i chugged too many bottles
they sometimes remind me of your cold lips
the taste of whiskey stings
like the way you said i was too much
but i don't want to sulk around
so i drank more
until i could just pass out
and let my friends drive me home
by the morning,
i'll wake up with a pounding headache
guess i'll treat it with some aspirin
only to realize that i have to drown myself
in alcohol once again at night

loving you was
late night drives
iced coffee and fries
laughing on your bedroom floor
new places
fingers intertwined
ruthless gossips
putting me on a pedestal
second guessing
bathroom breakdowns
kissing bottles and strangers
tossing myself to sleep

it's the kind of pain that makes you pray when you don't pray at all

notebook open, and my pen out
attempting to turn these disastrous thoughts into something beautiful,
same page open for hours,
but nothing was written.

i waited for you to speak
but you failed to utter a single word
not even an explanation was given
you just left
without letting me
know the reason behind your leaving

You used to be my inspiration.
The reason for all my poems.
The reason for all my feelings.

You used to be responsible for the giggles before bed
The smiles at sunrise
The blushes between texts

Then suddenly I found the poems weren’t about you anymore.
You weren’t worth writing about anymore.
You weren’t as enchanting as I remembered.

I held you responsible for the poems
For the happiness
For the glow I flaunted

When all along
It was never you
It had always been me

It was then I realized
I wrote best without you
I glowed my brightest without you

You lost your magic.
You lost your charm.
Most of all you lost me.

Without me there is no us.
I handle my own feelings
Finally I’m my own inspiration