Do you know what it's like to long for a friend,
Long for them to see through all the lies,
To take one moment to be real with you
And say you can make it through the dark?

Do you know what it's like to feel completely alone,
Mouth sown shut so all that comes out is lies of I'm fine?
Too scared to speak the truth for fear of rejection,
Wondering lost till the day you give in...

Do you know what it's like to so desperately want to die?
Not so much die, but not live this life.
I fear that I am losing the battle of what's me and what's not -
Losing it to the voices and noises in me head!

Do you know what it's like to want to heal?
But no body will listen to your words,
They tell you, you're okay and you're functioning just fine.
Do you know what it's like to feel yourself giving up?

I'm lost inside a labyrinth,
With its ever changing paths.
One minute you're near escaping,
The next it's altered all again.
A never ending nightmare
Thinking it knows what's best for you,
But it's lies are imbedded deep within
And there's nothing more that you can do.

My mind is like a tornado,
Destroying everything in its path.
One day I'm simply surviving
The next, I wish I was dying.
I'm terrified of my mind
For I fear it can make me do.
Self-destructive, hypocrite of pain and love
Beckoning me to hurt once more because that's all I deserve.

Hiding behind fake facades
of forced smiles and laughter.
Lying through gritted teeth
that I have not lay harm to myself once more,
whilst the sting from my skin is only just bearable.

Being alone is the scariest time
as I feel like there is no where to go
but down a swirling rabbit hole of never being enough.
I try and catch myself before its too late
but I have yet taken to hurting myself once more.

Shaking uncontrollably,
trying not to crack
and cry the tears that threaten to spill.
If only the words for help would fall so easily,
maybe I would no longer suffer in desolate silence.

Dear my cursed mind,
How I wish you would not torment so
When the darkness comes crawling
Unfurling its captivating shadows
Across the lonely, forgotten skies.

Dear my cursed mind,
May you please no longer hold me in your paralysing grip?
Let me go and succum to this state of fear.
Knowing that my thoughts and feelings are lost to a whirlpool of hypocrisy
Tormenting my very soul until it bleeds and screams out.

Dear my cursed mind,
May you please let me rest?
For you see I am so very weak and tired from fighting yoy
This never ending, passionate torment of heartbreak
Wreaks havoc across my days and nights.

Dear my cursed mind,
Please let me rest, even if it is just for a little while.
I have grown so weak
No longer able to stand your mockery!
I have destroyed everything you have asked me to,
Now I fear my own sanity is at steak.

Why can I not accept the hand
that you hold out so readily
when I am descending into a black void,
taking with it my incentive to go on?

Why is it I will fight with you,
push you away, and make you feel
as if I no longer want you to stand by my side
when truthfully I want nothing more than for you to stay?

Why, when I am all alone
and I'm longing to reach out
I stop, dead in my tracks to scared
for the rejection I have received too many times?

Why is it that I can lend myself to you
in your times of need so willingly,
knowing the benefits of having someone there,
but I cannot accept this help myself?

Is there something wrong with me,
or is the painful, blackness
just too enticing to some people...
some people like me?

Someone asked if I was okay,
but all I could muster was 'I'm fine'.
But the way they looked into my eyes
I know they could see that 'I'm fine' was all lies.

I quickly turned away, for them not to see my tears
and tried my best to place a smile across my weary face.
I tried with all my might to muster 'I'll get through this,
maybe not tonight, it's just taking me a little while'.

I know they saw that I was hurting,
and I knew the pain was becoming too much to take.
But this burden is mine to keep,
it is mine to bare alone.

They reached out to hold me closer,
as they placed their hand on mine.
They said they were there to help me in anyway they can,
but I have heard those lines to many times before.

What a match, oh what a pair,
my broken china doll and I.
Abandoned in dark corners, where no-one ever sees.
Cracks and broken pieces lay scattered on the floor
of a once cherished child and a once treasured toy.
Now you may never see it, but we weep, both her and I
for discarded things have feelings
if not always naked to the eye.
My broken china doll and me
don't understand what we have done.
For objects once dressed up in pretty things
became fragmented, tortured lumps.
It's not always understood,
why we throw away all broken things,
because sometimes they're most beautiful
if we only ever were to look within.
Now we may be broken and discarded,
never to be repaired again
but with a little helping hand, we could learn to grow.
For through our cracks the sunlight could seep,
making us feel whole again.
But my broken china doll and I
maybe too far gone to ever be saved.