I used to spend hours looking down
At the thousands of small critters
I used to look at the caterpillars
Checkered, bristle-covered enveloped bodies
As they roamed the soil for growth

A breeze, a storm
Enough to flood the land
The caterpillars gasped for air
Lost, alone.

But the sun struggled through
The storms calmed
And the caterpillars emerged from the water
Ready to fly,
Ready to metamorphosize.

Now I look up, up to the sky
and I finally see
Momentary beauty, splendid nonetheless:
Purple wings glistening through the wind.

That’s what I aspire to be.

My young glistening eyes fixated
sparkling beauty, the standard
natural as day, a diamond crown
as I throw my arms left and right

Works of love and works on stain
conditional on display.

White roses bed the windy plains
Glistening cool dew
as the sky runs in grey and stone
The petals run through my soul

But then the day sets.
a trip, a trick, and a treat.
Dirt on my hands as the sky roots me
and in languor I wait

As it skims my body
my skin, it hurts, it complains
It could have been erased, but now
Red beds the cruel plains.

it's not enough, my waist spits at me in the mirror
I know there's so much more, she spits as I undress
it hurts - Well, there's no time to be hurt. No, not now.
You don't want to upset him, do you? I know you don't.
i don't. - Then close up. It's time to make him want you, Ok?
ok. - Let's start with your face. There are some things I dislike.
Too straight, too narrow, too large, too small. Don't you agree?
yes. help me. - Oh, I will, dear. Now, will you give everything?
everything? -Yes, I need everything. Give your chest and soul.
You're not hungry anymore. Okay? -you're right, i'm not.
Hold your stomach in, get up earlier, ****** him
Find your passion, but don't abuse it. Oh, and
Don't forget: do it all in heels. No one cares
If it hurts. If it looks good, you're set, see.
Learn how to be smart, not too smart
Don't worry that he looks at them
Just look better. -you know it
won't change anything.
I do. but you need it. No one will like you if you don't, especially not him.
i see... is this enough?
No, my dear.
it's not?
No.
ok.
-

When I look outside, I see nothing
Not because there isn't anything,
but because I'm lying.

Quick drums forcing lies
and the truth comes out, and it will,
the emptiness of love
I can't see it, no matter how much I feel

I can't have someone by my side
and be alone in my heart
unless I get hurt and pretend to be understood



No one will understand you completely
You will always be lonely

Before I could remember
I was lost, and without myself
having no one else
How could it be lonely?
For no one was even there,
At least I wasn't

"I'll take time to find myself"
Never something I asked,
But it wasn't a choice, or a need
I found myself in feeling the stars
While the sand brought me to reality
The sunset wasn't warm, it was leaving

As it left, an inverse shadow
Burned into my memory, a time of company
And loneliness flooded my room
Loneliness of not finding my way out
And i found the coldest was the potential of warmth
Fall found me and the snow fell around us

In illusion, once again,
Looking in your eyes, I lost myself
But I wasn't alone-
Little did I know
that I would find myself
in you.