Where was I just?
How long has it been?
Recollection from a life once lived, where do these places, feelings come from.
I know they can’t be real,
Or is there really enough in my mind forgotten that has come back to haunt me?
Nights with the best memories made in a different mind,
Settings with enough emotion to hold my confusion in line.
I don’t know if I’ll ever understand this faux nostalgia,
But I hope I cover it with reality when I’m around ya.

The anesthesia is setting in.
I can feel the numbness spreading through my limbs.
All the pain and struggle of the past is being clouded over now that I’ve given way to the same destructive desires.
It’s like nothing means anything anymore, but consequence every single broken moment still requires.
I don't know how conviction will find me in this crowd.

Burns me so bad, but I can’t stay away. Warmth and light are too great from this flame. I’ll take the pain with the hope, no matter how long the game.

Can’t take my eyes off this burning in the distance. Too afraid I’ll never find this light again, though I know it’s quite irrational and on a whim...

I have finally reached the burning fire, caught up to the smoke and pyre. All desire quenched in flame, will I survive the heat, or be brushed away?

I didn’t expect it to be so bright, surrounded by light, now I don’t know where to go, how do I hold it here, I don’t wanna leave, I’m scared to show.

I miss where I'm supposed to be.
As the snow falls and all heaven is set free.
I can't ignore the draw inside,
Every photo and video, I know there's something missing here.
I inhale the beauty of the trees.
The smell stays and hides in my dreams.
I feel imprisoned in my mind,
All the thoughts that keep me from accepting what's near.
I know I have a center point up there.
Over and over I'm reminded of the flare.
It flashes most unexpectedly,
When I think I'm comfortable it blinds me with its fear.

I wanted it to work so bad...
And you wanted my last name.
It seemed like a perfect ended being set up for failure with me to blame.
Oh my god but you were sweet, so gentle and so thoughtful.
How could I hurt you and your rosy cheeks, now my life’s story feels like a plot hole.
I keep writhing in pain and fear of regret.
Your curly dark hair darkens what reflects.
When I look at my self,
I see what I did to you,
How I put hope in your crying eyes.
There was so much I wanted to do with you,
But I couldn’t go on, I couldn’t keep holding you and surrounding us in lies.
Your glistening blue eyes that pulled me in won’t lose their glow so fast.
You’ll be pulled in like the rest into the great wonders of my dreamscape mess.
I hate that I’m saying this again, but...

Please don’t hate me,
Please remember me.
I will remember you.

With all of the pain, the regret, the mistakes and failures of youth.
How could you let your children fall into this?
I didn’t see it coming,
I didn’t know it could get this dark so fast.
I didn’t know beauty could ruin your mind.
Our basic desires we were born with, are now ripping us apart inside.
And I feel alone, I feel abandoned.
I just wanted love and comfort,
but I received the piercing emptiness of “too soon”.
At least we didn’t go all the way,
we didn’t get married.
Not that a future with you was inconceivable,
but who knows where we’d be now?

The paintings!
The rain has destroyed the art.
The colors drip like blood from the canvas,
The shapes mix together and blur with the meaning.
No one could plan this.
The memories!
The shame has broken the heart.
My honesty crumbles each time I’m reminded,
Their brush strokes fade under new ones,
Like no one minded.