i havent used my brain in a while.
but i still wear a frown upsidedown.

I've never felt this way before,
When I'm with you,
I can actually feel my heart,
You make me feel alive,
Something that is actually real,
People notice somethings going on,
Are we to scared to say how we feel?

you were so young, and she was too.
neither of you knew what death felt like but would understand soon.
you used to play together when you felt that you were alone.
she was there for you, she was your backbone.
you were her sunshine when she had those rainy days,
you brought out her beautiful personality when she was feeling gray.
you beamed off each other like the two stars in the sky.
life was a dream, neither of you expected her to die.

she passed away only 7 years ago.
you did not understand at first, but your heart felt like it had no home.
your best friend had disappeared and never came back.
now because she is gone, your happiness is at a lack.
you still see her sometimes in your dreams,
or when you close your eyes just to breathe.
you can imagine running down the hallway beside her, you and your best friend.
you made a promise to stay together until the world came to an end.

her funeral was as dark as the midnight sky,-
your mother comforted you but all you could do was cry.
your tears ran parallel to the raindrops outside.
your father told you to stand up tall and so you tried and you tried and tried.
but the sorrow that had been dropped on your shoulders was weighing you down.
all that was left of you was the recurring feeling of dread and a permanent frown.
for the next week the teacher watched you because you did not accept what had happened before; you stared blankly at the ceiling and then at the floor.
your eyes became paler with each day, but you did not want it to show.
the teacher finally realized after two weeks and you were sent home.

she did not follow you, but her memory was haunting.
every breath you took and action you made was taunting.
you wanted to move on but could not forget;
it is seven years later and thinking of her is a threat
to your well being and your mental state
all you can think about is what went wrong and how you were too late.
you believe it is your fault, but it is not.
it is simply life, your memories will rot.

e.knocks

.
Feeding the birds in winter,
So they might come,
Friends through a window,
At home I have so much space
On empty walls, waiting
For photos, paintings
That now occupy floors,
Waiting for someone,
A golden ring from her,
But the telephone is mute
And boxes are kept and music,
A passion plays all by itself,
In stations set, programmed,
Processions of droll and cross,
Sweet undulations to bare,
Barely listened to.  

At home,
Blankets cover chairs,
In the cold that only I know,
How warm the walls seem,
Unadorned, yellow for sun
And red for mausoleum,
There's enough blue
In the sky.

Simmer down,
I'll tell you how to love me
underneath a purple sky
while watching swaying trees,
easier than looking into
your hurt eyes;
I really hate goodbyes.

I'll be wearing the smile
you killed me in,
wear your love all over my skin,
carry a bruise in my heart
as patience overflows
and of anger, I'll try to not overdose,
I wish I could push all
these problems away
and pull you closer,
but now I'll wound the two of us sober

You arms around me felt safe,
your lips tasted like home,
will you really force me to disown
everything of you I've come to know?