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  Jun 2018 Kim Essary
BMG
Today
Today we would have celebrated
Today marked 13 years
Somehow though
We only had the first 9.

You're still just as important to me.
You're still in my heart.
I still think about you.
Every single day.
I still think about what you’d say
Silently asking for your advise
You talked me through everything

Loving someone can change
That love it can modify,
it can alter,
it can grow
It can break
but it never stops.

If there was away
To leave that love somewhere
Abandon it
Drive it as far away as possible,
I would have.

Loving a ghost,
a memory,
It can be crippling
the what ifs
They are devastating.

Caring for you was never easy
but I chose to do it,
I chose you over and over again.
Even when you stopped choosing me

I loved you so much.

I continue loving you
That choice I made
Will be for the rest of my life.
I can’t take it back

I will miss you every single day.
A part of me
destined to be lost
for the rest of time.

Im no longer full,
a shell of a person.
I gave you such a big piece of me,
throwing caution to the wind.
I gave and I gave and then
I gave some more.

You took and you took and then
you left.
Never looking back
Not even to see if I could stand on my own.
Not even a glance to see if I’d survived.
I did.
Didn’t I?
Kim Essary Jun 2018
He was everything I needed in life to complete me , He was the wind beneath my wings as I felt like he let me soar through the sky.
He never tried to stop me from being me, He accepted me for who I am. He believed in me and the person I am. I have never felt the need to lie to him because he accepted the truth for what it was.  He put me as high up on a pedestal as I could put him. The rareness of our love was pure Devine in every thinkable way. He made me feel beautiful even on my worst day. I don't know how to reach Him, something has taken Him away. For every definition I've described is just the opposite today. I would give anything to feel His touch the way it use to be or to look at his eyes and see the love he had for me . Maybe He will cone back to me soon All I can do is hope and Pray. I'll never surrender my search, not one day before the Good Lord calls me home to stay.
©kimmied1105
Love is , well like I said Love is?
Kim Essary Jun 2018
I sat today and took some time to read   Looking back through every note and poem I could find, finding myself in a turn of emotions running through my mind. For those of us that express  ourself  through  the flowing ink of our pens, our memories remain written so we can always see. As I read the words I left written a thought crossed my mind. You see I understand my sorrows and know about the things in my life, how they got there from hour to hour day to day but when I write I write of my feelings in every single way. However for someone that reads them without knowledge of where they came from, I can't even Imagine their thoughts of the life I live based on the words I say . What an interesting menu of choices they have to read. Choices based upon the emotions of one's life we never even meet yet by the words written from their pen the reader knows more about that person than if they were there best friend.
©kimmied1105
It is an invigorating feeling to have the ability to write words on a piece of paper of my life and my feelings.
Kim Essary Jun 2018
Born pure and innocent into this world of sin and corruption, years of our life spent trying to discover the do's and Don'ts ,separating the good from the bad, and learning who we are and what we want to be,.
Growing up to be a product of our environment,
Remembering when every age above my own was so cool I couldn't wait to grow up. But if I could tell anyone anything and make them understand, I would tell them to STOP! Stop wishing you were older for any reason you have,. Your life will fly by in the blink  of an eye and before you know it you will be like me and asking yourself why. Why did I wish I would grow up so fast for being an adult carries so much stress you will look back on your life and it will all be a blur. Your memories will fade with each passing day. Please live your life slowly, don't wish it away.
©kimmied1105
Enjoy your life make it last while you can. Don't rush through because there will come a day when you look in the
Kim Essary Jun 2018
I never could imagine you raising your voice in a violent outrage  of anger to me:
Now that voice is all I hear.
I was convinced that your eyes would always glow when you looked at me:
Now when I look into your eyes hatred  and anger is all I see.
The way you made me feel loved every time you came near:
Now I wonder if you ever loved me or what I am doing here  
You always comforted me when I had a head ache or didn't feel well :
Now you could care less or if you do I sure can't tell.
I wish you would come back to me before it's to late.:
I want to feel you kindness and love again not anger and hate .
©kimmied1105
I wish we could live again lik
Kim Essary Jun 2018
Each day that passes so to does our  love,  like a glowing ember of a candle as it's wick runs out but leaves the flame not ready to surrender so it blinks and fights to stay lit . Such a likeness it has to my heart as it breaks to be mended but with each break it leaves less chance to ever feel whole again as the breaks have become so many with no time to heal .  This life , like a ride on a never ending rollercoaster that is constantly up and down but won't stop as it's exhausting. Never knowing what tomorrow may bring or take away is an unknown fear I face every day. So I know in what's left of my mangled up heart that I should extinguish the dying ember and stop this roller coaster ride, but I can't face the fear of knowing your gone and not by my side. Nor can I embrace the thought of the ups and downs of continuing this never ending life on this downhill slide.
©kimmied1105
Emotions of love compared to the ups and downs on a rollercoaster ride.
Kim Essary May 2018
I will stand by your side because I always want you to stand by mine. I will try my best to consider your feelings in hope you consider mine.  I will choose my words carefully if we disagree and hope you choose yours just as careful when speaking to me. Each memory of us I will hold in my heart, and hope you cherish them the same. I will be loyal, honest and love you with every breath that I take. As I Pray you do also in every decision you make  You are My Soul  Mate. My Love My Very Best Friend,  MY HUSBAND TO BE,  til death do we part, forever You and me!
©kimmied1105
I love you with all that I have
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