If life were perfect you would be my one. I love your smile, your laugh and I get your silly jokes. I understand that your pain has made you a different person than the one that I first met. Understanding that you have a fear of what could or may not be you shadow your life with the unreal. You allow yourself to become excited with the things that children love. Underneath all of that hurt I see you. Sometimes we have to take hold of where we went wrong. If we keep looking at how I was hurt. Or why did they not love me enough to stay we wallow in self-pity. This can cause anger and division.
You might not know or see when you push people away. Then you long for them to be there. It is all too late. Not everyone wants to fix the broken. We are all broken in our own way. If we go fixing things that don’t belong to us, we have then wasted so much time. While we could have been working on ourselves.  If I call you…you answer. If I text you even if angry you reply. Even though I purposely ignore your calls. I do so because, when I was right there you did not come for me. There were many questions by others as to why you did not come. I made excuses for your absences even to your friends. As much as I don’t understand you I do. Your fear pushes people away.
Yet you constantly appear.
I wish that I could allow you in to read my mind. But we all have our fears. I too am afraid of allowing people to get past my comfort zone.  So while we constantly adore one another, we will also constantly be alone.

If tomorrow never comes don’t mourn for me because I have finally found good sleep. No, I won’t be able to hear you as you post your fake love on social media. Because I will have finally found the true meaning of peace. I won’t hear or see your tears because I will be asleep. You won’t find me in heaven or your term of hell. For these things don’t exist for me. I will not be among the ones that reign in heaven although I do hope that they enjoy their new life. Nor will I be burning in hell, Hell is a common grave and no God of mine would treat people that way.
He is a God of love and mercy so know that, if tomorrow never comes I have the hope of the resurrection. Make sure that My children know that they are my heart and that I hope to see them when I awake. For those that I have spoke the word from the bible with, I hope that they continue to learn. If tomorrow never comes for those that lost contact stay lost. Please don’t come around I won’t be able to see or hear you. But there is no love lost.
If tomorrow never comes remember that those that you love must know it. Serve Jehovah to the full he is so amazing and deserves your love and so much more. Those that were there with and for me you mean the world to me. Don’t run up bills on student loans or trying to buy homes. Travel and give love where it’s needed and deserved. If tomorrow never comes I will see you in the new world. Same girl but we will be in a perfect world!

Many times, we put everyone ahead of ourselves. We feed people and forget to eat. We love people and forget to love ourselves. If someone that we care about needs something we will drive hours away to give them what we believe that they need. Even if we are not in the best situation to do so.
There is nothing wrong with having love for others. In fact, that this is what makes us human our love. The way that we give and share our time with people. Not just our loved ones but those that may not be able to assist themselves. Before you reach out to be there for everyone do a self-check.
Make sure that you are okay. Will whatever you are going to give put you in a bad situation. Not financially but mentally and physically. We need to be balanced in all that we do. Don’t give to everyone else and have nothing to give to yourself. It is not selfish to take care of you. When you are down ask yourself …who is going to care for you? If you don’t have and answer continue with your self check. Make sure that you love you then them.

This life is new to me and I am learning to enjoy the moments. There have been many first times just this year. I now understand what it means to love at first sight. Loving unconditionally has been taught from watching my children love their mates. There are new fights that are being fought. No not with hands as we grow those fights are done away with. The fight for another day is with in me.
While many other things are on constant repeat. There are many new experiences that are being had. Today was the first day that I believe my sister finally tried to understand me. People sometimes paint you to be the person that they think that you are. Or who they want you to be. When I listen to people tell me who I am. What kind of person have always been and it is laughable. It is more than strange that people can know you all of your life and know nothing about you. I have been told that, “you only let people get so close.” This might be true but if I do it should say a lot to you. Trust is earned and never just given.
If I push you away it is because you put me in the situation to. New dreams and heart beats warm my inner being. My mind-set is different. Before I wanted you to know that I am there for you and would put myself to the side to provide. I never looked for anything in return. That mind-set has changed. I can no longer give my all to everyone. I have learned to replenish myself no other human can do that for me.
I am not returning calls that I don’t want to make. I will no longer participate in events to show others that I care. I will not lack sleep to benefit someone that does not deserve my attention. If I delete you I am not interested in knowing that you are offended. You earned your deletion and I hope that you do well. With these small first's I can’t wait to see what more is to come.

Since I am an open book all you need to do is listen. My life has never been a secret. Reason being is that everything that I have encountered can either benefit or save someone. There is no need to try to master mind my thoughts. I only shut down when I know that people mean more harm than good. If you only speak to me when you think that I have tea to spill... than for you I have nothing to give.
Do I trust you to share my thoughts, dreams and hopes with you? As I laugh at the thought…why would I? No, I don’t! While many take view of the smiles on a face I discern by your words and actions. I watch the side eyes that you give that suggest that I am doomed to fail. I know that you don’t understand me. There is no need for you to. Do as I do. Watch my actions and listen to my words. Get and understanding that I owe you absolutely nothing. As I conform to the new person that I am becoming there will be many changes.
I will no longer care how you see me, what you think of me nor will I try to make you understand. Throughout my days I have always concerned myself of these things. They have only caused me harm, stress and pain. This is my life and I will live it for me. Not for the perception that you have of me.

Ms. Naomi you were such a surprise. I did not know what to think where I heard that you were coming. When I looked into those big pretty eyes I fell in love. You were born with sarcasm and a warm heart.
You are like your grandma.
At just a few weeks you and your Mommy were arguing. You wanted to eat and she was learning to feed you. You pushed her and fussed and she fussed back. I knew then that you were a fighter.
One day as I held you your eyes were closed.
I kept trying to get you to open them. You turned your nose up and turned your head. I thought this child is mean. You then turned back around and smiled. I have been in love with you every since. You are such a beautiful baby girl. Your Grandma loves you. Thank you for being mine.

Isaiah you are such a joy. I don't think that I've ever met anyone so happy. Even when you cry you try to smile. You are so innocent and I love that.
You see only the good in everyone.
I can't believe that you belong to me and there is not one mean bone in your body. How did this happen? We can't always understand how our babies become so much better than we are. We can just thank Jehovah that it is so. Your Lovey loves you to the moon and back.
My first grandbaby and first grandson.
I love you with all of my being. You are my sun, moon and stars. Your knowledge for technology is beyond believable. My Izzy baby I look forward to seeing the amazing little person you become.