haven't found peace within your demons you need to set yourself free in able to find peace within yourself.
I'm okay i am but some days are just too hard to deal with and to try and get up to do anything is a challenge, i want to be able to share my story i want to share what i went through and how i ended up with all these mental illnesses because i deserve to find THAT peace i know I'm missing inside,
what i do know at this time is that what happened was not my fault, to my younger self i know you blamed yourself for everything that happened because you did not have any support from everyone i know that you got blamed for what happened you got told maybe if you were not in a bad mood maybe things would of turned out better for you, to my younger self someone took your happy loving bubbly self at the age of 13 from then on you have struggled so much you have been through something no child should of ever been through i know for a fact you survived you survived the worst of things, im sorry. im 21 years old now and im still trying finding to find peace with everything that happened its a long recovery but i know that i am a fighter and i am strong i can get through this with or without the help of people, it's time to start fighting for my happiness instead of trying to stay silence to make other people happy, because for one i want to be selfish and i want to be happy for myself.
so here's my story and my road to recovery.
I’m feeling so homesick ever since my family moved away it’s been so hard the fact I never got to say goodbye and life as been so hard, i miss my mum and dad we barely even talk anymore I don’t even know how to feel about that it’s so overwhelming feeling like you have no one around you that actually loves and cares for you I’m not saying I don’t have people that don’t love and care about me I do , but family just hits different and at times all you want is a hug from your mum telling you everything’s going to be okay and now you don’t have that an it ***** it really does, I’m no saying I’m not thankful for my partner family do letting me stay with them but inside it does hurt when you seem them with their family all happy and it just reminds you that you use to have that and now you don’t 😭
With love comes hate
with hate comes hurt with hope comes faith. Born to be a fighter with fire as a soul all will be right, within this place you call home.