I see signs of high rock
and yet I still climb
in a blind fear
mislabelled Bravery

The current is fast underway
faster than the rabbit beating its warning in my chest
I know the jump
I know the jump like I know myself
but
Still, I am unable to take the chance

that the trees aren't laughing but cheering
that you won't get in the way when I take the plunge

Sometimes I wonder how I didn’t notice
Being left outside in the cold darkness
But I think it was the softness of you playing that led me here.
With a perfect view window
Of you and your new toy
I wonder how long it will be
Till my paint wears thin
And sheds
And if you will find me, or only remember me from that time long ago

See I tricked myself into thinking you loved me
When really you just liked the feeling of my love

And now I hope your new toy never needs you in the way I do

And now I hope your new toy never feels sad and lonely

And now I hope your new toy never has to share that with you

Because I hope that you two are always happy. Cause that’s the feeling you are addicting and addicted too

And yet still I hope
one day you’ll find the space
Where I use to occupy
And wonder just as I use to

Why does it feel so empty here?
Cold and isolating
Wet with salt made rivers and dead trees
What happened and when did it happen here?

Cause I still love you but not as much as I feel like a dumb **** waiting for you... waiting for you  to realize this is the thing that you do when someone gets too sad
to give you that happy feeling you and I are addicted to.

Somewhere under the darkness of my room,
the depths of the ocean spring around me
sounds warped in infinite finished bursts of time

and found itself in a new dimension
and forgot to invite me along

still, I love the sounds of things
I can never be apart of
like the gaggling school of fish in this sea

like the coffee cafe conversations
like the whispered chisme
this part of the world
this dimension
just isn't for me

smooth like beach wood
driftwood you stand
to be sat upon and dragged

cooling glassy salt
deep within your wounds
sanded with time

I wonder if you wish to be
again
as I am laying upon you
dragging you every which way

you are warped and worn
and so I'd like you to stay
but as driftwood would
you always journey forward
for another rainy beach day

Leaving me adrift in my sunny
sandy ways.

All armies are the same
Publicity is fame
Artillery makes the same old noise
Valor is an attribute of boys
Old soldiers all have tired eyes
All soldiers hear the same old lies
Dead bodies always have drawn flies

I lie in wait for space.
A space of my own
where quiet ambiance roams

Jasmine and mint steep in time
growing lax on a warm sunlit spot on the floor
my book groaning at me to read it,
just a little more.

something deeper than self-care
a little something of self-healing

I wait for you.
My mysterious being,
although I doubt you exist
I feel myself losing it all in the rift
of these futile wounds
and these nights of sunlit tunes