Life was fuller, brighter with you here
Love radiated when you were near
Child you were heart you were soul
You alone were enough
You were gold!

Crushing under the weight of your biology
Falling flat before the tragedy
I tried
You lied
I tried
You died
They say I’ll become angry with you soon
If you ask me Im just becoming a Loon
Out of my mind
Turning circles
it’s
You I can’t find
If one more person says
you are now my angel
I’m certain I’ll retort,
“My angel?”
NO, my prodigal!”
Are they afraid I’ll love you less
or
that I too will crush under the weighty
truth?
You were the progeny
If there’s a monster
I’m the true prodigy
******* BIOLOGY!

I used to believe that pain had
some kind of cosmic
threshold

could only go so far then strengthen me
making me
bold

I've been branded with a much deeper, darker,
wider, weeping & gnashing of teeth
type of pain of which I thought was
reserved for an un-earthly
hell

Now I know it can exist
long before death so far as I can
tell

Standing on hardwood
Staring at the Rock in its ocean’s
Place
It fills the picture window
Yet all I see is your
Face
You were the decor
A room never needed more

Joshua ~

Raw agony fleshed out through medicant words, or so I’m hoping.

You’re Running to die and my spirit hurts in places I didn’t know exist
Lord he soars home to You
And there’s nothing about it I can do

And they tried to claim you
in death
but could not
for you were born from
above

They did not help you
for they could not
they knew not
LOVE

You who claim to be
his mother his brother
his cousin his bride

would you really rather
he died?

Oh that I could remove you all
from the face of the earth
I surely would!

My heart pities you
who never understood.

The ONE he loved
has taken him home.
As for me
I wait alone

For my son Joshua bone of my bone flesh of my flesh