I never thought I'd turn twenty
At sixteen I skipped school and sat
Under an oak tree in the park.
Beneath the green leaves, blocked from
The sun, all I thought of was death

I hated sleep fore it brought a
New day. Always too tired for school.
Mornings I thought of bed. At night
I stayed awake cold and twitchy

I drove my Dad to anti depressants
My Mum to fear of finding me cold
I feel so guilty for that. Still,
I won't say it. My lungs won't allow it

Taking a breathe I look through the
Leaves and see the sun again

I - Mediocrity

I'd give my flesh just for one ounce
Of your genius. In my mediocrity
I turned the extraordinary
Into the ordinary.
You made a symphony from lost
Moments, only you knew their worth!

Ashamed, I scorned you. Forgive me
For we are both lonely orphans

II - Time

I sit waiting.
Each day,
Just waiting. Still,
Waiting.
For anything.
A sign
Of gods' favour
Perhaps.
Always a fool.
A fool,
Always.

III - Fading Footnote

All I am becomes faint.
You just take, consume all.
A greedy little child
Worth more than my being.

A desperate orphan,
I want love and it shows.
I am discarded for
My needy requests. Shame.

You need no love and
Are loved for it. Cruel God!

IV - Haiku for  Atonement

Two souls have diverged
Jealous, I scorned your beauty
Tired, I scorn no more

All that was fixed floated before
My eyes. Blood ridden rags flew like doves
Of peace outside my window.
Pictures of slaves framed as freedom

Ink in the pen replaced
With blood and  yellow bile.

Fascism sings with sweet lies as
The chorus wails. We sit weeping,
Our history bastardised and
The body of our nation growing cold

Console us not you priests!
We need more than your words

I've got numbers that never show.
I'll never see another text
From those asleep in an oak box.
I screenshot them; kept like dead leaves

I hope it never ends
I hope it never .

Tired eyes by harsh light
I scribble quite lazily
Nothing profound comes

Mozart lay cold in that square box.
Salieri observed tearful.
"With this vexing star dimmed, who shall
Brighten the sky at night?" He sighed,

"In my hatred I forgot
The fire you stoked in me,


Alas."