I can't wait until I **** myself so everyone can pretend they care.

Who I am is not mesured by the words or opinions of others.
Who I am is what believe in.
And I believe in myself.

*I am strong.

Things were fine
until I started to feel alone.
Things were fine
until I wasn't needed.
Things were fine
until I was replaced.

I was happy
until I started to feel alone.
I was happy
until he chose a toxic relationship over me.
I was happy
until he replaced me as his best friend.

I was content
until I started to feel alone.
I was content
until I began to feel invisible.
I was content
until I became a waste of space.

I was recovering
until I started to feel alone.
I was recovering
until he tried to validate hurting me.
I was recovering
until he proved I wasn't important anymore.

I was getting over it
until I started to feel alone.
I was getting over it
until I started to feel alone.
I was getting over it
until I started to feel alone.

I WAS GETTING OVER IT
*UNTIL I REALIZED THAT I AM ALONE.

You were just a voice at first,
a melody I had never heard
that graced my ears.
I knew your name,
I knew your voice,
and I knew your laugh.
What I didn't know
was your face.
I had never met your tall frame.
I had never met your piercing blue eyes.
I had never met the vibrant light you brought to a room.
But once I did,
my whole world felt different.
Sure,
Luke was still in my heart,
But you,
you clouded my head.
I severed as many ties with him as I could,
not knowing it would lead me to you.
Prom was an idea to spite him.
The thought of taking his best friend to something so special,
it filled me with excitement.
But it was weeks later
when I realized,
it wasn't to spite him.
It was to spend time with you.
That's why I had my party;
invited you and the boys over,
so I could have you around me.
So I could make you smile.
Make you laugh.
That's all I want to do,
make you happy.
I wouldn't say I'm in love,
just
intrigued.

Rain drop
Drop top
I'm Rick Harrison and this is my pawn shop

Heartbreak is a funny thing,
it can lead you to discover new things about yourself,
for better,
or for worse.

The first time I met you
you were a stranger I desperately wanted to know.
A voice that carried and a face I searched for while performing.
"Who are you?"
"Apprentice sound tech and lights guy"
I had never seen you before.
New?
Freshman.
My heart lept.
You didn't look like a freshman.
You didn't act like a freshman.
You didn't carry yourself like a freshman.
You were different.
You were new.
You were sweet.
We messed around a bit before rehearsal,
theater became something I looked forward to
instead of dreading.
After each performance
I realized
I no longer would have an excuse
no opportunity to talk with you.
I had
no number,
no Snapchat username,
no Instagram handle,
no Facebook info.

Kylee was my savior;
let me steal your Snapchat from her.
You added me back later that day.
Facebook friends.
Found your Instagram.
Sent a snap of me making a pun.
You laughed,
thanked me for the cupcake
I brought just for you,
since you tried to steal mine the previous day.
We talked for hours.
Exchanged Skype names.

Now I love you and I can't get out.
I don't want to.
I know I'll get hurt
but the high
you give me
is too good to pass up.