I wish someone would’ve caught this when I was looking at suicidal poems online,
when i was sitting in my room so stuck in my mind I couldn’t move,
when i stopped eating,
when i started losing interest in my life.
I wish someone would’ve caught this a year and a half ago on the 14th of February
when i was in so much pain that digging a pen into my thigh was a relief
Instead I made friends who were in as much pain as i was
who understood my want to die
who didn’t tell me that i needed help
who didn’t talk me into a therapist.
By the time I asked for help by myself it was august a year and a half after my depression became noticeable
2 years after I stopped eating more than two things at lunch
6 months after i became suicidal
6 months after i spent a night in my room begging to die on my birthday listening to the same song over and over crying because i didn’t want another year of life
i wanted to die
I wish someone would’ve caught it…
But I catch it now…
Or I try to, others help me catch it, others do whats best for me.
I didn’t get help till 6 months after i was suicidal
It makes sense that 3 months and one year later I’m still struggling
especially when i only decided to live for myself 44 days ago on may 9th
I imagine its always harder to undue something than it is to do it.
So i imagine its gonna take longer than 6 months to overcome my suicidal thoughts.
especially if it took me a year and 2 months to decide to live after a year and two months of wanting to die
fight my darling and remember,
I love you