Where are you to hold me when I need you to?
Where are the understanding thoughts others have of my imperfections when I can't help myself either?
Why do the horrid memories replay in my hippocampus when I thought I already turned them off?
Where is my mania to squash my depression half?
Why do I seem helpless and wait forever to succeed in the adult world?
Why do I get so intensely excited then become an antagonistic monster?
Why did I not know then what I know now?
Becoming a victim completely unaware.
Proved wrong and I strip to be the bad one
so everyone shuts up.
Humiliated and hurt and everyone looks out for me.
Naive behavior and hunger too strong I steal from others.
Tears swelling in front of small children.
A girl who wanted nothing but for me to suffer.
A boy who wanted nothing but my genitals.
A troubled woman who wanted nothing but my time.
A guy who wanted nothing but for me to be his *****.
A guy who possessed me,
Though everyone at some point
Did.
I've been owned, abused, humiliated, hurt, assaulted, victimized, bullied, made fun of, attempted to **** myself, blown off, screamed at, fought with, admonished, antagonized, used, looked down on, bossed around, yelled at, pushed, shoved, thrown away.
Today,
I have love that is a beautiful miracle and proof I will be loved without being pushed into what's only for him.
I have a few good friends who care and don't grab my hand.
I occasionally hate who I'm becoming when the anger within is the kraken in my body swerves herself around me inside slowly and aggressively.
Only way she comes out is through profane vulgarity in my words and through my lips.
They're gone,
They're not mine,
They're hurtful,
But remember they're only for a moment.
I'll be done with the anger one day someday,
and the kraken is just a myth.
Though my traumatic stories may seem like a myth too,
be grateful I'm still here and
smiling.:)

The panic attacks
pass away.
Reaching their time to
resign.
From the one with
the frustration,
all I can think is,
it's not the time.
Not now can I
fulfill what I should have started
at 17.
The glorious age
where nothing bad of the sort
matters.
Every tough achievement
is sacred.
The stars break out,
we become employed,
this was the age,
I wish I had enjoyed.
To have opened my eyes
to bigger and better,
no 17 year old
is a forgotten and removed
feather.
17 again,
why would I ever go back?
To be the big girl?
To be unemployed?
Wasted 16 on the achievements.
Now I'm 19 and the clock ticks.
Bigger hand moving faster
than ever,
just want to be covered in
plaster and bricks.
To be still,
like I stayed,
at 17.
Now I live with
panic attacks,
over the money making process,
that should of been started,
at 17.
What a great age.

On her walk,
she treaded the path,
brainstorming the incident
and facing the aftermath.
Along came a man,
walking on his own,
little did she have in mind,
this is someone she had known.

“Why the long face?
why the tears,
why the chin so low?
May you open your ears?”

She replied,
“I wish I cold tell you,
but I really don’t know.
Who I am or where I belong.
I thought I loved myself
but perhaps I am wrong.”

The man looked at her
astonished by her
honesty,
he could see that she needed to be
told she was fine and deserved to be
happy.

“Oh the places you’ll go,
That is a book I wrote I’m sure
You must know?”

“Yes,
I read it as a child,
When it was okay to be
Fun, crazy, and wild.
Wait a second,
Dr. Seuss,
is it you?!
I read your books growing up,
and the meanings were oh so
true!”


“I love your feedback,
very genuine, you raise the bar.
Now what’s wrong with who, or how you are?
Do they say you take it too far?”

“I lose friends every year.
I come off as too strong,
I lose control when I go out
and they say I no longer belong.
I then get excluded and I spend weekend nights alone,
I don’t want it to be this way,
I want to show everyone I have grown.
I’m the reason drama happens but I only want to
Have fun.
I told them I love myself,
And they told me to
go away,
Run.”

“Who is they?
Might I ask,
You’re like the
“Cat in the hat.”
But the mess gets cleaned up
in the end,
You just have to say,
“Yes I did that.””
Knowing when to draw the line
Is just as important
As knowing how to have
A real good
Time.”


“That’s the thing,
I don’t know when.
I think I’m being too loud
But when I’m quiet
I feel drowned.
I feel like I have only myself,
I’m like the Grinch,
I’m alone on a mountain so angry
I have no help.
No friends,
nobody loves me,
wants me,
invites me,
they tell me they’ve had enough,
my frustration is as high as the sky.
I hate having no one
I don’t know how much more
I can try..”

“My goodness,
you’re so upset,
I’m sorry this is how you feel.
Now this may sound ironic what I am to tell you,
but you are the one who makes it
real.
You are loved
You just have to accept,
You have some work to do
But you must let go of
Regret.”

“Mr. Seuss,
I live alone and I never sweep my floor.
I give my friends space,
But they always ask for more.”

“But you’re in control,
You just need to note,
Your confidence is there,
Now anchor your boat.
Take the anchor out of the ground
When you’re ready to go somewhere new.
Be a captain,
I see a leader in you.
Do you remember Horton?
The elephant that heard a ‘Who.’
If you spend time solo,
Someone like a ‘who,’
Will call for you.
They’ll need you.
They’ll want you,
They’ll be there for you
Too.
As Horton Said himself,
“A person’s a person no matter how small.”
The little ‘who’s’ told Horton he did nothing
but save them all!
Sometimes we people hear what we don’t want,
But think of it as honesty and then you let it go and you show them what you got,
Like,
“You must not hop on pop.”
Or,
Your heart may grow and you’ll be surrounded for a Christmas Dinner.
You are not a loser,
You are a winner.”

“Thank you, Dr. Seuss,
I’m no longer on the loose.
I may have had illogical moments,
But I have so many things to choose.
I may have had a loss,
but I am for now on proud to be alive,
there will sometimes be a cost,
but this is my life,
I am the boss!
I’m continuing my walk now,
I really needed this encounter with you,
Thank you for your words of wisdom,
And I will wait to hear from my “who.””

“Now I wish you the best of luck,
My sweet dear.
I love that you live a life of lessons,
And have nothing to fear.
Your rules are your own,
You know what you are after,
“Those who mind,
Don’t matter,
Those who don’t mind,
Matter.”
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to great places,
you’re off and away.”

“And I am the person
who will decide where I
go.
Goodbye Dr. Seuss,
you’re a true friend,
I just have to move on and go forward
this story will never end!
You are a good man
and a blessing of a
‘Who.’
Right now,
this moment,
I will start happening
too.
Thank You.”

Know yourself,
not just the bad,
know your limits,
forget the trauma
you once
had.
Feel your hands touch
your face,
be grateful for your
individual look.
Quit eyeing everyone
around you,
sit down with a
reading book.
Jealousy is a force,
nerves are
automatic.
Anger is unacceptable
and hostility is
dramatic.
Mean spirited behavior is
wrong,
so turn it into a play, book, movie,
or song,
and we can all join along,
and feel your pain.
Sometimes witnessing
is how you win
the game.

I’m a little different, and you say you are as well.
I have no money in my purse, and you have no job to keep you secure.
I live with my family, and you live with yours,
so no fun in the house wherever we go.
I write but I have no fame, you throw baseballs at trees and are not
a pro.
We sit under a tree where we don’t have to pay a meter.
We walked twelve miles to this park and I got dressed up for this.
You put a little flower in my hair, and I lay on your chest.
I want to love someone and not be cliché but respect our friends.
I want to be loved by someone who accepts everything.
I want to love someone who is unafraid.
A guitar is too big to carry on this trip, and there to our left is a metal picnic table.
Come with me, take these small wooden sticks from the tree,
find the bar on the bench, and play me a song.
Play me a little tune from the object in the present.
We are present, we are here, and the xylophone is what we shall make out of this ugly back metal picnic table.
I’ll dance upon the table and hear you play.
A little song,
for little time,
the first date is the scariest era of love.
Will I spend the rest my life with you?
This would be the greatest thing anyone would do
for me.
Play me a song as I dance for you and we learn within space and earnestly living in the present time.
When it starts to rain and your instrument rusts, carry me home, and play me a song
with your voice even if you are not singing.
Trust me,
I want to hear it.

I did so much wrong,
I messed this whole thing up.
Hearing you when you called back that night
Broke my heart.
Your voice trembled.
You can say you were hurt.
My behavior gave reason.
You said you were cold and
Alone.
The sound of my voice must have made it
Worse.
Because I care,
I will always be your friend.
Just as I understand your not feeling
Its there,
I will understand if you choose not to be anymore.
If you ever decide once more
And need to talk,
Like a toolbox to fix a problem,
I will be there.
I promise
I will make effort to be no more than
Friends.
And you can
Sweep me off my feet
Anytime.
I trust,
My friend.

We blame,
we rant,
we cry,
we don't let others tell us we can't.
We obsess,
we say,
we vent,
we are so desperate to get our way.
Moving on happens,
but not overnight.
We think it will happen, but we learn,
we cannot put other people's problems out of sight.
We must go to those who are paid to care.
Friends say they can't deal with it.
It is never unfair.
The frontal lobe develops as we mature and grow.
So teenagers, hold your blame,
and don't regret saying no.
People are condescending,
people are pushing limits.
People have their moments,
we cannot break their habits.
The frontal lobe replays memories,
it's like a T.V.
But the world moves forward.
We must let our desires and sayings be.
Our frontal lobe,
directs our choices, and who we listen to.
But we never pick the voices.
The world gives us the freedom of speech.
Even though it annoys,
we have the right to preach.
We all have memories,
we all say things we don't mean.
We need time to blow off steam.
Some frontal lobes help their people read.
The world has so much to say and write.
Some frontal lobes remind us of our unwilling past.
Then we pick a fight.
But the world allows us to conflict and disagree.
We learn that actions speak louder than words.
We don't ever fight physically.
We come together,
we make an agreement,
we shake hands,
we end the tragic moment.
Our frontal lobe may remind us too much,
and play like an old record spinning without control
until someone makes it stop.
We can choose to let go,
but we cannot blame the world.

As I give thought to my grudges
And my anger has authority,
I smile with an tiny smirk ,
And listen to the people around me.
After I hear words better than mine,
I nod my head,
I stand up,
Strip,
And I talk shenanigans.
This is how I hide
Who I really
Am.

Overall, I'm a tornado.
I'm a mix of anger and jokes.
Once the towns are torn apart
All my loved ones are sitting and crying.
They lost their own,
My own is what causes my crisis.
I'd rather be a stupid fool than
The angry person I was born as.

Down the overpass I walk alone there is a bridge.
Bridges are meant to hold and let go.
There is a lighted highway underneath.
It's night so no one can see me do this.
Stepping up is the hardest step.
I'm shaking all over my hands still try to hold the rings of the iron gate.

I can't live this way.
It's my head versus me against everyone's perfection.
The night is ending, I see the sun peeking in its tough sky.
Fine, I'll let go of the rings and step down.
My feet are back on the ground and behind me a strangers car approached.
He gets out and comes to ask if I'm ok.
I nod, stand on my ground,
This time I don't strip.
I say I'm going to be ok I just needed a minute to myself.

Is that all I need to do with those around me?
Are the jokes really not necessary?
Which way am I being myself?
I'll have to live in order to learn that.
And the others,
Maybe there is no perfection.

Those who don’t learn
will never understand the difference
between given and
earn.
Those who come off as angry and
aggressive are found as
manipulative and
possessive.
Those who are rude and unkind
are pitied like those who are
deaf and blind.
Crimes are accused by those
who are threatened by others talents
so they claim their being not better as
‘abused’.
Those who were never told no
have nothing else to say except,
‘ok, let it go’.
People are going to do what
they are going to do.
People think they are better
then everyone else and
feel mortified when their facts
are false.
Those who raise their voices and scold
to grab attention were never taught
to take a deep breath, see the surroundings,
and prior to it see the correction.
Get out there,
accept the world for
what it has and what
it is going to be.
Think of all those people
who look down and think
horrible things of me.
They are right,
I’m just one of a kind.
They are smarter,
and my intelligence makes
their teeth grind
Ha ha,
you never thought I could.
I function fine though I have
a mind that says I would…
succeed…..
looks like its not me in for a
rude awakening.
Wake the **** up,
smell the ******* coffee,
drink it,
and go about your way.
It’s a new day.
I express a point of view,
and if you take it that way,
I aint holding back,
fine,
I'll call it a
*******
too.
*******.

I'm not a mess,
Just full of stress.
Make it stop
turning me
Into a person
I am
Not.
Unusual behavior,
Can't hold the breakdown
Any later.

Scratched up feelings
caused by my obsessiveness.
My unawareness of never
backing off
has broken the old lamp.
This room was a disaster to
begin with.
Everything fell out of place
due to what you said last night.
If my writing scared you,
my emotions were nothing you could handle,
and you were so overall uncomfortable,
thus not
my problem,
now only still a mess.
You are not one for me,
I'm leaving this old room in my head.
Old house,
with bills overflowing the counter.
I had hoped you would cry to understand I care.
Now I am only your worst nightmare since you close your eyes,
and I am in your head.
I am still writing now,
these poems are my babies.
I will always create and tend to my writings.
I just wanted you to see,
now you can't.
The room is dark
since you broke the lamp
that lit our friendship.
And I won't be one to fix it.
I will get a burn again.

A man who grasps
only a beer
never to warm up his hand for
a lady.
He performs his aloofness to her
as she learns from his cold
tone.
Let him hate,
let him hate.

She calls and calls him for days.
He puts no effort to ever pick up.
She tries so hard to grasp attention
from his wandering eyes.
She doesn't yet know to
let him hate,
let him hate.

Men who are crass,
men who are despicable,
men who are self-absorbed
put in time for them.
Holding every problem between him and
a woman.

Women feel so hard
they bleed when they are hurt.
The blood she sheds from her hands
that never interlocked.
There is a time when women need to
let go.

She shall still feel,
she can't take no for a reply.
It is hard when she learns to just
let him hate,
let him hate.

When I am old I expect nobody to sit and have tea with me
who once saw me as young and cared to show me an old
picture.
When I am fifty I will wake up alone and tuck my mother and
father in bed at night where they once did to me years ago.
When I am thirty I will return my wedding gown after another
bipolar episode he just won’t take it anymore.

I am now twenty, and I have years to live and improve
myself,
my spirit,
my life.

Who knows where I will be? Maybe I will be digging in the dirt
at a farm or perhaps riding the elevator in a big
skyscraper.
Let the past shape me and form me into what I wanted and not
what they wanted.
Forgive myself for my mistakes, and never take away my own
chances.

I see my future from a glance but I don’t know everything and never
will.
I can’t predict nor can I control the universe along with the time.
Let the clock tick and just have fun with the running out.
Walk with arms wide open and have the patience to find what we
visualize.
Let visuals be toys and consequences be keys to unlocking new and
proper opportunities.
Love what you have and are and never beg for more.
Good things come to those who do not get on their knees for the sake of
getting.
Learning and saying “I don’t know” is the key to knowing and the process of
giving.
Give and get, live and learn, never take the present moment for granted, and
understand the misunderstood.
It’s not about having it all, it’s about
learning from it.

I was at the point of breaking
for far too long.
I patched up and allowed no
cracking or shattering for all
to see my good side.
I am now broken and in
pieces getting bigger and
lower in the heart.
So much I don’t want to do
and so many things I can’t
think about anymore since
I’ve been gone.
I came off too strong and too
soon I came off to you.
At least everyone is happy,
though I see the twinkle in
your eye.
It tells me you remember me.
As long as you remember just
one good thing about me,
I’m fine with everyone having
fun without me.
I don’t want to come back, but
for this phase to end.
It’s killing me,
it’s a child’s murderer,
a mother’s death,
a father’s abuse,
a daughter’s ****,
a son’s suicide,
an elder’s coma,
a change that effects
so many once one is
gone.
Never did I want to say
goodbye but just how I
felt about the
differences between you
and me.
There was nothing and always
the  suicidal thoughts,
but I stayed to see and find if
you would love me for me
only.

Even if I find myself driving away
in a car all by myself breaking every law
and practically flying,
I am doing what I want right now.
I am home, I am safe, I am
loved no matter my flaws.
I pull out of the driveway and onto
the road.
This is how I party.
By myself, stopping for small bits of food,
and playing whatever song at the highest volume.
Before I was home I was in pain.
I suffered holding in every breath that meant
need.
I fought back tears as I walked where my flooding
eyes would be noticed.
I smiled and said I was good whenever the
‘how are you’ questioned bulleted in me.
I would have said,
‘homesick, not even a care that I am used to this place
away from home’.
Here at home I am forgiven no matter what I break and
loved no matter what forsaken move I make.
I’m breathing normally, and I am not worried
about who is out to hurt me.
I don’t hurt back,
I reassure my senses and nobody says I can’t
go home.
This is my real home.

Glimpse of the moon

Need a little reassurance
and maybe just one more guitar
chord to learn and know.
Blowing out the candles
Every year making a wish yet
Asking,
Is this how it's going to be?
Life is filled with different beginnings
as every birthday is filled with different
drinks poured into red solo cups,
then bottles,
then diamond champagne glasses.
What will be different when I wake up
to a new style in life?
Will I or my guitar be in good condition?
Still I walk outside in the dark listening
to music soothing into my veins.
In the gray night sky
a glimpse of the moon is plenty for me
to look down at my strides,
and see my shadow.
Darkened image of my body that
may have changed as well as me,
so the shadow says to me and the world,
I'm here and living for now on,
and there are new songs to write and play.
Change is brutal in the beginning,
but needed in the end.
Amen

Shake your head as many times as you want,
say no once and call yourself estranged.
Walk alone and see the light,
take it for granted as they took you.
This is how miserable people think and what
ignoramuses do.
Making room and setting limits is all about
protection.
It took til now to be alright with independent strides and freedom highways.
Tailgates light the way and green highway signs tell me it's never too late and I can go
anywhere.
Even if nobody comes with me,
I keep them in mind.
If I pull over to look at directions and panic while praying for the lord above to guide me,
the gas tank is half empty half full.
Within the half amount of gas I have on my freedom ride, there are happy memories within my mixed feelings of letting you go.
I say to myself,
"What would they have done?"
The time I knew you is the time I needed you.
I don't need you but I still have plenty of room for you in my car and someday my life.
You come in anytime,
Let's go, and let ourselves
Go.

I wake up every morning with fear and desire to be seen as one of a kind not one with a different mentality.
I go to sleep every night and dream of a world where nobody cares if you are being yourself.
The things I know that I do that remove others ease
and all my fantasies that won't ever work out.
They have me looking down on my heart and see it is broken for good.
The years before always looked better .
Nothing fixes me except pills, outdoor walks, and smiles with eye contact.
Everyone I get to know looks away eventually.
My poor skills cause these relationships to break in half.
Whoever gets the better half is the normal one.

The moment is gone like a late train,
but the memory is there like the implanted tracks.
Like a bullet that is removed,
the scar brings back every flashback
of being shot.
It's over, it happened.
Memories keep us thinking.
Don't shoot back,
cover it with a better train of thought.
You don't have to wait to hear,
"All Aboard!"
to let it all go.

When all you ever wanted was for people to see you as you hope,
the information you gave got out of hand.
Lead to backing off and walking away.
Blocking out and avoiding being near.
When all you feel is the need is to just say what is on your mind.
Forget it.
They can care, but want nothing of it to deal with.
They care for me, not my baggage.
Insecure I'll always be
open will have to go.
Private I am now to be,
let them stare at my expressions on my fading face.
I just can't care anymore.
Go from subliminal need to out there private.
I care for their comfort, they don't need to care for my
negativity.
I can care for that all on my
own.

Having what the world avoids meets the
equality of
owning what we need to let go and pretend to
not have.
I couldn't disown anything even if I tried.
I cry at night thinking of how I should meet your needs.
Don't look at me.
Why would you watch my eyes wander in
matter of seconds?
Why would you watch me sit alone and fly
my hands for hours?
Why would you try to estimate the swinging
of my legs in the matter of minutes?
Both you and i
don't even have
to try.
I own what I have unintentionally.
Just get over it.

I am never used to optimism,
I am only used to the humiliation in
the end,
the consequence,
and what daydreaming via excitement
can lead to.

I am never used to planning,
I think,
I don’t.

I am getting used to learning and growing
from the consequences of ambition
God knows where this jump roping feeling
in the mind can lead to,
and the tequila ******* in the heart can
push into.

I am not used to putting and bringing
people together without some form
of shock in my system.
I am the bad guy,
afterall.

Tea lights will soon be strung,
Though romance is done
Our friendship has officially
Begun.

We two brightest bulbs in the bunch,
Know the limits now,
So we don't take a painful punch.

So we see,
So we hang,
So I remember your arm around me
And you remember how beautiful I
Sang.

Soon we go back,
And this is right.
Can't wait for you to come in
And see the strung up tea lights.

Each individual
Beaming little light
Will remind me of how
We decided
And and we two are very bright.

To have and to hold.
Hands turning pale and letting go.
Every possibility
that has been vanished.
Every mind that changes
may or may not feel regret.
Being myself and being me
never was or has been a chore.
Men who disapprove
are no wusses but boys.
Women who gossip about me are no
******* but girls.
I can't always fight being insecure
as it holds me like a little baby.
I find my place,
I stand like a grown up with
my eyes on the prize.
The prize isn't romance.
I wait on no prince I let the time happen.
The prize is to be loved for who I am
by the right people.
And that is all I look for.

Irresponsible
can sometimes be just
a label.
The way you look at me cannot be fair
in any way.
Why can't we just let go of when we mess up, get ******* over,
and fail?
Learning so much from every mistake making
new beginnings every new try.
Not every present moment will grasp every vision.
See everything in perfect form, make room for
a couple mistakes.
Time goes by,
slowly but not so sure.
Hard to see the clock tick and
take away everything that is right,
and the same reflection in the mirror.
Be firm but nice to yourself.
Look at you and if not happy,
find a way to improve.
Set goals and expectations at the right level.
Forget wowing the crowd and popularity.
The others you see who have more beauty and courage
are not expecting the same from you.
We only expect respect, honesty, to try, discipline, kindness, and
considerate approches.
The world takes its bad turns and we take time to be in a bad phase.
Time will pass,
you won't be as grown up.
Stay strong.
If anyone comments and reminds you of what they expect,
forget perfection.
Say, "half empty half full."
And expect what is needed.

Why don't you put on a pair of shoes
since you claim you
walk
      on
        eggshells?
My missed cue does not become your
own to guide me.
I'd
    rather
             go at life
                 alone.
We force, we shame,
we freak out
we move out.
We never see the forest through
the trees.
I have no problem
cutting down
your
trunk.
Nothing is left after I do what is hurtful
but
allowed.
I move on.
I'm a joke to you.
You're a mistake to me.
This is the world I live in with my problem
beginning with the letter
A.
I keep it on the
DL.
Everyone figures it out.
Have you ever had your face controlled
by your cognitive?
Be grateful you don't,
but do not be showing it by
making fun of me.
Real adults entertain themselves without hurting others to make themselves feel better.
Okay,
I should go now.
I'm not the one who chose to be
rude, condescending, disrespectful,
Superior.
What is the real joke?
My aspien being,
or your seeing this awkward interaction
as your time to shine.
I'll be laughing at you, but keeping the giggles
to myself, my darling.
I shine in my own time,
and nobody has
to know.

Cloth covering all of my chest
along with an untouched face
with no shadow.
My hair has no style and I know none of what
you told me.
What is ***?
I have never heard of such a thing.

Why is my ***** considered a given sin?
Now the boys must be taught and understand
they are now old enough to accept a
woman's body. Respect her with
no touching or laughter.

Mothers and fathers feel the heartache
at the time for their daughter to grow up.
If a parent carries a phobia of the aftermath,
they learn nothing and growing up is harder
than it needs to be.

She'll be beautiful.
She'll have a sophisticated wardrobe and heart.
Let her hair grow and cut in her own style.
Her clock has ticked to a new time in life.
To all the parents of young, willing adolescent girls.
Stop looking at your little girl.
She is now a woman.

You cannot hold the time anymore,
theres just no need to rush.
Breathe, love, admire.
Watch her grow into a blossom.
Therefore, a kind young woman.
Have no fear, but pride.

Hear the shouting loud and clear.
Sound of protests with people coming near.
Breaking points
we're moving on very slow.
Anger will continue
forever as I know.
People will cry,
people will scream.
There will be a side
there will be a chance to be on a team.
Contradicting by the moon
changing its form.
There is time afterward to fight
but no time prior
to warn.

If I look forward,
I over think.
If I look back,
I cry.
When I think about what I did wrong,
I stare at my current image in the mirror,
and Sigh.
All I can do
to give everything thrown at me a better
try.
Mentality screws me sometimes,
not gonna lie.
Creates these expectations
that later die.
Karma kicks herself in,
but why?
Mentality
will go away
after I take a breath
and sigh.
And just let it all
fly.

I still hug the little stuffed lamb
You gave me when you weren't going
To be back for a while
Even though
I want nothing more
And no love
From
You.

I wake up,
I put on my plaid,
I put liner on my eyes,
honestly, it doesn't look bad.
Its not about whats on me,
its what I do.
I may not always comprehend,
and I may not be a good friend.
I've let people down
so many times in my life
before.
Remember that I am only human,
and with times like these
there will be plenty more.
I say, I do, I misunderstand you.
You tell, You instruct, I say,
what the ****?
Now today I washed my insecure
and told me I love you.
I knocked the mental Stop Sign
down and out of my face.
No longer will people react to my
smartness by taking as a,
"Surprise! Happy Birthday!"
The liner on my eyes
shows no coverage, but
esteem.
Try a new guitar brand,
try a new flavor ice cream.
Theres so much more to life than
internships,
Co-ops,
and strawberry freeze-pops.
It's trying,
applying,
and learning.
So we deal with
the post-argument
and the popcorn thats burning.
As I grow,
I'll have you know,
the liner on my eyes,
Is supposed to show.
My quirky-artsistic me,
has so many better places
to go.
So I'll put on my liner,
I'll be myself,
and when I am,
DON'T EVER
tell me NO.

I'll remember how we made
Eye contact at the start of the year.
We walked toward one another and
Introduced ourselves pretending
We had no problems at all.

We met more friends through everyone else,
Found a table with plenty of seats,
And that became our routine of
Eating dinner as if every meal was
Thanksgiving.
Now there is no turkey, no mashed potatoes,
And I have no need to bring anything to the table.

I miss the beginning so much I would do anything
To bring back the happiness and laughter.
Heart to heart conversation were the norm
Now they don't want to be heard.
We learned later that
We all
Have problems of our own.

The end of the beginning is the stir of
Reality,
The beginning of the end is the stir of
Uncertainty.
I was sure you were my friends.
We'll see about
That.

Just think of me as part of the past,
part of the problem,
part of the reason
to step up for
Yourself.
If you're one of the guys,
think of how lucky you are
you're not walking down church
steps with the handle of my coffin
in your right or left hand.
If you're one of the girls,
think of how lucky you are
to be thinner than me with
less problems.
I have 99,
you won't be one anymore.
I'll deal with it by getting iced
coffee alone and focusing on
reality only.
I never understood fantasy,
and you'll never learn how to
understand
me.

Searching for your own self and only you be the judge

Pretend it is only you in the world and nobody else matters right now

Accept your looks, your gifts, your talent, and most of all, you

Come clean that it is only a moment before you reach back out and help      others who need you, even if it feels they use you.

Eat well, go outside, laugh, pray, and be happy, but don’t take this time for granted.