rupi kaur writes that loving with the knowledge that you are not good enough is selfish,
and to that i say let me be selfish,
just this once.
i have suffocated my joy and buried my despair for too many men.
please let me try to show this one
how much he means to me.

“most importantly love
like it's the only thing you know
at the end of the day
all this means nothing
this page
where you're sitting
your degree
your job
your money
nothing even matters
except love and human connection
who you loved
and how deeply you loved them
how you touched the people around you
and how much you gave them”

― Rupi Kaur

I’m sorry,
I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry
I was going to
But I got stressed
And i got depressed
And i forgot.
I’m so sorry
Sorry won’t fix it i know.
I found things to love about you
I swear I did.
I thought you had left me though
I thought it was finished.
I dont deserve your time or another chance.
But
If i text you will you answer?

melatonin for when you just wanna sleep
midol for when your cramps are unbearable
molly when you wanna dance
ibuprofen for when your parents are yelling
acid for when you wanna trip
tums for when your heart burns
xanax when you're anxious
eye drops to make them believe you weren't crying
pepto-bismol for an upset stomach
**** for when you wanna chill
alcohol when you wanna forget


but little do you know
i don't need any of these drugs
because you make me feel
better
and higher
than all of them combined

It was an accident
“An accident?”
An accident.

It was an accident
My finger slipped
I tumbled down
Onto the ground.

“Onto the ground?”
Onto the ground.

It was an accident
“An accident?”
An accident

It was an accident
My finger slipped
So the knife tumbled down.
“Onto the ground?”
Onto the ground.

It was an accident
“An accident?”
An accident.

It was an accident
My finger slipped
I threw myself down on the ground.
Wait no-
It was an accident
My finger slipped
I fell down to the ground.

It was an accident
“An accident?”
An accident

It was an accident
My finger slipped
As i bled out on the ground
Staring at my phone not moving around.
Wait no-
It was an accident
My finger slipped
My phone was far away.

It was an accident
“An accident?”
An accident.

It was an accident
My finger slipped
I forgot to lock the door
“You forgot to lock the door?”
I forgot to lock the door.
But i also forgot to push you away more.

It was an accident
“An accident?”
An accident.

It was an accident
My slinger flipped
....
It was an accident
My flipped slinger
.....
It wasn’t an accident
“I know.”
I’m sorry it wasn’t an accident.
“I knew your finger didn’t slip.”
I’m sorry i lied about it being an accident
“It’s okay
You just didn’t know what to say.”

My finger slipped
But it wasn’t an accident.

If only your arms
Held me true again
Our lips and
bodies entwined~
If we could remember
language once shared.
Find our rhythm divine

Yet we have climbed
these ravaged cliffs
Heartbreak Chasm
between~
A fragile bridge
of diminished connect
Crossed only in my dreams

Older now
in this state of suspense
To watch our love fall away~
A tender time for both of us
This loss of each
Precious day


Copyright © 2015 Christi Michaels.
All Rights Reserved