I truly hope there’s something left of me
When you come back round my way again
I’m sure you’ll recognize me
In the sad little pieces that remain...

You. Always. Did.

A history
That doesn't push
You forward
Will **** you one day.

My entire life,
I have been waiting.
For years,
Almost two decades now
I have been waiting.
Waiting,
For the better parts.
Waiting,
For the “soon”.
Waiting,
For my life to begin.
Because,
I don’t feel like I have lived.
In the nearly twenty years
I have been alive
And breathing
I do not feel
In any of those years
That I have been alive.
I don’t feel like a single breath
That I have taken
Has been real.
I feel as if
All these years
I’ve been stuck
Behind a window
Watching as my life unfolds
Before me.
I feel that
I have had
Zero control.
That I am in the backseat
Letting someone else drive.
That someone else,
Is writing on the pages
Of MY life.
But no more.
I will break that window,
I will take that wheel,
And I will write
My own pages.
My life has begun,
And now -
I’m in control.

It's a struggle
I understand---
The point is lost
When comfort
Of the bed takes over,
But failing
The challenge twice
In a week
Is noteworthy.

The point cannot get across
If it's all but a car
With flat tires,
For this road has no time
For brakes to depress,
And we knew that stepping in,

But surely we can do better
To not deplete the message
Of wasting any moments
Than the example we've set.
Laziness is no longer an excuse,
It's a mindset;
Don't let it breach the line
Of permanence.

loving you was
late night drives
iced coffee and fries
laughing on your bedroom floor
new places
fingers intertwined
ruthless gossips
putting me on a pedestal
second guessing
bathroom breakdowns
kissing bottles and strangers
tossing myself to sleep