With a thousand miles between us
Your frequency still reaches me sometimes
A low static buzz
I’ve learned to tune out

You will creep into my dreams
A slow fog circling my ankles
Your voice a mist around me

“But really,
What would you do
Without me?”

I always wake drenched
In the anticipation and sweat
Of all I could have said

Without your shame
Accessorizing my skin
A tight necklace
That everyone admires

I blossom

Vines up a building
Protruding through the concrete
Overtaking what was always mine
The reckoning
And reclaiming


Without you
My power is boundless
While yours is finite
It’s what you always feared
I would realize

The other night I had a dream
I was force-fed glass
I didn't see you
But swear
It was your
Sticky familiar fingertips
Who held my nose

I spit up shards
Blood red pools on
Pristine white carpet
People looked on saying
"You look so happy together"

I spit the glass into my hands
Pressing it tightly into theirs
Quietly as they pass
A sharp edge note
Cutting their soft flesh

When they are miles from me
They will unfurl their fingers
Unclench their palm
The cutting edge truth
In tiny red ink will read
"We are not as happy as we seem"

“Use this time to better yourself”
You’ve got to be
******* kidding me
Tell me it’s a joke
Meant to make my sides ache
Left in stitches

Darling,
It’s a miracle
If I can drag myself from this bed
A compromise of opening a window
As a substitute for stepping outside

This room is stale
Heavy and thick
With uncertainty
A tension you could cut or even touch

No amount of sleep
Can wipe the tired from my eyes
I swear it’s packed into my bones
Our weaving through my capillaries
There’s no blood here anymore

I’ll use this time
Simply to
Survive

I woke up today
My bones
Were not cement

It was waking up
On the bottom of the ocean
A thousand leagues
Pushing on my chest

I could see you
Above me
The clear view
Before you surface

Waving hello to me
Or perhaps
Goodbye
The funny thing is
There's no way to tell the difference

My words are rotting teeth
Needing to be pulled
Forcefully from my mouth

Tired limbs
And a heavy body
Being dragged from bed
After another sleepless night

These sentences
Are switchblades
Cutting you
Straight to the bone

They must be heaved out of me
Or turn into concrete
Pebbles to boulders
Heavy in my gut

Words that poison
The water from which I drink
Must be drained from my body
Onto this page
For they're simply your memories
That no longer belong to me

Given the chance
You’d drape my skin
Right across your bones
Starting at your shoulder blades
And it still would not
Be too close

Given the chance

You’d wear me like
Your favorite sweater

That never matches anything
A hole in the armpit
From too much wear

Given the chance

You’d hang me
On your bedroom ceiling
So I could reflect back at you
The person you wish you were

The guilt
You graciously

Gifted to me

I held onto for years

For who was I to return
What you had made
Just for me

I wonder
Is it harder now for you
To learn to swim

Because the shame I shed

Is anchored to you now

Tell me
If you’ve changed
Does the ghost of who you were
Cling to your coattails

I am now
Well beyond sutures
Barely even scarred
Have your wounds healed?

I have my doubts

I hope you
Absolve yourself
If it can help you heal

Forgive
By never becoming that person
Again