i am so alone
i had so many people
that could have been
more
but i just push them away
cause i cant even
trust myself
what am i doing
playing with another persons health
i just need to
cut myself off
from the world
i'm too distraught

Should I go down this path again
knowing it might cause me further pain?

a lot can happen in
f i f t e e n  d a y s

you could go on a vacation
you could get married
you could give birth
you could buy a house
you could get a new job
you could make a new friend

there's so much you can do in
f i f t e e n  d a y s

what did I do in those fifteen days?
I tried to take away my next fifteen days
and all of them thereafter.

My face has been forgotten,
My tears have dried on my skin,
My legacy will fail to hold me,
When my life is about to end.

My poems will burn with my ashes,
Like everyone else's thoughts,
No one will remember them,
Not while night turns to dawn.

My words won't be remembered,
My thoughts never exposed,
Because I will never share them,
Never will try to impose,

That my thoughts mean something,
My opinions have value,
My poems have touched minds,
And maybe have some truth.

My memories will fade,
Along with her face,
I wanted to tell her,
But was scared and afraid.

I’ve become so good at
Pretending to be okay,
I don’t even remember what
It feels like to let it all go.  
I don’t remember letting my friends see my anxiety,
Breaking down in front of somebody,
Smiling a genuine smile.  
I don’t remember showing any emotion besides okay,
Fine, normal.  
I remain the definition of average,
Blending in so well I don’t even think about it.  
Sometimes I want to just stop.  
Just stop all of the pretending and let myself feel.  
But I can do it.  
I can do whatever I need to do
In order to keep things normal.  
And that’s the scariest thing of all.

it sneaks up when you least need it to.
it blocks your every thought and causes stress.
it makes you forget all you ever knew.
it feels so right yet you know the truth.
it will only cause pain in the end.
it takes away the life you had dreamt.
all those past due assignments you must now amend
because procrastination has become your friend.